My boring life

[crypto]

I'm sick to death of my life, I'm 23 and have 2 children, DH works nights monday-friday he's in bed every day, all day and I sleep on my own every night. On a saturday he's in bed from working friday night so I'm on my own all day again so the only day we get to spend time together is a sunday, even then he never wants to do anything.
Whenever he's at home he just sits on the computer or sleeps, we don't talk, we don't go out, we don't do anything. He has no interests in anything, has no hobbies (apart from the computer) and he just doesnt care about anything, even money...he gives me his bank card and I control the money, he doesnt care what I do with it. I don't think he cares about me either, on the very, very rare occasion that I go out he makes no effort to ask where I've been or anything like that, if I get a "dodgy" text message off a man (I arranged this to see what reaction I got! and let him 'find it') he didn't even question it! I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall, he doesnt help me around the house, doesnt help me with the wild, overgrown garden, he doesnt drive, doesnt want to go on holiday...I'm scared of leaving him however as I hate the thought of being on my own I see these couples who go out at weekends, men who arrange holidays for the woman, romance...who's going to do that for me with two kids in tow? I feel like I hate him, he makes me so unhappy, he's not depressed...as soon as one of his 'friends' asks if he fancies a night out he goes, but for me he just cant be bothered.

It sounds like you need to have a serious discussion about all this with him. Maybe he just doesn't realise how miserable you are? Would he look for another job or work less night time shifts?

We've had it out many times, he says he'll look for another job but doesnt and night shifts are all that is available. He says we'll start going out but on a saturday night he's too tired, sunday he wants to "relax", he says we'll go on holiday, if I mention it he says "just book something then, I don't care where we go" - what's the point if he can't even be arsed to take an interest? he just doesnt get it, he's happy to plod along changing nothing assuming ill always plod along with him but I dont want to, but i dont want to be on my own forever either.

Night shifts are soul destroying though

well assuming you still love him and want this to work, it looks like you are going to have to take responsibility for the fun stuff happening in your lives so book the holiday, get a gardener, get a babysitter during the week so you can go out and start getting a life.. even if he does not change, your life will, which will help your mood to be 23 and feel like that I find (at twice your age!) so sad you should be grabbing life with both hands when you are young, so when you get to my age you can look back with pride .. and to be honest, you have to carry on grabbing it I am just out the other side of staying in for several years after young kids and even though my DH would happily stay on the sofa for ever, I can not and am getting out more -- and feel great for it!