My family of origin was (is ) very toxic and dysfunctional. I experienced physical, verbal and sexual abuse which my mother was aware of but did nothing about. They live half way across the world and I have only seen them a handful of times in the past 20 years.
Although this has meant that I have had no family support which would be very much appreciated as I have children with special needs, I mainly feel at peace that I don't have to deal with the toxicity and dysfunction and also I probably wouldn't want to expose my children to the values of my family of origin.
The family has a very nice (wealthy) lifestyle half way across the world which my siblings also enjoy but I struggle because although I have (or rather had) a career I have to devote a lot of time to my children with special needs. And my mother does not have any empathy for my situation, doesn't understand that my life is much more difficult than hers or my siblings'. However, I don't really spend too much time thinking about this because I know I am better off away from them.
I haven't invested too much time analysing it but I think that my mother would meet the criteria for being a narcissist, mainly because she likes to make everything about her. Mostly this doesn't affect me with one exception. She constantly hassles me to keep in touch with her "otherwise she worries". I'm not really sure what she is worried about - that I am exhausted and stressed with my kids' health issues? Check! That I struggle financially? Check! That I suffer from anxiety and depression from my childhood abuse experiences? Check! But she demonstrates no empathy for these things, does not acknowledge them or offer support.
Yet she is constantly (weekly?) emailing me saying please email me back otherwise I get worried. Yet when I do email and share stuff about my life I get no acknowledgment back. Of course I could email every couple of days and say hi mum I'm having a great week, or I guess even I'm having a terrible week and that would somehow stop her "worrying" but I kind of feel that she doesn't deserve this because it's just for her own benefit ( to know that I'm not dead perhaps???).
She doesn't say please let me know how you are because I like to know what's going on in your life (which I don't think she actually has the capacity to understand anyway because she has a much easier lifestyle than me), she says please keep in touch so that I don't have to worry about you ( being dead I presume??).
I really suffered greatly in my childhood in a variety of ways at the hand of more than one person. She was aware of it all and did nothing. The fact that I'm still here to tell the story is really a testament to my own strength and my ability to focus on what I need to do to survive.
Some perspective on my situation would be appreciated.