2nd hand goods

[Miseryme]

Feeling blue. We're both in our late 40s, newish to each other. I've come out of a very long marriage with kids, he's never been married at all. In clothes I have an incredible figure for my age. He's a gym bunny & is physically perfect. But between the sheets I feel like 2nd hand goods when I catch sight of myself. Slack boobs from breastfeeding, loose tummy skin & stretchmarks. He's of an age where he can (& probably will at some point) find himself a 10yr younger dolly-bird to have babies with. Wish I could be that girl.

Wow - what a depressing point of view. Your body has borne and fed your precious, beautiful children. It is a mark of who you are - a mother as well as a woman with an incredible figure for her age.

You clearly don't think much of your new partner if you think that all he values about you is that you look good when you're dressed :(

I think you need to do a lot of work on your self-esteem and try to come to terms with getting older because you can't turn back the clock; all you can do is make peace with the aging process.

Awwww how awful to feel like this about yourself

It's not even like he has said anything to you about this!

I would say that you MUST work on your own self-esteem. And if you are unhappy with your body, then do something for YOU. You kinda sound like you never do things for you.

Your new guy might not consider himself physically perfect either! You can't get inside his head to know what he's thinking but the fact it he's chosen to have a relationship with you, so don't sabotage it before it got off the ground properly, OP.

Misery, you need to work on your self-esteem! Is he feeding this self-criticism by his behaviour at all? Why do you feel he's 'probably' going to trade you in for a 'dolly-bird'? Why wouldn't you 'trade him in' for an older, more experienced man who has an equally nice body but makes you feel beautiful? You're both choosing one another - why do you feel he's the one making all the compromises?

I'd be wary of a gym bunny in his late 40's who's never married. Has he had any long term live in relationships and does he have any dc?

Does he pay excessive attention to his appearance or frequently comment on his fitness? Does he constantly watch his weight or does he enjoy a blow out at a good restaurant/hearty Sunday lunch/pints down the pub/slobbing on the sofa with a gi-normous bag of popcorn/chocs?

I hope you don't feel you're punching above your weight when he's lucky to have a wordly wise fabulous figured woman like you on his arm.

It is a shame you are anxious about your figure and 'defects' and gloomy about the chances your boyfriend will stick by you. Has he voiced any criticism? Was your divorce sparked by your ex being unfaithful with a younger woman?

How many of us have perfect looks or perfect body?

It a good relationship and attraction was purely about that then 95+% of us would not be in relationships!

My DH isn't a perfect physical specimen, never had been. Does that mean I'd prefer somebody who is? Nope! Likewise pretty much everyone else is slimmer and prettier than me but I'm secure knowing he's mine completely. As we both age this changes nothing.

I said to DP of nearly a year "dont touch my tummy its wobbly" to which he replied "yes but you've had a baby" well yes, 13 and half years earlier! this is why I love him!

2nd hand goods is a horrible misogynistic phrase.

You're in your 40s- it's obvious you're going to have had previous partners, the body of someone in your 40's, no?

I think it's very sad to think of yourself that way. Your body bears witness to your life, how can that be bad? If you don't love yourself how do you expect someone else to?

I'd be wary of a gym bunny in his late 40's who's never married. Has he had any long term live in relationships and does he have any dc?

I was thinking this.

I would be less worried about my own credentials and more about his tbh!