How to get through to an a&&hole

[LoveLetters]

I'm at the end of my tether. 6 months pregnant and DH announces he is having a crash day. Meaning he sits in the same spot and does nothing. We have 2 other kids under 4 running around. I'm potty training, washing, cleaning etc while he sits there. At night I'm making dinner, which is fish and salad for him as he is on a new workout regime. He doesn't finish TIL 9:30 at night when I'm making it for him. As you can imagine I'm knackered. I brought this up with him today and he says all I'm doing is makinf a salad and putting fish in the oven for 20 mins.. It's not cooking. He is always biting my head off and I feel like I'm being unreasonable for thinking he is being inconsiderate. Or am I? He works really long hours and I undrrstand the need for a crash day but I'm knackered myself. Pls help. I'm lying in bed after walking out as I don't want to continue the argument. He just talks over me anyway so I can't get my point across. Told him I don't want to be with him anymore. Am I being over dramatic? I'm just sick of feeling taken for granted.

You can't get through to an asshole with words. Only with actions.

Which day is your crash day? Tomorrow? Announce it. Take it. Go out.

Why isn't he cooking the dinner?

Why are you doing the washing and cleaning too?

He has a sweet deal here, why would he change? He has behaved appallingly but you are still going to cook his dinner, wash his pants and not dump the contents of the potty on his lazy asshole head.

We don't kiss or cuddle either, it's got the point where I don't actually want it from him anymore. I used to long for him to cuddle me in bed and he didn't, now if he did I think I would cringe. Does this mean it's over? I am slowly pulling myself away because I don't feel loved. All he talks about is his problems or what needs to be done around the house. If I try to talk to him about me he switches off and doesn't even listen. What's the point? Not sure what he is getting out of the relationship. All I'm getting is someone to pay the bills and a father to my kids.

I don't think your husband likes you very much. Stay and put up or leave. If he won't change there's nothing you can do. Has he always been an arsehole or has he got progressively worse?

Has it always been like this? If not, could you try couples counselling? Talking it out? .... It might be because of hormones plus exhaustion of little kids. Or it might be because he's a total jerk. Or a bit of both ...

I don't think anyone online could tell you if it was over or not, but it's definitely something you need to talk about with him.

And yes, tomorrow tell him it's your crash day and go over to a friend's house and sleep!

Thanks pinky. I think you are actually right. I needed to hear those words, he doesn't like anyone. So wouldn't surprise me if he didn't like me either. I'm an optimist and he is a pessimist. Always down on everyone and everything. It's tiring. He reminds me of a grey cloud walking around. Sad really, he was so happy when I met him but it's gone since his dad died.

I'd tell him you understand fully which is why you'll be having your crash day tomorrow.

... could he be depressed after his dad's death?

It's been 5 years anddeepbreath since his father died...

I also saw the other day he had been googling the name of the OW he had an emotional affair with. (They kissed) they apparently haven't spoken in 2 years and I know she has a boyfriend now. What does that say

He might be depressed but that's not an excuse for behaving like an arsehole!

OP today is your "crash day". Pack a lunch and go out leaving him to look after the kids. Tell him you're not sure what time you'll be back so he'll need to figure out the meals and the housework on his own, just like you do every day.

In your place I'd be considering booking myself into a hotel or B&B for the night.

Oh wow, an OW? And he's maybe not death with his dad's death? Sounds like he's emotionally checked out of your marriage and doesn't actually care how shattered you are. The only reason he'd get back in touch with OW would be because he wanted to talk to her and maybe see her.

dealt with I meant, not death with.

So probably not then! Definitely sounds like you have some problems there.

Are you able to talk to him about these things?

If not, people will be along soon enough with good advice (if you're thinking about leaving him there are a lot of money issues to thing through).

(Sorry, incidentally, don't mean to be one of those posters, just also never too sure about the instant LTB crowd that often shows up)

Just tried to talk to him again. Says he doesn't want to talk. Feel like I'm ramming my head against a brick wal

Go out for the day, just go, take some time for you and think things through in peace.

he doesn't want to be got through to, by the sounds of things.
i wouldn't be happy in this situation and would be actively starting to bail, starting with a separation, where he moves out.

How is he with the DCs?

I am wanting to bail. He is in total denial about his behaviour. He won't answer any questions. Just repeating I want down time. I've told him not to expect me to give a shit anymore if he doesn't. He doesn't see what he is doing wrong.

yeah, this sounds like a non-runner to me. people like him are not worth the hassle.
i wouldn't waste any more time talking and would separate. today.
tell him to move out.

He goes then. Simple.

He eats at the same time as you, and the same food as you. You cook, he cleans up. Or else he sorts his own food when he likes.

Ask him to leave. He's only providing money in this household and he'll have to do that anyway.

Find a good solicitor.