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Original poster

How to support partner with erectile dysfunction

6 replies

ScandiCinnamon · 23/09/2015 11:25

I wasn't sure whether to post here or on the 'sex' board.

My OH of 9 years and I have had a really rough year and have gone through a very rough phase. He was in the pits of depression which at first he projected onto me/our relationship, but it was really all about him loosing his mojo/midlife crisis. We slept apart (in house) for six months (so obv no hanky panky) and I gave him plenty of space and showed him nothing but kindness and patience whilst starting to see the most amazing therapist myself. We started joint therapy beginning of summer, he is back in the bedroom for just over a month (but no action). I have suspected that there was an issue in the erection department and last night he confirmed it. He just can't get it up. We are going to speak more of it soon.

He had the same issues when we first met, but once he relaxed in the relationship they seemed to go away.

I'm wondering how I can best be supportive in this situation, whilst also trying to get some intimacy back in the relationship.

He has been self medicating with some Kamagra stuff he has bought online (!) Hmm just in order to wank as he so classily put it.

OP posts:
gateauxauxfruits · 23/09/2015 11:57

Is he on ADs? All of them seem to cause this problem.

Kamagra sounds iffy, you can get reputable generic viagra online from real chemists quite cheap these days. But if kamagra works for him for his stated purpose, but he won't use it with you, it sounds as if the real problem is not just ED.

pocketsaviour · 23/09/2015 11:59

Advise him to see the GP.

Explain that buying "performance drugs" online is basically paying for the nose for stuff that could be anything. For all he knows the stuff's reconstituted horse toenails and talcum powder. The GP will be able to prescribe him actual, real, helpful drugs if it's determined to be a physical problem.

In bed, take the focus completely off PiV sex and concentrate on him getting you off through oral, manual, dildos, etc. Is he getting an erection at all, which maybe disappears at the moment of penetration? Or can he not get one at all? If the latter then that is more likely to be a physical cause, is my understanding.

Original poster
ScandiCinnamon · 23/09/2015 12:09

Pocket Saviour... I wouldn't be surprised if there was an itty little bit of unicorn horn in there too?!

I am at this stage not clear on whether he can get an erection at all. By the sounds of it from the very brief conversation we had yesterday he uses the Kamagra to get it up, as a (shudder) wank tablet Confused

I would be very happy to just fool around and not PiV and have actually been thinking of buying a vibrator. Just not sure which....

OP posts:
CathyaParker · 21/10/2019 06:39

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RLEOM · 21/10/2019 12:02

Are you sure he's not a porn addict?

labazsisgoingmad · 22/10/2019 04:36

are you sure there is not a medical reason for this? my partner has type 2 diabetes and has had problems for years. viagra sort of helps but not as much as you would think. to be honest we have had more success from a simple ring bought online for just couple quid. there is also the issue of being a porn addict which could well be another reason and quite a common theme

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