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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New partner after divorce-- and a very long time without physical intimacy [blush]

7 replies

Heffalumps · 22/09/2015 14:36

This has been posted about in other guises before, I'm sure.
I think I am looking for a little reassurance-and courage-
I divorced a year ago and prior to this had not had sex or been physically close to my exh for many years. I have struggled with a few body image issues as a result-I am out of shape and have an un-toned 40-something year old body but do take good care of how I look in general and dress well....(not bad looking, I've been told ! )
I have been seeing someone for a little while and last time we saw each other there was definite chemistry there and I can see this progressing, which is great, BUT, I can't quite get over someone seeing my body, the wobbles, the bumps, stretch marks etc. to be that exposed (literally!) is making me feel more than a little nervous and, because it's been a very long time, I am also nervous about sex and physical intimacy too. I was with my exh for 15 years, it's been over 8 years since we last had sex Sad
This feels a little ridiculous writing it down- a 40 something professional woman, mother and with a happy life, but now with butterflies and worries that it'll all go wrong or my body may put him off Blush
I think that by being nervous I am making it seem a bigger thing than it is??
Anyone have any advice or been through this?

OP posts:
Cherrybakewells1 · 22/09/2015 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 22/09/2015 14:53

Well done for getting out there - that must take a lot of courage. I have no words of advice but did not want to read and run.
I am presuming that the new man is a 40 something too so it is likely he will have some degree of wear and tear as well.
It's all in the mind - think sexy and you will be sexy!

Cherrybakewells1 · 22/09/2015 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lostincumbria · 22/09/2015 15:02

Okay, 40 something man here. Most of us are just delighted to get anywhere near a naked woman!

Unless he's some perfect example of the male body, he'll be thinking exactly the same as you and be worrying how he measures up to your previous partner.

He likes you for a reason, he is not going to be put off by wobbles and bumps. Let the mood (and the wine) takeover and enjoy yourself!

derxa · 22/09/2015 17:12

lostincumbria is right. What a lovely post!

Heffalumps · 22/09/2015 18:13

Thank you
And thank you lostincumbria it's good to hear a male viewpoint, I could never see him worrying, but he's the same age as me so may well be thinking the same...
Will think sexy & buy some nice wine - it's so hard not to judge myself, thank you.
In the longer term an exercise dvd could probably do me the world of good-I haven't been too good at looking after myself physically since divorcing.
I am feeling a little braver Smile

OP posts:
Frecklesandspecs · 22/09/2015 20:32

I think I'd feel exactly the same OP. 35, separating and 3 young kids (ie still got all the wobbly bits) It's not on my mind at all ATM. (I just want to be alone ) but maybe in the future, I know I'd be very nervous too. Best of luck with it all and I'm sure you are exaggerating all the lumps n bumps anyway!!

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