Should I carry this on ?

[Rockluvvindad]

WWYD ?

Been dating someone for a few weeks, seeing her probably once or twice a week. On paper ( and on the OLD questionnaire ) we should get along great. Many shared interests, similar views etc...

This weekend she came over and we spent most of it together.

The physical side of things is great... We can barely keep our hands off each other when we do meet, but if feels like there is something deeper missing and I just don't feel that connected romantically...

I'm not really a massive believer in love at first sight etc... and do believe that love can grow slowly, but I'm wondering in this case whether I should listen to my gut like so many on MN advise.

My unease all boils down to the fact that we don't really laugh when we're together... She comes across as very serious, and rarely smiles. For me, laughter and shared sense of humour is vital. Life isn't all comedy but humour can make even the hard parts bearable, so if we're not laughing with each other when we're in the good times early stages, it makes me wonder. I'm not saying I am worried just because she doesn't laugh, only that it is the one thing I can put my finger on... Maybe a symptom rather than a cause if that makes sense ?

We'd both talked prior to getting together about not wanting to rush things, how we both enjoy our independent lives etc... But now I can sense she is becoming more invested in this than I am currently. My last attempt at a relationship ended badly, so maybe I'm just wary of getting hurt again...

What I'm hoping is that by hearing a few different opinions, maybe I can clarify in my mind what's the right thing to do.

RLD.

I thought it was usual to get laughed into bed! Surely laughing together and sharing the same sense of humour is a huge aphrodisiac? Didn't you notice it immediately?

And yes, it would really put me off someone and I wouldn't take it further if we didn't have the same sense of humour.

Hmm. Are you doing anything which encourages laughter on your dates? I don't mean going to a comedy club, but activities where you can find a lighter side to things? Personally I find the dinner/drinks thing gets stale very quickly when dating.

I couldn't go out with anyone who didn't make me laugh - sorry

I agree. All of my exes have been vastly different in so many aspects, with only an excellent sense of humour and high intelligence in common. Those are my deal-breaker. Even after years of marriage, our ability to laugh at things together is my favourite part of my relationship with DH. It's free entertainment!

Niceupthedance Normally all I need to do to get a lady laughing is to drop my pants... Though not in a public place of course ;-). In all seriousness though, It's really hard to answer that. I don't think I'm being any different than I have with previous partners and friends, and there is a lot of laughter there... We do a mix of different stuff on dates. Normal stuff. Meals, walks, movies, going out for drinks, night in etc...

I think all your views echo mine. I just don't see things working if we can't laugh together... I'm the sort of person that thinks laughing till you cry and your sides hurt is the best feeling ever. I have had that with previous partners, and I don't think I would be able to enter a long term relationship without it...

Thanks for your feed back everyone...

I couldn't date someone who didn't laugh with me. They don't have to be a comedian but they do have to be able to see the humour in things. My last LTR, he didn't have the same "taste" in humour as me - he preferred American comedies, which tend to be a bit too full-on for me; I prefer something sarcastic and witty, which he thought was too clever-clever. But we laughed together A LOT, about all kinds of things.

I think your gut is telling you she isn't right for you (or you for her.) I am sure she is a perfectly nice person, but just not for you. Best to call things off now before you both get more invested.

There are lots of lovely people out there who would make wonderful partners for someone, doesn't mean they are right for you.

In fairness she is being honest not putting on a phoney, edited persona. I agree it's important to be in the same range of temperament. If you're not convinced the two of you complement each other, it is better to say sooner rather than later.

I'm going to throw a spanner in the works..

She obviously likes you, or wouldn't bother coming over and investing all the time into you. If she isn't laughing or smiling much, she must also think the same... so why keep on with you?

I've had this before with myself, and it was nervs, in that I liked him SO much, I was so focused on what he thought of me it made me unable to relax and enjoy myself and well, just laugh and be myself. Maybe she needs you to help her chill within herself when she's with you? Then, if it still doesn't happen, it's just that you're not compatible :-)