Is there any more I can do? Had enough :(

[yellowandpink]

I am feeling so low today and could really do with some tough love/words of wisdom from MN.

I've been single for a year, so not too long I know. I turned 29 in May and feel like the chance to meet someone is passing me by - my career is sorted and I live comfortably, have good family and friends. The only thing missing is someone to have a future with and most importantly a family.

This is the first weekend where I have started to lose hope. Last night I went out with friends from work...most left early-ish to get back to their family, and I was chatting to a lovely man who I later found out was engaged to someone (he's not given the impression he was single, but I had, in my tipsy state, assumed/hoped). When I got back home, slightly pissed I have to admit, I just felt shit about myself...I don't want to be out drinking to meet men on a Friday night...I want to be a mum, tucking my baby into bed at 7pm and cooking dinner for a family. I just want to settle down.

I've been proactive about this, and for that reason I do go out now and then and even when it's a sober event I will make the effort to talk to people and make new friends. For the last 10 months (a couple of months after the break up), I started online dating. I've met some great people and actually was exclusive with someone for 3 months until I decided it just wasn't right. But here I am, another weekend of being free to do whatever I want...yeah it's great in theory, but in reality, a weekend all to yourself isn't all that nice when it happens every week!!

People have told me to embrace these years and 'enjoy being single.' I honestly feel like I have exhausted this enjoyment...I did enjoy it, a lot. I do anything I want anytime I want...I've traveled lots, and have spare money for myself etc etc, time to take up new hobbies and so on. It's all great fun, I admit it...BUT, it will never replace wanting a family and a husband.

I've started to wonder if I'm no longer attractive to men, especially these days in bars when you see how glamorous women int heir early twenties are. I've just lost hope and it's not like me...plus pitying yourself is NOT attractive, I know... and that's not me at all, but this morning I just can't stop the tears and really need some support :(

xx

I was exactly where you are a few years ago, except I was 3 years older, so I know how hard it is.
I persevered with the online dating and eventually met a keeper so that would be my advice. Maybe try a different site? Do your friends know anyone they can set you up with?
It's hard to keep your chin up sometimes but you must.
I'm married and pregnant now so kissing more than my share or frogs was worth it!

thanks oyster it's all just become too much this weekend and ive just felt really alone.

it is nice to hear that you felt the same and now you are married and pregnant! congratulations :) how did you meet the one in the end? :)

I don't really have any advice for you.

I'm 40 and single. You have definitely done things the right way round and, although it doesn't feel like it at the moment, 29 is still very young.

I know what you mean about the young 20somethings. But if you step back and look at them, they are not offering what you are and are not going to attract the sort of men you want to attract (ready to settle down).
I went out on Friday to the sort of place I don't normally go that attracts these more glamarous women. I watched them and it was really interesting. They clearly expected to be found attractive/approached and looked/sounded confused and disappointed when they were overlooked. It was an education! Not all men are attracted to them...

It might be easy for me to say because I have my children, but of the marriages I know that were made in their 20s, most have either broken down, are unhappy or involve one person turning a blind eye to their spouse's behaviour, hoping they'll change.

Not many of them are truly happy.

It's of little comfort I know, but it's all I've got

thanks. appreciate your reply :)

i guess i have lost hope and have become bored with single life! not so much fun in late twenties.

my married friends age 27 all gloat a bit as well. makes me feel worse.

"I've been proactive about this, and for that reason I do go out now and then"

It's a numbers game. You need to be out and about A LOT MORE than now and then. Like 5 or 6 nights a week. Not necessarily bars, clubs and drinking-places but out. Do you have any interests or hobbies which you could use to meet more people?

my married friends age 27 all gloat a bit as well.

Ah, the Smug Marrieds, the term coined so accurately by Bridget Jones. They may not be gloating when (statistically) half of their marriages fail. I think you need to widen your circle of friends to include more people who are in your stage of life, I have to say I know virtually no-one who got married before 30 except members of my family. Most of my friends got married in their thirties, many were not with their future spouse at 29. So the key is to be around people who, regardless of what stage of life you're in or they're in, support you and make you feel good about yourself.

I was on pof and a few decent dates from there. Met my husband on match though.
It is a numbers game. You just have to push on. I have a friend who went on over 100 dates in a year before finding the right person!

Yes, they won't be so smug when, in 10 yrs time, the habits/interests/behaviours they find cute/can tolerate/hope they will grow out of now are still there. And they've long grown tired of them. And then they'll be psting on here saying they want to leave them but they don't feel it's a good enough reason.

Or they'll suspect he has a crush on the hot new thing at work and realise that their relationship was built on little more than fancying each other, hoping that they'll grow out of their less attractive traits and feeling like they were big, clever grown ups for getting married so young.

Or they'll find out that he's been sexting their best friend and be devastated...

Whilst you will be 30 and know exactly what you want/don't want and independent and strong enough to dump someone who doesn't measure up.

I get that the novelty of being single wears off. But not as quickly as the novelty of being unhappily married!

A friend of mine is early 30s, intelligent and successful and has discovered that her cocklodger of a fiance (doesn't work, does nothing in house) was sexting other women almost constantly. But she won't dump him because she's terrified of being single. It could be worse.

My advice would be to stop thinking of men as your type, branch out and try a few different types, because your type isnt working.

