broke off with unpleasent man....feeling v lonely and isolated

[feelingbitlonely]

It's been about three months sine I broke up with a horrid man. I am feeling really lonely and sad. I worry as whenever I feel like this it's usually when I let an unhealthy man in my life

Me too. I'm so sorry you experienced such a terrible, terrible childhood (((((hug)))))

Yes to therapy. I am in a similar boat and a lot of therapy helped me enormously.

You still see your family? I may be wrong but is there a cultural thing going on here, is your family non-western?

I'm wondering you are subconsciously drawn to controlling abusive people? A case of " Better the Devil you know" sort of thing.

It really shouldn't be that hard to make friends, easy for me to say I know; but just talking to neighbours, parents at the school gates, church mosque whatever..

It is easy yes, to make friends but I meant the more meaningful friendships.

No it is not a cultural problem.

Thank you for your hug springy daffs. I think you understand as you've been through something similar.

Chilli and mint are you Asian or Muslim as your comments sounds as though you are and you assume that I am too by mentioning Mosque. Sorry but I am not and neither are my family.

Better the devil you know is not an helpful comment here and neither is also using the term abusive people. I did not once mention in my thread that I only knew these type of people.

It's just not helpful. I will give you a saying for food for thought, ever heard of kicking someone down when they are already down?

Spring daffs I do see my family but it's hard.

Spring daffs I am feeling it hard to share here as I feel uncomfortable with Chilli and mint character. I heard about someone sharing lot of pain on mumsnet and 2 people posing as helpers met the person sharing and then began bullying and tearing that person apart in the most disgusting way.

I heard through someone who worked for mumsnet as it was reported. These bullies actually went to the home of the person who had posted their pain and suffering.

When I heard this I always scared to post anything and I am feeling upset now by chilli and mint character.

it was found out

I don't think chili and mint meant any harm by it at all, feeling. I do think they meant to help. It's hard to accept we have been abused and this is what they're referring to I think?

The MNer who was abused and bullied by people trying to help - awful . I think that must be very, very unusual. But I suppose the moral is to not meet people in rl.

There are many ppl on MN who know from experience the kind of thing you are going through xx

OMG, I really didn't mean any harm OP. I'm not a bully in any shape or form
FWIW I had very poor male role models a child. I think that is why I was always attracted to men who were needy or in some way inept. I feel as a child that I had to take on the role of parent to my own dad.
I recognise that this has been downfall in meeting the right type of man.
Normal, well adjusted men ,I didn't feel an attraction for; in fact I found them to be intimidating in there ability to be comfortable in their own skin.
It was an alien concept to me.
I reiterate; I'm sorry if I've caused any offence.

No, don't be upset by anything Chilli said - she was trying to help only. You sound very frightened of most everybody? If so, I could understand that.

Remember, you don't have to meet anyone from Mumsnet in real lfe. Like other sites on the internet, you don't know who we are in actuality - springydaffs could be a 6 foot trucker called Dave with a huge beer gut for all I know - but you can dip in and out of here as you wish and ignore any PMs (Personal Messages) as you wish also.

It's just a place to talk - anonymously, usually. Even though some people meet in real life it's not commonplace I think.

Is there a reason you picked me out to humiliate cozie?

Well I was almost prepared to bet AF's house that you weren't - is that a good enough reason?

No it isn't.

Well I could be more prosaic and say that you happened to have posted just above Chilli and I saw your name but then I'm not sure that you realize what betting AF's house would entail! (I pale at the thought of the consequences of doing it and getting it wrong.)

Don't know what you're on about cozie but poor form on a thread like this.

I hope you're coming back, feeling. As you can see, mint - and many others on here, including me - has traveled along the same (painful) path. We're on your side

Ah well.

Cozie and springy daffs thanks as you both have been really helpful in positive way to me. Feel bad in that I've caused a bit of tension.

Cozie you are right in that I feel there are barriers up there and even though I do share a lot on mumsnet I always have a fear of a bully/being bullied.

Springy daffs yes it was a very unusual thing to happen to that MNter but it does make me worry and have a guard up at times.

CMint thank you for your apology and I am sorry that you also had a tough time in relationships too.

Welcome back this morning.

You shouldn't be bullied here, feeling - there are too many people posting who have had it happen to them to allow it. (You might get some plain speaking which can sometimes feel a bit edgy but that's a different matter, I think, and I suspect also would not be unwelcome to you.)

*this afternoon

Oops. (Didn't look at the time.)

My child was very clingy when returned by his father yesterday. I sleep in same bed as my 3 yr old as I need to organise to have curtains put up in my own bedroom. If my child moved in bd it put it's arms or leg over me so I would not move.

As I've just moved I am wandering that now I will have such long weekends every other week in a non familiar area away from any network I had previously built that should I move back. I am confused and realise that there is no good in making a rash decision.

The lonliness is just too painful.

You've just moved and your routine has been completely changed so feeling a bit 'off' is not surprising now that it's actually been done. (Until you do it, the move and other changes could have dominated your mind.)

Your horizons will likely expand a bit now but I think you need to give it a little time until you know more about your area and what's happening in your life these days.

I am so up in the air that I literally forget to breathe at times.

Did you get anywhere with those half-plans to do volunteer work?

I am going to the second hand shop this weds. I also need to look into maybe a creative/painting course that i could do over over 1 Sat a month.

I help out in a voluntary basis. It's been a life saver for me after emerging painfully from an abusive relationship, which ended abusively.

I would recommend you do this, even if it's just joining. You will meet lots of people and make up your own decisions who you like and who you don't. And take up art too. You will surprise yourself.

Feeling you are doing so well after your childhood (in which you were kept isolated and not allowed to model friendships) and have done so well to get away from horrible man, also not to go home with your friend (nothing wrong with this if you did want to) as you didn't want to - shows you have some self-preservation and boundaries which is excellent. And you sound lovely.
As others have suggested the volunteer work/ charity shop/ freedom programme but also maybe counselling to help with your childhood issues?

Also well done on the exercise that will help, lifting your mood if not with meeting people. On a kind of practical note I don't know if it's feasible but perhaps a pet such as a dog, if that is something you can manage? They are great company, great for lifting spirits and also great for meeting people and there are also animal organisations you can get involved in. Sorry if it's way off the mark but just a thought.

And you are doing very well and in time, this too shall pass (cliché I know but grain of truth). (hugs)

That's good news. Let us know how it goes on Wednesday.