Is my ex testing the murky waters that he left a while ago ?

[Bambino12345]

I have been separated for almost a year after being left for another woman.
I have written on here a number if times but not for a while.

My ex was horrible at the time, denial would be a good word to use.
He only saw himself and how happy he needed to be.
It's been a long and hard year but I am happy again and have two gorgeous little people who I have had to be strong for.

My ex though seems to be blowing hot and cold with me and I'm not sure if I should ask him to stop or if he is doing it subconsciously.
In short he has been making a lot of effort lately to try and please me, twice this month we have all been out to lunch together, I don't want to say too much for fear of outting myself but he was on the doorstep one day this week waiting for us when we returned from school, having had to arrange alternative transport from over an hour away I found this odd. I found it even odder as I have asked him for help, begged months ago and he wouldn't go out of his way then. He will be seeing the children this weekend anyway, he suggested we all go to an early dinner and then he would stay and watch the children so I could pop out for a few hours.

As far as I know he is still seeing this woman, it has never been out in the open so I only hear tit bits from other people otherwise he doesn't particularly mention her.

I'm not sure if I should politely ask him what he is up to or to leave it just in case he is just being kind etc, I don't want to rock the boat as we are really co parenting well at the moment I also don't want him to think I am asking him to get back together .

Should I just leave it or .....?

Where does he want to stay and watch there children, while you pop out

This sounds like muddying the boundaries by him. I would just say that does not work for me and stick to agreed contact.

Urgh, it definitely sounds like he's testing the waters to see if you would take him back - nice to see he's treating the OW as shabbily as he did you a year ago.

I would just firmly set some boundaries - happy for him to see more of the dc but could he let you know when he is intending to turn up so that you can advise if they already have plans that day. He can't see them in your house - I suspect that's what all this turning up spontaneously is all about? So if he wants to see them in the week he needs to have somewhere to take them/factor in homework etc.

I don't really understand this weekend's arrangement, isn't he taking the dc to his? Why would you need him to watch them at your house?

Is going out to dinner something you still do now? If not, I would say you don't want to confuse the dc.

Sure he just doesn't want access to your home and paperwork??

That was my thought too, Random!

Mine too Random.

I'd be very careful, OP.

Hi op, you have posted quite a few times about your oh, the one thing I am going to say to you and I suspect you are not going to listen because in your heart/ head, you want him to come back to you tell you how sorry he is and he is going up do everything to get your trust/ love back. I am tell you now that's not going to happen, he is one massive head fuck and in your heart of hearts you know this too, coming over fixing up your house, taking you all out for dinner, he is one selfish bastard, he wants you all to get along fine and still have his ow in his life, by goingout to dinner, being together, he has you right where he wants you. Can't you see as long as he strings you along you will never be free of him, or free to meet anyone else, this is exactly what be wants, He doesn't want you, but he certainly doesn't want anyone else to have you.
Grow a backbone with regards to him, give him whatever access to the dc, but you need to detach from this total mindfuck.
If you want to know how I know so much about these type if men, my f was doing it up my mother for over 30 years, yes, and she let him, he was happy as long as everyone danced to his tune.
See how you ex will respond to you once you start getting independent and detaching from him, God forbid if you mention another man in your live. guarantee the nice/ charming personality will disappear.
You should really be on to him at this stage. Start living your life with your kids and think of your future away from him. If you allow him to carry on as he currently is, your life will contine to be like this for you for long time to come.
I really do wish you the best.

Having read a lot of your threads, tell him to fuck off. Tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck and fuck his arse when he gets there. Tell him to fuck a dead pig.

Don't let him in to your house. Don't let him into your garden. Don't let him into your street if you can help it.

He is never going to see what he has lost. He is always going to gloat that he can just click his fingers and you'll go running (and he may believe that even though you know it isn't true).

He is not your friend. He hasn't been your friend for a long, long time. He is not going to be your friend. You need to protect yourself.

Sorry, but every time I read your threads I hurt for you. I just think that walking away from this is better for you. You need a lot more space to recover.

Yes, the one obvious thing that jumped out at me also, he knows everything going on in your life, whereas you know nothing about him, that's his control over you. You don't even know if he's still with the ow, and that's the way he will have you thinking, you will never know what he's doing or who he's with.