Forgive me if none of this makes no sense but I'm just feeling incredibly confused about my last relationship and need some clarification as there's been some triggers lately...
I was in a 2 and a half year relationship with a woman who had some mental health issues...at the time she was going through a divorce.
I have no idea if it was abusive but it felt like it was...here are some facts about the relationship.
-I lived with her exDh so she could get more money from him and benefits for her children. The whole situation was very weird but I guess I was trying to help out as much as I could. I then had to move out to a shared house because she thought I was having an affair with him. I'm lesbian so no idea where she got that from.
-when I wasn't at work I was cleaning the house, helping with the children and doing everything I could to make the house run well. On my day off I would clean do laundry and organize their wardrobes and make sure dinner was on the table for her. She would flip between saying I didn't do much around the house to that I cleaned up too much. When I left for work one morning she sent me a picture of a pair of underwear i must've forgotten to pick up when I was getting ready. She also complained anytime she had to wash a top or dress of mine. She also said when I went on my diet that she was happy she didn't have to cook for me anymore.
I really got on with her exDh(very lovely) but was always involved in their fights. I never really went out much but one night I went out with an old friend and was accused of cheating from her and he sent me 13 texts..needless to say I left very early that night.
-I was on a grand a month and any tips or extra money I made went to her. I gave her 200£ a month plus paid for an extra room which I never stayed in unless things went bad so she could get more money for the children. I also bought her and the children presents and took her out for food but she always said I never bought her anything or took her out. I was always in the red a couple weeks after payday. At the same time I was paying off some immigration debt so not much was left over. I must say she was a very generous person herself.
-I lost all my friends and was accused of having an affair with the receptionist at work..she would constantly look through my phone.
-I would be sat watching tv then be accused of creating an atmosphere with my face.
-I ended up in hospital because I had a breakdown. she had me stay at my house when I was released cuz she was pissed off. Her exDh told me when I was admitted that she asked for him to come back. It was true and when I confronted her she laughed in my face. I got back with her because I had to take my life in the uk test and couldn't deal with the shit that comes with a breakup.
-she finally dumped me and wouldn't let me have any of my furniture, clothing, books or DVDs. I even said she could just leave it all on the doorstep so she didn't have to see me but no.
It's been over a year since we've split up. Some people become lonely but I feel like I've gone the other way...I've pushed everyone away as I don't trust them. I don't like anyone touching me and the I don't think I ever want to have a partner again. What the hell happened? I feel like I don't really every know if any of my emotions are ok to have.
I have blocked her and while all her friends kept in touch I had to cut them loose because I didn't think it was fair on her to keep in touch with her friends and I wanted to move on. Just recently her exDh began following me on Twitter. I let him but now I just feel like they're watching me or laughing.
Sorry this is so long I've wanted to post this for ages I know it doesn't make much sense but I need mumsnet to slap some sense into me! None of my feelings seems to make sense anymore and I just want to move on.