Things your ex did that made you think 'utter fool'?

[LovesPeace]

I'll start.
Mine used to ask me to wake him for work, then would scowl and shout 'FUCK OFF!' when I did.
The he would lie in bed, refusing to get up and have his shower, making me late for work as I had to drive further.
I wasn't allowed to have a shower before him as he 'didn't like getting into a wet shower' .
What a tool - how did I not kill him?

Gin You must be mental to pass up on him and his FREE TOWELS! That made me thank you.

My ex was incredibly racist. Anything would set him off on a mad rant about "Johnnies", his word for those of caucasian descent, in spite of the fact his mother was white, and so am I.

He was going to go to the desert and train to be a terrorist. [eye roll] However, he never got around to mass terrorism, because he could never quite tear himself away from his XBox. He'd be on it from 9am to 7pm.

He really was an utter cock.

Lied about having a degree, lied about having a phd, lied about professional qualifications that got him a job at my company (though different dept at least). He had certificates.

I figured out he was lying about all that when it became apparent as a lay person I knew more about his degree and phd subject than he did, he had not one book on the subjects, could answer no question on them.

Stupidly I stayed with him a few months beyond this, though dropped big hints that claiming to have counseling qualifications when you don't yet continue to offer counseling is really dangerous and potentially damaging. He got defensive but after I left him (for other reasons as well, such as being a moany cunt with double standards and staggeringly selfish) it all came out at work and he was fired.

He still carried on lying to me, claiming he was made redundant due to a failed health and safety insurrection at one of the sites. He also told all his colleagues that He had had to dump ME. They saw through that because I was noticeably more cheerful since leaving him.

Last I heard he joined the police force. Nice, honesty chap like that.

Scared of hijacking this thread with the 100s of examples I could give but here's 1.

At the races with a group of friends I was given a tip on a horse by a random drunk Irish man. There was about 16 of us & we all decided to put a bet on it, except stbxh who flipped out because some man had dared to speak to me. It came in 40/1....hahaha

Oh, I've got another.

Told me I was wrong that he was a terrible lay, because he'd been to a prostitute who told him he was amazing, 'and she was a professional so knew best!'

He could not understand why I laughed.

At payday he used to spunk all wages on his dream of being an impersonator for a certain celeb - leaving me to pay everything for the rest of the month, every month

Lovespeace

wannabelolly

I've just remembered one my last ex did.

We were watching David Attenborough's "Africa" series on TV. A segment on meerkats came on. I love meerkats so I was entranced. Looked round at my ex and he was looking really confused. I asked him what was up and he said....

"Are you telling me those things really exist?! I thought they just made them up for that Compare the Market advert!"

Just to add to his shame, he was in fact African.

My ex husband (who doesn't care much for his own kids) is currently a month out of an engagement and not shacked up with his cousin's wife and her two kids.
That one's pretty foolish..... coming to a Jeremy Kyle episode near you!?

Didn't speak to me for 2 days because I asked him not to swear I. Front of my mum. Sulked for about a week because I should I have told him that most people don't wear jeans to the theatre. Stormed off in town taking my house keys with him ( in his pocket) and then ignored me when I walked him for about 24 hours because when he came out of the changing room In a shop to show me a t shirt he was trying on I was 3 feet away from where he he told me to stand.
I was only young and luckily I wished up before it was too late ( dumped him for the lovely man who became my DH eventually)

Lied about being in the Army, undercover in Northern Ireland and being shot!

He had a small scar on his back which was supposedly the healed bullet wound and even went to the extent of having 'nightmares', shouting out secret code words etc in his 'sleep'.

I was sworn to secrecy as he could still be a target if it got out.

I didn't know much about the Army but I did know the name of the regiment in the barracks 3 miles away from my family home - which he got wrong.

It came out when I met the friend he had supposedly been in the Army with, I was reminded about absolute secrecy before we went.

Being thoroughly suspicious by this time, I waited until BF went to the bar then made a reference to their time in the Army. When friend had stopped laughing, it transpired that although the friend had, BF had never been in the Army and the bullet wound was where he had had a cyst cut out.

I dumped him but he still phoned me told and that his friend had merely been maintaining secrecy because they were both still bound by the Official Secrets Act.

Thinks that Black people "smell bad" and that this is some kind of biological fact.

Got into an arm-flapping panic of preciousness whenever my dog took a shit during a walk, even though I was the one bagging it and throwing it away.

Allows a female friend of his to destroy all his romantic relationships through nastiness and power ploys. He knows that that is what she is up to ("Oh, X always becomes difficult when I have a girlfriend"), but he keeps her around and utterly devotes himself to her anyway (up to and including sleeping in his bed when she's feeling "stressed"); I was just supposed to suck it up.

I found him pretty fecking useless, but was blinded by limerence somehow... Glad that's ended.

Refused to get broken nose [rugby] fixed although it made his breath stink.

Didn't disclose his wages so kept us on the bread line [it was dreadful] until I worked with someone whose sister worked at his wages department! He withheld over 33% of his wages....we had 2 children and a mortgage, needed a good car so he could get to work and I worked as many hours as I could [and handed the money over] so I was funding whatever he was doing with the spare cash.

Refused to get acupuncture for a bad back problem [rugby again] as it cost money. When we split and he lived with his parents, the father funded it! And it worked.

He stopped seeing his sons when they were 14 and 11...so he could make another family with a new woman. Charming. Weak man.

Aside from the heavier stuff

Stranded me when we fought doing supermarket shops, we would be arguing because he wanted all top brands which we couldn't afford, but he'd insist we could because his parents could and they were as skint as us (they weren't but had brainwashed him into thinking they were practically a charity case!)

Sulked regularly for days.

Sniffed constantly but would never see a Dr.

Has a genetic heart problem but still eats far too much fried food.

Once had a raging argument with me about how to get from a-b in the city I grew up in! Stormed off and got lost, it was his first day there.

Pratt!

Generally thick actually, dd 14 is stunned. He has little world knowledge or common sense and hasn't read a book since school. Thinks politics 'don't affect real people' even though he's in the forces

He used to speak to me like I was shit and then if I cried instead of shouted back, he said I had 'no backbone'. He left me stranded in London once because I took too long brushing my hair in the ladies after the cinema. Can't believe I was with him 18 months!

My ex on our first date said that he was going to stop off at Gregg 's to get some din-dins for himself. He also wore grey socks in bed that looked like they'd seen better days. He claimed to be a trained chef but all I ever saw him eat was junk food.

breathes

Oh god. 1st husband used to sing Let's Go To the Hop oh baby when I said let's go ( when going anywhere ) and would shout sheite ( sp ) Muslim instead of shit when anything happened no matter WHERE we were. He also liked long lectures about how I did stuff wrong. Usually while his shirt was smouldering under the iron he'd abandoned on it to tell me off. ....prick

Pronounces the word 'episode' as 'effisode' WTF is that???

Used to swear blind that he had given up smoking (we could barely afford to eat) but we obviously had a ghost who smoked in the toilet!

Told me he thought English people were really cold and antisocial because they read books on the the tube (while watching shite, imported TV from dawn till dusk was fine apparently).