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Relationships

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Original poster

Financial advice on separation?

22 replies

oldaninpurple · 27/09/2015 14:15

Hoping someone can give me some idea as to what I could reasonably expect.

Been together 16 years - two children - never married.

House is in his name, as is the mortgage, same with our car which I use for work (essential) and pay for.

Both employed full time and I have always paid for childcare plus deposited monthly into his account from which all the bills are paid even when on maternity leave although I took more than a year off when youngest was born and so for about 14 months didn't contribute but was a SAHM to both. Never asked him for money - used CB and eBay selling to pay for anything I may need, including petrol etc.

Always had separate finances and to be honest, I don't really know how much he pays in bills/earns etc although a rough estimate shows my 1500 monthly payments is probably about half our joint living costs - if not slightly more.

If we were to separate, would I just need to walk away from everything? Would I have any claim at all on the capital in our home?

Will his greater financial security have an impact on where the children live?

Anyone been in this situation?

OP posts:

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 27/09/2015 14:24

As you are not married and the property is in his sole name you are entitled to nothing except child-support and you might have to fight him for that.

"Will his greater financial security have an impact on where the children live?" Legally, no it won't.

goddessofsmallthings · 27/09/2015 14:26

See here for a guide to your uncertain situation as a cohabitee:
findlaw.co.uk/law/family/cohabitation/500435.html

and here: www.lawdonut.co.uk/law/personal-law/divorce-separation-cohabitation/your-cohabitation-rights-living-together-as-a-couple

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/09/2015 14:31

You may well not receive anything other than child maintenance from him; he is not financially responsible for you. Your post is actually a salutary message to other unmarried women in this situation.

Your legal position as it stands is very poor, you may not be able to claim anything at all re the capital on his (its not yours) home. As it is also, he is within his rights as well to ask you to leave.

"Will his greater financial security have an impact on where the children live"
No.

Original poster

oldaninpurple · 27/09/2015 14:41

Thanks all. I thought as much, although goddessofsmallthings it's interesting that the link you provided mentions this :

"the non-owner contributes financially (eg: paying part of the mortgage) to the property on the understanding that this entitles him or her to a share"

I wonder how one would prove that 16 years of regular financial contribution was on the understanding it would entitle me to a share ....

OP posts:

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 14:59

Suggest you see a good solicitor as soon as, your not in the same position as married but you should get something. The court may dictate that he provides you with a home for the children till they are 18 or 19 in some cases.

Get that pro advice as soon as!.

goddessofsmallthings · 27/09/2015 15:05

I wonder how one would prove that 16 years of regular financial contribution was on the understanding it would entitle me to a share

This is precisely why you should consult a solicitor who has considerable expertise in family law.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 15:05

www.divorce.co.uk/divorce-resources/divorce-law-blog/article/153

Seems here as you have been paying you should have a beneficial interest in it. As you probably have been paying some for quite some time then that appears it might be the case.

If the property is in the sole name of one of the couple, for example the man, it will be for the woman to prove that she has some “beneficial interest” in the property by virtue of her paying some money towards it (either in terms of its purchase, or towards the mortgage) or that she has been promised an interest in it and she has relied on that promise to her detriment. This is a difficult and expensive argument to run and requires legal advice.

Original poster

oldaninpurple · 27/09/2015 15:33

Oh dear I'm royally screwed it would appear. Expensive legal representiaion is a beyond my means and the case law precedent is not in my favour, so basically he can do what ever he likes and if I complain too much he is legally entitled to ask me to leave !?

If he did... Could I take my children with me? I agree - I need prompt legal advice. Much appreciation for your replies

OP posts:

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 17:44

Well your situation isnt good but your not totally screwed over. But you MUST seek a solicitors advice there may be some factors that we're not aware of that can make you position better. Most solicitors will give to a half hour free these days and even if you have to pay for an hour that should be around the upper two hundreds an hour.

A lot in your case will hinge around the children that I think is you main point and how old they are can you say their ages at all?

If you do take your children and custody is rarely awarded to just one parent and that will be the courts main area of concern, you will need to accommodate them and you and you will be entitled to somewhere to live that he will have to pay for that may be time limited but as I've said seek legal advice, even a half hour will show you what what can or cannot be done. Ask your friends if any of them have had recent experiences with any local firms some are better than others with what's called Family law.

best wishes.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 17:47

Just a disclaimer. I am not a lawyer but have been through the divorce process and a lot seems to have changed in the actual practice in recent times. My ex was married to me and she received a tidy sum;!.