I could have written your exact post aged 29. I was so fed up and really wanted to meet that special someone and have a family. And I did - when I was 33. Had first baby aged 35, second one aged 37 and still want a third and fourth. All hope is not lost my love.
I decided around the age of 32 that I had to be proactive. I joined Match and the rest is history. I met the love of my life on there.
It really is a numbers game. Do not get disillusioned, even if you do get your fingers burnt along the way/fall for people who don't want you/kiss too many frogs along the way. Just stay on the site (don't come off!) and keep on dating.
I never contacted any men proactively, I let them email me. Which sounds arrogant, but I firmly believe men are only interested in looks initially ( especially on a dating site) and if they like the look of you, they will get in touch. Put your best pics up, write a profile that makes you sound happy and contented with your life but interested in meeting someone new.. And away you go. I absolutely had to drag myself on my first date with my OH as it was raining and I wanted to stay in and put my PJs on. But I forced myself out and had a great time. You just have to keep putting your best foot forward, keep yourself attractive and go for it. Just aim to make the dates FUN, don't worry about long term compatibility for the first month, and don't be too crazy picky. Somebody might surprise you. As it was, my OH made it clear reasonably early on (after 2/3 months) he was interested in something long term (and that he wanted children)... It was music to my ears.
Don't lose heart, lots of women wait until late 30s to start this process. You are 29 and young. Lots of men in their late 30s would LOVE to date somebody your age.
Don't lose heart. I know exactly how you feel though x

37, single. Few months ago I was down and in tears, at the moment I think "do I really need someone in my life at all?".
Eggs freezing comes sometimes to my mind, and it might be shock to whole my family. And there is still hope that I might meet someone.

Arrived to the UK when I was 28, I didn't even think of settling down at that age...

Good luck and don't loose hope. You are very very young. I wish I would turn time back and be 29 again ;)

Very good advice from OLY5, precious :)

Another one who could have written this post! At 29, I was in a very similar situation. Now I'm 36, married with a baby.

It does feel desperate and the loneliness can be overwhelming. These are very real feelings and not to be belittled. However, what you said about wanting to be cooking dinner and looking after your baby resonated. I spend my weekend nights doing just that. And whilst I love and am gratefulfor my family, I spend an ordinate amount of time remembering the days when Fridays meant flirting, wine and possibilities! I wish I could go back to my 29 yr old self and order her to enjoy the moment and her youth...It doesn't last forever.

I met my DH in our volunteering job when I was 32. By then I was in a good place. I'd just come out of an unsatisfactory relationship and was planning to spend time being single. But life got in the way!

I know there are no guarantees. But if you can get out and grab life by the balls, I think you'll be amazed at the opportunities that open up for you! Good luck xx

I want to be a mum, tucking my baby into bed at 7pm and cooking dinner for a family.

The grass is always greener! This ^^ is me. The novelty soon wears off.

I jest somewhat - tucking the little ones into bed is lovely on the rare evenings they actually go to sleep but I do miss those carefree days of being beholden to no-one, able to go out when the whim took me (and stay out as long as I liked), and NOT having to go straight home every evening from work and cook yet another family dinner (and catch up on mundane household chores before finally being able to put my feet up).

I was 30 when I got together with DH. I know it doesn't help to hear it, but 29 is no age.

I just wanted to say l know exactly how you feel. I recently turned 30 and l am also beginning to wonder if l will ever meet anyone, all l really want is to be settled down with kids.

Have also been single for a year after splitting from lying cheating ex, have tried online dating and been on lots of dates but nobody l wanted to take things further with. Recently had a 3 month relationship with what seemed like a lovely guy but he ended it very abruptly as he apparently didn't want a relationship this devasted me much more than l expected, l really liked him. It's also just lovely having someone to spend time with, having someone who texts you good morning and asks how your day is going

I have also tried all the usual advice of getting myself out there, volunteering, having hobbies, never turning down an invite. I'm not lying when l say that every single one of my friends are in relationships, with most of them already married or planning weddings. Whenever l have a moan about my single life they tell me to focus on my career, l have a good job which l really enjoy but it's not particularly demanding and certainly doesn't require any extra "focus." They also usually roll out the cliche that every single people hates "it will happen when you least expect it" no it won't! They seem to have this idea in my head that I am out there every weekend partying and meeting lots of eligible men, not the case at all when l can barely drag most of my friends out for a coffee, not sure who they think I'm doing all this partying with

Sometimes l feel like crying leaving work on a Friday, everyone seems to think I'm off to have this fabulous fun filled weekend loving single life when in fact l will be going to my empty house to yet another meal for one

And then when l do go out l agree that it's so depressing feeling like you are having to compete with all the glam 20 year olds, l don't remember me and my friends looking that great at 20 ha!

Anyways l'm sorry that I haven't offered any advice but just really wanted to let you to know you aren't alone, feel free to pm me if you want a moan

I'm 29 married with 2 school aged DC.

I'm tired and worn out, I can't remember the last time I went out and let my hair down.

I can't even remember the old me before dh and DC.

However I wouldn't want it any other way, even though my ds has autism and the challenge that is.

I can't pretend I can feel how you are, but I do emphasise.

I hope you find that special man and you have the baby you want in life.

If you don't mean someone would you be content being a single mum.

I married young (26) and separated from my husband just over a month ago (29)

It scares me to be single and scares me that I'm turning 30 soon and living back with parents but I hope it's just a stage.

We were planning on starting a family and it saddens me to think that I might not have that chance now, I wonder if I've wasted the past years in a bad relationship.

But onwards and upwards and hopefully good things will come to us all