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Relationships

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Original poster

Question for those who work - Affairs at Work

30 replies

AllAtIt · 30/11/2006 11:08

Change of name obviously for this question.

I work part time in a large place. There is a great social life attached to the work and I have a lot of very good friends there, male and female.

Over the time I've worked there I think almost everyone I know there has had some kind of affair or one night thing with someone else there. Most people are married or living together but it still goes on. I spoke to my friend at work about this and she said its not just our place, everywhere she has worked is like that. I do get a ton of attention at work from men, married and single and they really dont care that I'm married but I've behaved myself, even though I do go on all the nights out.

So, what I was wondering is, are all places of work like this? How do you cope with it?

The thing is, it gives me the impression that no one married remains faithful which would be a sad state of affairs really. Do you think that's true?

OP posts:

Marina · 30/11/2006 11:12

I think it depends on the type of workplace.
It really doesn't happen where I work (in higher education). But we don't have a culture of socialising a lot in the evenings. It's sociable, but not in a pubby, drinking kind of way.

forks · 30/11/2006 11:13

no it's not true. there is something called self respect which your collegues seem to have misplaced

pamina3 · 30/11/2006 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redbullandbump · 30/11/2006 11:16

where my mom works there are allways affirs going on, dp used to work their and i was allways worried thankgod he works on the roads now and only works with men

also where my dad works there are a few affirs going on.

i understand what you saying its as if most people now adays have no respect for the marriage/ relationship they are in and thats a very sad thing

fennel · 30/11/2006 11:16

It's very common in my area of higher education. must depend on the subject area, Marina, the lax social sciences are rife with it. especially all the 50-something profs with their nubile young PhD women.

Bugsy2 · 30/11/2006 11:21

When I worked for a large multi-national with a fairly young workforce (20s + 30s) there was quite alot of inter-colleague relationships. Married, single, in relationships - you name it. I always put it down to lots of people not having enough work to do & far too many work socials.

Original poster

AllAtIt · 30/11/2006 11:27

Bugsy maybe thats what it is, not enough work and too many socials, most people are in 20s and 30s too.

Also, I think its quite easy to become what you spend time around iykwim. So if after some time working there it becomes normal and acceptable to have flings then you become like that, bit of a self fulfilling prophecy kind of thing maybe

OP posts:

joelallie · 30/11/2006 11:30

There were one or two in both the larger companies I've worked for. A few became permanent causing a lot of kerfuffle for a few months sometimes people left the workforce, sometimes they didn't. But not aware of loads going on. The company I'm currently at is very local and everyone knows (and is often related to!)everyone else so it does get more heated if it happens. The previous place - younger workforce, more social stuff, fewer ties.... happened more but usually left less mess behind. Still not aware of 'everyone' being at it I must admit.

expatinscotland · 30/11/2006 11:31

No, it doesn't happen everywhere.

This place, for example.

Original poster

AllAtIt · 30/11/2006 11:33

expat, I've seen your comments on other threads and they've done a good job at reminding me why I want to be faithful despite getting no attention at home and tons of work. You're a wise lady!

OP posts:

JessaJam · 30/11/2006 11:37

Where I work is NOTHING like that.
But it has NO social life, plus is hugely female dominated workforce...

And I don't think it's true that no one married remains faithful (whether they are working or not).

expatinscotland · 30/11/2006 11:39

Well, AllAtIt, as my wise father often says, 'Never shit where you eat.'

So that would pretty much preclude work place affairs.

expatinscotland · 30/11/2006 11:40

This place is VERY anti-social, FWIW.

And tbh, I wouldn't want to hang out w/all but maybe two of my work colleagues.

In fact, I wouldn't pee on some of them if they were on fire.

frumpygrumpy · 30/11/2006 11:47

oh expat, I love that expresion, use it regularly.

Affairs at work, mmmmnn, I've only come across the odd one. I think when you are in an environment where it is almost accepted then its bound to blur your personal boundary lines. So someone may have always been flirtatious but because someone else had a snog, they might suddenly think thats ok and so on and so on. I personally would not want to work in that environment, even though I believe flirting now and then can keep a person alive!!!!!

Plibble · 30/11/2006 11:55

It happens occasionally in the places where I have worked, but is most definitely frowned upon. Your workplace sounds like some kind of revolting teenage shagfest. I don't think I would stay in a place like that as I would end up wondering whether other people got better work or promotion because of their sexual activities. Not a level playing field IMO.

Original poster

AllAtIt · 30/11/2006 12:02

lol at revolting teenage shagfest! quite an apt description pibble!

I dont think there's any danger of promotion from that because it's not a career place, just a job place, but I get what you are saying.

FWIW I didn't want to go back there after maternity leave because I knew I'd get dragged down into the culture again, yes it does become normal when you see it all the time and it does make you want the fun too.

OP posts:

Clary · 30/11/2006 12:08

certainly not the case here (I work in the media).

Lots of people are together having met at work (me and DH for eg) but that's not really what you are talking about, is it?

Original poster

AllAtIt · 30/11/2006 12:33

no Clarey (although there are plenty of couples there who met there). It is more that it is pretty much expected that you will get together "for fun" with someone else there. There is no respect for the "no thanks I'm married" brigade, the answer is always "it's just a bit of fun, no one is getting hurt" etc.

I don't want to leave because I love it there and I love the nights out. And yes, I do love the attention, even though I've not acted on it.

Friends there who I speak to seem to think that everyone everywhere has affairs if the opportunity is there.

OP posts:

Marina · 30/11/2006 12:42

Fennel, our place is small and you can't sneeze, never mind have an affair, without beady-eyed gossip-hounds on your trail (not that I have tried, but one or two others have)
an amazing number of students pair off and marry before they finish their degrees here though

thebecster · 30/11/2006 12:44

Definitely not the case here either (also in media). Us media types are obviously very respectable We socialise a lot together but there aren't any affairs/one night stands.

Seriously though, if it were like that here I'd leave.

Sheila · 30/11/2006 12:51

Sadly not the case where I work either - I'm single so would love the opportunity to meet some (single) blokes. Alwasy tricky hooking up with someone at work though even if it's all above board. Can get really difficult if it goes sour...

CheesyFeet · 30/11/2006 12:53

I used to work somewhere where this kind of thing was rife. I had a friend there (single) who had a year long fling with a married man. It is no longer going on but it did get very messy for a while. The Christmas Do's there were a free-for-all. I think I was labelled as boring for not getting involved.

I met dh at work but we were both single so no problems there.

anniemac · 30/11/2006 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

shhhh · 30/11/2006 15:56

"are all places of work like this?" depends on the workforce and if they have morals.

Yeah sure I worked in places where staff were having it away with staff and dh has worked in the same environment BUT imo I would never fall into that statistic necause I have morals and I believe that being married means staying faithful. I would hate to be office gossip for what I got up to with x. I also wouldn't have put my dh through it.

Im now a sahm so don't get invited to office do's..!!! Well only with dh .

FloatingInTheMoonlitSky · 30/11/2006 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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