Why is my married male friend getting in the way of me getting to know other man?

[itsyesterdayagain]

I have a situation. I am 37 and single I've been quite happy to be so but recently I have been feeling that I am ready for another relationship. I have actually met someone I really like and while I don't know for sure if he likes me back I do get a vibe off him. He is a friend of my closest guy pal (who I have known since we were kids) he is single to and has been for a long time as far as I can tell. He is a sweet guy who I think has been over looked by women in the past because he is a little on the short side at 5 foot 5 inches but he is smart, sensitive and hard working, I really like him a lot and I think he might like me back.

Its awkward though because I don't think my friend wants us to get together in that way. The first time we ever really talked and "hit it off" I noticed then that my friend started acting up, talking over us to get our attention and acting so weird that in the end I just left. Since then he has either avoided us meeting up or when we have he has been blocking us getting to know each other more by hijacking the conversation.

When we were teenagers he used to always say he didn't want me ever going out with any of his mates but he was ok with my pervious partner and he himself is married now.

This all looks really teenaged I guess but why is he blocking me from getting with this guy, I've tried to talk to him about it be he clearly feels funny about it and changes the subject.

Maybe he has feelings for you. Or maybe he knows something about his friend that he doesn't want to tell you but which would make him not want someone he cares about to get into a relationship with them. I have a male friend whom I love very much but I would try very hard to not let any of my female friends get into a relationship with him because of something I know that he did in a past relationship. I wouldn't go around telling people, but would steer my friends away if I could.

Who cares why he's doing it, he's being a twat. Just ignore him.

Could be insecurity that he might 'lose' his friend to you.

I don't think the other guy has anything bad in his past he pretty much doesn't have one unless his lack of experiance bothers my friend?

I think it is about my friend and me but I don't know what like I said he has never said anything to me about feelings or done anything and he is married to someone else.

As this has been going on since their teens, I think if he had feelings for OP it would be out by now...

You're right that it looks a bit teenaged . Other than the obvious explanation, all I can think of is that perhaps your close friend knows more about the reasons new man had been "overlooked by women" than you do, and is possibly concerned for you if you do get together with him.

He has always been this way about his friends and me it might be a kind of brotherly thing as I know some brothers hate it when their sisters hook up with their mates.

He was ok with my previous partner. I just really like this guy nobody else so I'd like at least to try and get to know him better without putting my friends nose out of joint.

Some people see friendship as a 'Zero Sum Game/Issue'. (You like his friend more so you like him less etc.) It's usually a sign of insecurity or low self-esteem - and you getting together with one of his pals 'robs' him of two people to his mind.

Ignore him. He'll either adjust or he won't - and if he won't, he's not too great a friend to have in any case.

He definitely has a reason for this - either he has feelings for you, or some other reason - but he might not even be aware of his hijacking behaviour, it might just be an unconscious reaction. Do you ever see the other guy without your friend? Could you ask him out on a date? Or could you be very forthright with friend and say I feel like you don't want me to talk to X and I think that is really mean-spirited, could you please be a good friend and back off? It might require you to be quite assertive to sort this out.

It may be a kind of possessiveness, but he's just being a dog in the manger.

I would just hang out with this guy without him, and if it turns into a relationship, present your friend with a fait accompli.

He sounds like the people who want everyone in their 'boxes'. You are his 'friend'. His other friend is his 'friend'. If you 2 got together, then you would be closer to each other than him. Some people are just like that.