But we're stil on speaking and mailing terms as we have two daughters and our main concern was to not screw their lives up:)

We had a bit of a win-win result.

Shutthatdoor · 27/09/2015 17:55

you will be entitled to somewhere to live that he will have to pay for

Not necessarily!

As others have said, not being married is a huge factor and you really need legal advice.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 18:07

Read up that reference i alluded to that does state that if she has custody.

But she must seek legal advice from a solicitor that specialises in Family law till then we don't and can't know where she will stand exactly!. I expect that the length of the marriage and the fact she has been paying money out will have an effect. We don't know of all her circumstances as yet and a solicitor will be best placed to ask questions of her. These people see this every day and will know a lot of what can and cannot be done.

..................................................................

This is the only instance when the court can provide some additional financial assistance. For example, if the mother has day-to-day care of the children, but needs financial help to house them and herself, the court can order that the father provide a suitable property to the mother. However, the mother cannot live in the property indefinitely; the property will be returned to the father when the youngest child has turned 18. This will happen irrespective of whether the mother has somewhere else to live.

Child maintenance will usually be calculated using the applicable formulas used by the Child Support Agency. The court has the power to award higher child maintenance but only if the paying party earns over £104,000 net per year. The court can also award other incidental expenses such as school fees

Shutthatdoor · 27/09/2015 18:16

Well I don't know of many cases accept with very high earners, where the nrp has to provide and pay for 2 houses. For many on an average wage, it would be impossible.

Instances where the RP gets to stay in the property for a set amount of time, yes but usually this is not solely paid for by the NRP as well as their own property.

Original poster

oldaninpurple · 27/09/2015 19:41

justaboy. Thank you. They are 8 & 5. My main concern really is that, without giving too much away - his occupation means he could easily access some of the best legal representation at 'mates rates'.

He has said in the past that if I want to be so selfish as to break up our family and leave I am welcome to, but that I won't be removing his children from their home - he cannot understand "what kind of mother would do that to her children"

OP posts:

Funinthesun15 · 27/09/2015 19:43

I expect that the length of the marriage and the fact she has been paying money out will have an effect. We don't know of all her circumstances as yet and a solicitor will be best placed to ask questions of her

The point is that the OP isn't married!!

babybarrister · 27/09/2015 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 27/09/2015 20:33

Re: "mates rates", I might be able to reassure you a little on that point (going to try to avoid saying the name of the profession by name). Of course, YMMV, depending on where he works and what area he does. I've worked for a lot of firms, and there's less "cronyism" than you might think, and getting less year-on-year. Firms are tightening up on billable hours, accountability, etc. Of course they'll do some favours for each other, esp if your DP works in an adjacent field (can throw work in their direction in return for a favour, for instance).

Also, I'm aware of some instances of laypeople going up against people in that profession, and it sometimes works in their favour. The deciding guy had sympathy for them and made allowances. Some of the deciding guys also take a dim view of bullies in their room.

Again, I must emphasise, your mileage may vary, and do deffo get as much advice as you can. Just wanted you to know, not all is lost because of his job.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 20:34

Funinthesun15 Not married OK!.

babybarrister I'm indebted to my 'learned friends timely advice thanks for clearing some of that up. I have in most every post urged her to seek up to date legal advice so here's hoping:)

It does seem very unfair that a long term cohabit hasn't got some more rights than it has especially with children involved, but it does seem to be that the government doesn't want to touch it. The Matrimonial Causes Act perhaps could do with some adjustment depending which side of the divorce fence your on;!.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 20:36

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer Was that post meant to go here, seems it dosen't make much sense?.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 20:39

Damn threading has gone to pot this happened the other day!. Sorry.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 27/09/2015 20:45

Justaboy - I was answering OP's ponder in her post of 1741...

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 20:51

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer Yes so i note. Its just that the system is playing up, took ages to log on earlier system reported server error it did just that the other day!.

FWIW re your comments I was very impressed with professionalism of not only my solicitor and barrister but her solicitor too. A matter came up, shan't mention it with you here, but very impressed a different opinion has been formed of the profession:)

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