How do I arrange Counselling?

[Dalilhama]

I have issues from childhood -
I have issues with my mother -
I have issues with past relationships -
I have problems with boundaries
I have problems saying no
I assume everything is my own fault
People walk all over me

I want this to end now. I want to be confident. I want to respect myself and I want to be able to tell people no without feeling guilt or worry. I never want to be stuck in a bad relationship again. I've had a string of them and I've had enough.

I've been toying with the idea of counselling for a while now, how do I go about that??

Have a look at the Counselling Directory or BACP "It's Good To Talk" webpages. There are profiles of counsellors on there that you can narrow down to your area. Have a look to see what they say about themselves, their areas of experience and how they work. Try to find one you click with - either by meeting them or by discussion on the phone/by email. Don't be afraid to say "no, I don't feel I can work with this person", but also remember it will take some courage to face these things so it is okay to feel nervous.

Well done on wanting to work on yourself and recognising that it's not your fault.

You can go to your GP and ask for help but my experience of this is poor, and waiting lists can be very long. Also, it's possible that you will be offered a very limited number of sessions. However, it may depend on your area so it is probably worth a try as a first port of call.

Can you afford to go private? You can find counsellors via the BACP website, or contact your local branch of Mind. Demand tends to be high, I think. I found a local organisation that could offer me long term counselling, I had to wait a few months but they could offer me a more reliable slot than I ever would have had from the NHS.

The other thing to look at is whether your employer offers anything, or could point you in the direction of services. I was lucky enough to have an employer that offered free counselling (though again it was limited) , and afterwards the staff welfare people could advise me on other places to look. I know not all employers have these provisions though.

I would strongly recommend you find a counsellor who offers cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). I have had this recently and I found it far more productive that the freudian "tell me about your childhood" type which I had before.

The idea behind it is to change your reaction to situations, and can change your thinking in just a few sessions.

Thanks guys.
I work for the NHS and saw a poster in the staff room about counselling in the form of occupational health team i think? But I assumed it was just relating to work issues

No I shouldn't think it is just work related. Give them a go, the worst they could say is your not eligible if it's not about work, but if that's the case I'm sure they will be able to recommend an alternative.

If you google for Italk there's the option to self refer.

I've booked a 'lets talk' assessment for next Tuesday

Good luck

Excellent. That's a great start. I wish you all the best with that. They'll refer you on if they think they are the best service for you or advise on next steps

Look into the Freedom Programme. I am told it is very very good.

I also work in the nhs. You can absolutely access counselling fron occ health dept for these sort of issues

Good for you OP. Your first post could also be like your mission statement, might be worth printing it out and checking in with what you've written down as you know what you want to address and change, and perhaps taking it with you when you go to see someone. All the best Dalilhama.

Good for you OP. I've been in therapy for the past few years and it's been the best thing I've ever done for myself. Like others said, its imporatant that you feel comfortable with the counsellor, like you can trust them, so don't worry if you decide you might be more comfortable with someone else.

Also, be prepared for it to take time, and to feel 'worse' before you feel better. Counselling / therapy involves taking the lid off a big box of difficult feelings and it can very painful and very hard work. This is totally normal and means that you're making progress. Good luck and well done for wanting to take your life back x

I would like to add that you could also look out for Assertiveness Training courses, perhaps once you've had an initial course of counselling (usually 6 sessions). These are often group sessions and reasonably priced.