I've posted this somewhere else but I'm desperate for someone to help so sorry if you have seen in twice.
In my teenage years, I fell in love with a guy and he basically broke my heart. He used me for sex, loved my best friend and I really suffered. I was briefly sectioned because of it. After this I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of being without him. I was obsessed and it's lead to ongoing mental health problems into my adult life.
Fast forward a few years. I've met a lovely guy. A guy who everyone wish their boyfriend could be like. We have a mortgage, cars, a little boy. The lot. I have an amazing job that I love. 2 weeks ago life couldn't have been better.
Then I went on a night out with my friends and I got drunk. I met my first love for the first time in years and we spoke normally for the first time in years. He said he couldn't believe how well I was doing and that he was so proud of me and that his life had gone to shit. He slept around, got into trouble with their boyfriends, family member just recently died. Basically the opposite of mine. Then he told me how sorry he was for letting me believe he loved me and that somewhere he did but just not like I wanted him to and that he hates himself for what he did. I said we were young and stupid and I didn't blame him. Then he cried and so did I and we hugged for ages. Then I went home and haven't been the same since.
It's triggered my head again. I feel depressed and don't want to speak to anybody. I'm pushing myself to go out and speak to people but when I do I'm just miserable. My relationship and son are suffering because I can't muster the energy to get up. My partner knows I saw him but not what it meant that he apologised and cried. I want to move on and get over this but I don't know how to do it. I don't love this first guy anymore I don't think, but can't get him out of my head and everything reminds me of him. My boyfriends talking about proposing but right now I can't even bare him to touch me. I've ruined everything, how do I set my head back to how it was.