I don't know what to do next...

[SpinkleIsALovelyColour]

Apologies in advance this is likely to be long
Been with Dh for over 10yrs. My family in UK his are in a country I lived in for a long time and it's where we met/married
Money issues and poor job opportunities for me there meant I came back to UK a few months ago - ostensibly to earn some money to send back and eventually return but really hoping naively he'd follow and we'd settle here. But...it would mean him leaving his 2 DC (my step dc) Now I always said I'd never make him choose which is why I've lived abroad for so long going years without seeing own family and yet it turns out that making him choose is exactly what I'm doing. The kids are 18 and 16 so not exactly littlies anymore which is why I had hoped he may have said OK to coming over. But a huge part of me feels like a complete utter bitch for basically forcing his hand...me and our ds or stay for other dc
I know I should return but I'm so fearful of living a life of resentment.
I don't even know why I'm posting tbh. Just needed to have my words heard I guess and would be good to hear thoughts from people without a vested interest.

What's done is done. You can change it now - or start to.

You're away from the carnage confusion, getting paid good money, dd is settled: chance to clear your head.

I'd suggest a professional to do a bit of work, just you, on why you buried your head in the sand. Just to get some pointers on how you could move forward. Then you have the other head-in-sand-burier to deal with at a later date. If at least one of you gets some clarity, that'll help.

Thanks so much everyone. Springy, I know my issue is that I shy away from conflict - now I've got to develop the skills to work through that. I hadn't even considered help, but yes, I think I should.
I'm just glad to have heard that I'm not completely heartless in thinking my stepdc are old enough for me not to need to put them first anymore.