Do I stay or do I go?

[Sinkingships]

Really struggling with this right now.

Things are complicated as you may know from my previous threads.

I have come to realise that I cannot live a life so far from my DC's. I knew that I would leave where I'm living right now to move closer to them after I finish my course of study but I feel like I just can't wait that long.

So now I have a decision to make.

I either leave being my friends, my home, the place I love living and my partner and transfer to a new course of study closer to them.

I defer entry for a year, move closer and save money until next year then start.

I stay here and commit to the whole length of the course, running the risk that I may leave part way through and lose my opportunity to get my degree and realise that I will have to leave in two years anyway.

On the face of it it almost seems like an easy decision. I desperately want to be closer to my DC's but I will be moving there with no job and no place to live, plus the new city is notoriously expensive to live in and travel to.

I desperately love DP and I don't want to leave him but I know he won't move with me and it wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to leave his whole life behind for me. I want him to be happy. And I know deep down that our life together isn't going to work long term while I'm so far from the DC's.

Please reply someone?

OP, I haven't seen your other threads so forgive me if I have your circumstances wrong, but if your DP does love you wouldn't he at least talk over the issue with you?

I have no doubt he loves me but I know he doesn't want to leave the area where we live because all his friends and family live here, plus his son.

How far away is it - time wise - mileage wise?
Realistically, if you did move closer how much more often would you get to see your DC?
Is there somewhere you can initially if you do move closer?
How long will it take to put all the practical things into place?

I would want to be near my DC. She lived abroad for about 17 months and I hated it. I visited a lot but it just isn't the same.

This is your family - your decision and your life.
We can tell you what we would do but this is down to you and you alone.

It's about 300 miles from where I live now, a 5/6 hr journey.

At the moment I can only make the journey once a month/every 6 weeks or so.

It might take a while to sort all the details but there is somewhere I can stay temporarily.

If I moved I'd want to see them at least on the weekends/weekly.

I'd move closer to my dcs, no question. Why don't they live with you? Is that likely to change any time soon?

OP if you move nearer will you actually get or be allowed more access to your DCs?

Move nearer to them.

Penfold, there's no restrictions on my access to them.

Be careful. One of my friends moved from north west england to the south coast to be closer to their kids, only to find that most weekends they were busy doing other things such as parties, going out shopping with friends, sleepovers, etc. Gave up a decent job and a loving new partner and ended up very lonely and still only seeing the kids for an hour or two at the weekend between their other activities. And it only gets worse as they get older. You may well be better off having a quality weekend every few weeks rather than a rushed couple of hours every week.

It doesn't help that my youngest is disabled and very confused about the situation. He is distraught when I leave and will frequently ask where I am and when he can go home. He talks to me picture in the living room. I just feel if he saw me more often he would feel more secure, knowing that he would see me again soon in a few days rather than weeks.

OP having seen your posts at other times and realising how unhappy you are away from the children I suggest you consider your options. Is there a college nearer home you could transfer to? Can you get a job nearer home? Could you move in with your parents and the children?

I have started another thread in Aibu penfold, I know I'm probably going to get a kicking on there but I need some advise and answers quickly as I need to make a decision very soon. I think that thread will probably answer your questions.

I remember your other threads OP, you're in such a difficult position.

Honestly in your shoes I would move closed to the DC and accept a slightly different college/uni course, and make adjustments to my future plans accordingly. I think that is in your best interests, and those of your DC.

It is a shame to end things with your DP, but ultimately I think you recognise that it would never be a long term thing anyway as you are both being pulled in different directions.

Wherever you move to, you will make friends (especially if you're starting a course) and yes it's a shame to leave people behind but sometimes that's the way it goes.

I think if your children were all able-bodied teenagers I would say no, on the basis that they will be out doing sports, partying, hanging out with friends and you probably wouldn't see them that much.

But given you have a disabled son, I really think you should go. It sounds like he needs your support.