Fed up of hearing 'you don't work full time'!!

[tessie31082]

Good evening!
Does anyone else get fed up of hearing this from their DH/DP who go to work all day? I keep reminding him that I do work full time even at weekends! He seems to think I sit on my arse when I'm not at work (I work 24 hours at my 'job') when in fact I'm running around after our 2 1/2 year old, cleaning the house, shopping, making sure we have/prep dinner etc before AND after I go to work! It's getting boring repeating myself and this is just another crack in our relationship!
Just wondered if it was just my DP ??
Tessie

What about leisure/'down' time - do you both have the same amount, eg evenings and weekends?

walkacrossthesand - after work he generally plays with DS while I sort out dinner. He generally gives DS a bath while I tidy the toys/books away. We take it in turns to take him to bed. Once in bed and dinner is eaten he watches a movie on his iPad either next to me on the sofa or goes to bed! We don't have anything in common when it comes to tv except watching football/rugby! I either do some ironing, watch TV, chat on the phone to my mum.
Scobberlotcher - already had that argument today and I've actually not done the washing up or his laundry before and he's eventually done it! I can't stand a dirty/untidy house though so not sure where to go from here!

Now ex 'd'p was exactly the same. no respect for anyone at all, least of all me. He was zero help at home. I couldn't live like that anymore. The lack of respect and lack of any responsibility carried through to every aspect of his life and I grew weary and bitter.
I've no idea how you change it op, I tried every thing I could think of, I hope it does improve for you though

I get it. My oh's idea of giving me a break today was to put lo in his bouncer whilst I hoovered and clean the bathroom. He then came up whilst I was cleaning and shouted at me for "dumping the baby on him" and that he "shouldn't have to do anything on his day off"!

Sounds incredibly disrespectful - presumably it was a joint decision to have a child?

My DH never made that sort of comment to me when I was a SAHM (for twelve years with just one child ). And to be fair I did have loads more 'free' time than he did - but he wanted a child, he knew it takes a lot to bring them up and he was more than happy for me to be a SAHM. He always did most of the child care at weekends and pulled his weight with housework/gardening/finance/car stuff as well.

He then came up whilst I was cleaning and shouted at me for "dumping the baby on him" and that he "shouldn't have to do anything on his day off"!

Did you point out that according to him, looking after a baby doesn't count as doing anything, and therefore he ISN'T doing anything on his day off?

No offence, but I will never understand why people stay with someone like that. You'd be better off as a single parent... or with someone who is actually nice!

Find out the average costs per hour of childcare, cleaner, ironing person, gardener, cook, etc, and then calculate your hours per week. Make an invoice addressed to him, and present it to him. Do it weekly until he realises how much you are saving on the family budget by doing it all for nothing.

Some men think only paid work counts, so shove it in his face.

Now my dh used to like ribbing me about being a sahm to our friends until now. He has just spent the last 9 weeks on garden leave which happily coincided with me being heavily pregnant and then having a section with dc3. He now is under no illusion how mentally and physically tiring it is to look after a 6 year old an 18 month old and a newborn plus cook and clean :). His new wording is along the lines of "I have the easy job, I get to go to work".

Sleep - yes I did point this out and asked when my "day off" was. I told him all the things my friend's husband does with their son despite working 7 days a week and I listed everything I do. I didn't cook his tea or wash his clothes. Quite childish but he got the message. He's arranged to take him to his grandmas tomorrow for a few hours! Point well made I think

I don't get fed up of hearing it, but I do get fed up of people's snobby attitude because I don't work. We all make our own choices in the end, and if we decide we don't want to work, it doesn't necessarily mean we are lazy, it means we are more dedicated to the home and that is as important as working.

I am virtually high fiving you. Hope you're enjoying a nice glass of something in celebration!

Yes!

Apparently I don't have a "proper" job because I only work 3 days a week. Had another discussion about that last week because he was complaining about mess in the house so I've decided to drop a day each week for October. I have no intention of tidying the house on my days off. He has all day Saturday and Sunday to do want he wants so I now have one day a week to do what I want. One Monday and Friday so I have a long weekend to go home, that's going to be a shock to the system for him because I am going on my own. As well as lurking on here I'm googling free things to do on my other days off.

Haha thanks I've got a glass of wine on the go!

I've tried all the above except the invoice! Yes, a joint decision on having DS! I'm always the one having the time off too and when the childminder is off I organise the time off! Plus, he's never been very good in the night either, even now (we still use a monitor) he claims 'not to hear him' if he wakes looking for his dd, drink, needs a wee (DS is 2 1/2)! Even giving him a bath ends up (on the times I've walked in) with DP on his phone (facebook etc)!!!! I'm relieved I'm not the only one, just need to decide where to go from here!

tessie - just make sure you don't have another child with your DH.

What was he like before you had your DS - was he more involved in cooking/housework etc?

Ragwort - My DS is enough and I had PNT for a while so I already decided on having no more children - that's a whole new discussion!!
We had a blazing row last night and then while he was at work this morning and I was just about to leave to go to work after dropping DS off at the childminder I text him to say I wasn't happy, wanted to split and wanted him to move out. NC from him then my DM called me to say DP had rung her!! Now I know I was stupid and it was wrong to text but why did he go to my DM! I have confided in no-one except on here about our relationship - he knows its an unhappy relationship (mostly on my part) and I told him yesterday I was no longer interested in him but he just won't get it. What happens now? I've got to face him later! I need him to leave. What if he doesn't?
All these questions! I'll catch up with you all later!
Tessie

Good luck Tessie, it sounds like he is simply a negative energy in your life and you would be better off without him getting in your face and adding to the stress of life. If you have made the decision, you will follow through, even if you can't figure out how to do it right now. Small steps forward.

Thank you Onthepigsback!
We have had a small brief convo after acting normally for our 2 1/2 year old DS until his bed time! He's round his parents as we speak (3 doors down from us) then sleeping on the sofa for tonight.

Good luck tessie. I hope he behaves honourably.

Oh and confide in everyone. Don't leave him a place to hide.