Sex and marriage

[Babashka]

I've been married a long time, I now have variable atrophy (dry vagina) and have been unable to have intercourse for a number of years. I have tried various treatments but none have made any difference, so our sex life is a hand job. I don't miss sex, but my husband does, I also don't get any pleasure from pleasuring him and I guess that comes across. Am I unreasonable to expect him to put up with this or would it be reasonable to turn a blind eye were he to look for full sex elsewhere ? I try and rationalise this but at the end of the day I feel we said our vows for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I didn't ask for this to happen to my body.

Meant vagina not variable (damn predictive text)

Sex is like food and water. Difficult to live without! Is oral on you not pleasurable?
Have you considered open Marriage?

If I was with a partner who physically couldn't have PiV but also was quite clear in their displeasure about the idea of "giving me" some kind of alternative, I would be looking to either leave them or open the relationship.

In your position I would consider giving him permission to go outside for sex, but think about negotiating what you'd be happy with. Would you want to know when he was going for a "date", or would you prefer him to just say "Off for a round of golf", and you agree to never investigate?

Would you be happy with him developing a regular arrangement with someone or would you want him to just have one-time hook-ups? Or would a sex worker be preferable? (one who manages her own business, obviously, not some poor street girl.)

Have a think about these things, and also bear in mind you can both re-negotiate the terms at any time.

If you generally are a good partnership, good parents, etc then this arrangement could potentially save your marriage, by removing the resentment factor.

It's hardly "in sickness and in health" though is it? Because oral is an option. Hand jobs work. I get very dry, but oral first and regularly pulling out to lube up works fine. Oral gets me very wet initially. I wouldn't be with somebody I could who expected me to go without sex for something that is fixable, even if only with oral.