angry at FIL

[channingswife]

It was my dc2 first birthday last month. My FIL didn't ring, didn't text, didn't send a card, didn't send a present. He "liked" a picture I put on fb so he knew it was their birthday.

we live a very long way from DH's family. He has visited us once, for 3 hours when dc2 was born, bringing with him his latest girlfriend who we hadn't met (dc2 was 5 days old, I was trying to breast feed and had had a c section).

We make the journey at least once a year, they all say they are too busy to come and see us. Or they can't because it's too difficult with kids (this reason makes me the most angry because we have 2 kids and still do the journey!!).

Ignoring dc2 birthday has just been the icing on the cake. I've had enough, won't be making the effort. My DH is in the army and is away a lot, FIL likes to talk about this on fb all the time, but never actually rings us or makes contact with DH.

When do you know enough is enough?

I would be angry as well. Is this something that's been happening throughout your DH's life? i.e. his dad not really been bothered with him?

It's a sad thing, but ultimately it's his (FIL's) loss.

My FIL has always been like this - I couldn't give a shit to be honest. He does really odd things like send us a Christmas card that says 'to the both of you' - WTF, ds was 9 at the time!

Anyway, even more unnervingly he has now suddenly started appearing in our lives more. I don't give a shit about this either, he's perfectly alright, and he's only inviting himself to events we have already arranged with my MIL (his ex-wife) so I'm not making any kind of special effort.

Absent grandparents are not something to get upset about in my view. It's their choice how much or how little they want to be involved. And it truly is a one-sided loss, your dc will be entirely unmoved by the absence of a grandfather they've never known. So - meh. Don't make any effort to see him, he clearly doesn't give a shit.

I think it's DH I feel most sorry for because they used to be really close and speak often. My family make so much effort and I'm close with all my siblings so perhaps I'm just comparing two very different families.

But you're right, it's his loss. When we saw him over the summer my DC had no clue who he was, compared to my dad who they adore and see regularly.