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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I tell DP

9 replies

Inthelookingglass · 24/09/2015 18:48

I should have said something ages ago but stupidly didn't.

Last year a close relatives long term partner made a pass at me - twice in one night. The second time I actually ran off. He has form for this but my relative thinks it's too much hassle kicking him out.

I never told my partner or her although I told another family member who I'm very close to the day after. She told me to forget about it. The reasons why I didn't tell them was mostly because I don't want my partner fighting with him, because it will boil down to that and plus she wouldn't leave him any way. I used to visit their house daily and immidiatly stopped and we drifted apart.

Last month I was at a family gathering and ended up being at a house party while both of them were there. I got drunk and told her that he had tried it on. She instantly blew up and said I was lying.i have never lied to her, she Didn't ask for any details and they left straight away.

Two other people over heard the conversation.

I havnt seen her at all even though we live in a tiny village or even at the shops which we normally bump in to regularly.

I don't know whether to tell my DP (long term kids ect ..) now the cats out of the bag he is being kept in the dark. I know it's going to get brought up again. This is going to turn in to a long term feud with my relative because that's how she handles stuff. It's going to be awkward if we see each other at family functions and dick head (relatives partner) will be smiling away knowing he has gotten away with it again (I'm not the first) and I feel now I'm betraying DP keeping it from him. I'm also pregnant and can do with out the drama.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 24/09/2015 18:52

Of course you've got to tell him.

Fugghetaboutit · 24/09/2015 18:54

Yes just tell him, why wouldn't you? Would look odd if you didn't.

Inthelookingglass · 24/09/2015 18:56

I feel I've left it too long and I'm worried about the fall out.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 24/09/2015 18:58

What do you mean by 'fall out'? Are you scared of him?

cozietoesie · 24/09/2015 19:12

You said yourself 'the cats out of the bag'. I don't see any way that you can't tell your DP although you'd likely want to put it in as low key way as possible.

I'd avoid future house parties and not get drunk again.

Inthelookingglass · 24/09/2015 19:15

By fall out I mean what will happen if I tell dp and if he goes round to their house or if he sees him in street/shops/relatives. I'm not scared of dp but scared I case they have a fight. I don't want to cause that.

cozie never a truer word,

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 24/09/2015 19:33

Well you won't have caused a fight. You haven't done anything wrong have you? Your DP is an adult. He can choose whether he wants be a neanderthal to fight. Not sure why he would choose to do that. You aren't his property but hey ho.

But this other guy's behaviour is what is causing the problems. It isn't your responsibility to keep quiet about him being a prick. If his partner doesn't want to face up to it then that's her business.

All this protecting of men's feelings. They can take responsibility for their own actions.

Inthelookingglass · 24/09/2015 19:52

scallop your right. I didn't look at it like that

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 25/09/2015 09:19

What scallops said. Why the hell would there be a fight!? You should tell your DP about this guy, he's been v disrespectful to you and to his partner, no need to keep it secret.

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