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Original poster

Is he a secret gambler...?

42 replies

mulranna · 23/09/2015 13:18

Ages ago I spotted something on the home computer about betting - mentioned it to DH - he said it was probably a pop-up - nothing to do with him and he had nt clicked on it.

Left it at that.

Today in history I see "links" (?) to 8 different online betting sites from last night when he was logged on the lap top - there is no logo against each just the name of the site and an icon which looks like a blank page with the corner turned down.....

He has just given up alcohol (again) as he has a recurrent drink problem that he was hiding from me by secret binge drinking when I went to bed at night.

I have just called him to ask what he is hiding - he has an issue with transparency which we are working thru in couples counselling - he says he does not know what I am talking about - I have not told him what I have found - i want him to be open. I also found soft porn but not really bothered by that.

Anyone know what the icon means ? I just dont believe that 8 different sites would pop up...what do I do now...?

OP posts:
TopOfTheCliff · 23/09/2015 16:43

You could try running a free Noddle or other credit report on your address to get an idea of how many cards he is running and whether there are any bad debts logged to your address. That might be reassuring if it is all clean.

Good luck OP. It doesn't sound promising Sad

Original poster
mulranna · 23/09/2015 16:54

Thanks Top - I will do that - do you know if there are any implications of running the check?

"He has loads of credit cards" - he has our joint debit card, two personal credit cards and a business credit card .... that is loads to me as well -- I dont have a credit card - just the joint debit ... I dont know if he has others.

OP posts:
TopOfTheCliff · 23/09/2015 16:56

There isn't any cost and you dont have to sign up for a 3 month trial or anything but you do get the odd spam email afterwards. It put my mind at rest after we moved to a house with a poor credit history for the previous owners.

RealityCheque · 23/09/2015 21:58

If he was watching a dodgy sports stream then he is 99% telling the TRUTH

Many of those sites have lots of betting (and other) popups that can appear many at once.

All the posters above commenting on this saying how bad it looks are not helping you with their misinformation.

RealityCheque · 23/09/2015 22:02

Oh and the advice from topcliff is good - but only on YOURSELF. Noodle (or experien / Equifax) all do free trials, however you cannot legally go checking someone else's (including your husbands) credit report.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/09/2015 22:07

Dodgy sports sites do tend to cause an avalanche of gambling pop ups and if there is no history of log in pages or browsing offers, I'd tend towards believing him. Do check your statements, though.

You also need a pop up blocker.

cozietoesie · 23/09/2015 22:18

I don't know about Equifax but I do know full well what Experian are like when trying to get out of the 'free trial'. (I think they reserve their most serious salespeople for that little telephone number - it's worse even than trying to get a Which free booklet without signing up to Which itself.)

At least noddle, while they may send you occasional unsolicited emails, deal with things over the net and are genuinely free and easy to get out of.

RealityCheque · 24/09/2015 06:40

I have used all three. They are all easy to cancel.

So what if there is a salesperson that tries to convince you to stay - do folk really have so little courage of their convictions that they can't so 'no, thank you' a handful of times? Hmm

sapphirestars · 24/09/2015 09:27

I just had to login and reply to this link. I think your dh ia telling the truth. Before we got sky, me and dp would use a site for movies and sports Blush (think free site) and we had so much ad junk pop up. Usually they were gambling sites as well and betting sites too. This also happens on porn. I understand why you are sensitive to this as when trust is gone it's so so hard to get back and I almost lol'd a bit when he rang back and confessed the porn but honestly it really does happen a lot. I hope I've helped in some way xxxx

LadyBlaBlah · 24/09/2015 11:12

I really don't understand why you have persisted at this relationship

Cheating, lying, drinking.

And you want to stay? I don't get it

You have very low standards

cozietoesie · 24/09/2015 11:30

It can be very difficult in real life, Lady - especially when you have DCs, an 'established' marriage and you probably feel sorry for the person concerned. Very difficult.

LadyBlaBlah · 24/09/2015 11:35

I know it is hard, but it doesn't make it right the OP and 2 dcs are living under this stress.

Sometimes the right thing to do (leave) is hard too. I don't buy all that 'established marriage' stuff because that is just cultural brainwashing not what is necessarily right for the OP and the dcs.

cozietoesie · 24/09/2015 11:43

By 'established' I meant that after a bit, personal and practical affairs can become so 'intertwined' that it might appear to be a huge obstacle if someone felt in a difficult position already.

Personally, I'd have walked long ago but then that's with experience and hindsight is often 20:20.

Original poster
mulranna · 26/09/2015 12:51

Hi All - he came home Wed eve and pulled up the dodgy footie feed to show me how the gambling pop-up ads come up and they recorded exactly as I had seen on history. Had been thru bank statements and nothing dodgy - did look at noddle but couldn't do it for him. I do believe him on this - and sapphirestars thankyou for your comment -

" I understand why you are sensitive to this as when trust is gone it's so so hard to get back and I almost lol'd a bit when he rang back and confessed the porn but honestly it really does happen a lot. I hope I've helped in some way xxxx"

You have - you all have. I am super sensitive but we a rebuilding trust - it takes time and this has shown how fragile that trust is.....

OP posts:
sapphirestars · 26/09/2015 20:32

You're very welcome OP and I'm glad that it showed up exactly as the browser history as it's been hard enough on you as it is so far. I hope he didn't give you rubbish for asking because surely it's understanding to be questioning about this all after everything you've been through but I hope it's given you a little piece of mind. It can't be easy for you x

cozietoesie · 26/09/2015 22:03

I'll be glad if this one has worked out for you, mulranna, although I really think that you ought to be taking a much more 'active interest' in the financial and legal affairs of the household, particularly in view of the position of your DCs.

Your DH should have no issues with this whatsoever - and if he has any questions about it, then that's something you should be able to address in your couples counselling.

Good luck for the future.

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