not sure where to start but here goes... I hate to feel sorry for myself but life is really, really getting me down. I really don't know what to do any more and am scared I am becoming depressed.
the problem is I'm 47,single, no kids. ok job,am a professional with good salary but would love to be able to afford part time(am in London so high mortgage/outgings).
over the last 5 years, my mother has had cancer, my sister is very ill, don't want to say what with but she is also very demanding of me to support her. my brother seems to be developing mental health problems which is just downright scary. my other sister is oblivious, married 2 lovely children, keeps away from all the problems.
I've had several long term relationships,longest 6 years, 4 of them with the men saying he wanted marriage etc...then after a time reneging on it so I ended them, last serious one ended 4 years ago. since then I put on a lot of weight with all the stress, found a lot of friends not that supportive, don't go out much now and when I do I have met really awful men(a few dates) which makes me feel 10 times worse. I feel so lonely, feel the only person I can talk to is my mum and dreading the time when she's no longer around.Ive tried being positive, not looking for someone, actively looking for someone, hobbies, "say yes to everything",but nil.
I feel a shadow of my former outgoing, positive self, totally knocked down by life. I know I could go online or have counselling but have no desire to do so. do I have to just accept that I will probably now stay single forever?
sorry this post is awful on reading it....