Should my dd still send an xmas card to her godmother

[angelsmummy]

My dd's godmother "fell out" with me in September, we live opposite each other and would you believe in all the time since our paths haven't crossed!

I don't know if I should send the Xmas card from my 4 year old dd?

bit of a dilemma

yes

In the spirit of Christianity, then I think so yes. Rather difficult to be a Godmother to someone you don't see.

Perhaps it might be taken as an olive branch also (if appropriate).

I would have your DD sign it and put a short note in from you, wishing a Merry Christmas.

Christianity is about forgiveness. If you can't be civil to your children's Godparents...

why do you want to send the card - is it so your dd can keep up the relationship with her godmother, is it an icebreaker for your relationship as well?

If you send the card 2 most likely probabilities
a) she gets into contact with you/your dd
b)she ignores it.

Would you be able to cope with these? If so then yes, if you want a relationship for her with your dd then do so. If not don't.

Sorry it will be a hard descision to make and sorry I can't be much help.

If you want her to have relationship with DD - yes (from dd only)
If you're interested in patching it up - yes (and add note from you as mentioned).

Xmas is extemely upsetting for us as my ds died on 23 Dec in 1998, every year I struggle on trying to keep up appearances to the rest of my family, but inside I find it so difficult.

My dd is asking a lot of ? at the momoent about "why Jake Died" etc, only a couple of days ago she asked if santa could bring him for Xmas. I tried to explain that she will never see him, so she then asked if her godmother was dead as she doesn't see her now.

I'm scared of making the wrong move I suppose, if the card is ignored I'll feel like I've let my dd down.

This is only the tip of the iceberg , just so many things to try and make Xmas as normal as possible proves so hard for me, My dd's nursery concert is frightening me because the 1st sign of Away in a Manger and I'm off crying again.

no simple solution I know, just hoping for some sensible advice of other mums.

sweetheart I don't know what to say, but this is obviously something that is making christmas even harder for you.

I don't know what to suggest, but hopefully someone else will be along who will.

oh - angelsmummy - my heart goes out to you. You have suffered the worst pain a mother can endure - the loss of a child. You do not deserve to be in this situation. This lady who is your daughter's godmother must have been a good and close friend? Or she would not have taken on the responsibility and committment of being a godparent.
I think your daughter should indeed send her a card. Whether you put a note in with the card depends on how strong you feel, what response you realistically expect to get, and how you feel you can cope with whatever that response is.
I hope that this lady will do the Christian thing and make her peace with you. I have no idea what the falling out was about, but feel you deserve some understanding and compassion, whatever happened.

Do you know about "the compassionate friends"? they are a wonderful group of bereaved parents who help and support each other. If you log onto www.tcf.org.uk you will find that they have a message board, forum and support network and can put you in touch with local groups and contacts. I do hope you manage to resolve this. Sending you love and sympathy.

sned a card if it will make you feel better about yourself and the situation- even if she doesn't respond. If you don't then it may be a missed opportunity and make the falling out more permanent. Would it be somopletely out of the question to text her or call or even visit her nearer Christmas?

Yes, please let her send it! I fell out with my god daughters (they are 18 & 8) mum & would love a card from the youngest.

2 years have gone by & I don't hear from her unless I call & it is breaking my heart!

I fell out with my DS's godmother ooh, 3 or mroe years ago, we still send a card / gift (though its now an Oxfam gift as have zilch idea what else to send) because one day Sam might want to get in touch. Besides, its chrsitmas, you don't exclude peoplea t this time of year. Surely?

Yes, she should and so should you. It might be just the thing to break the ice and mend bridges (am I allowed two non-connected metaphors in one sentence??).

Thanks for the support, and advice.

3 littlefrogs, thats a site I will definately check, I didn't know about it and I stopped my counselling pretty quick as the lady my gp sent me to was unmarried and childless and seemed on a totally different wavelength

I got my dd to write in the card before she went to bed, now I just have to wait a few days before we send it.

I'm glad to be be part of mumsnet as there are so many lovely people out there, thankyou x