Things people say when you're getting divorced

[nicknameidea]

Now that my breakup with ex-h is public knowledge, I'm finding that there's certain 'lines' people have used when mentioning our impending divorce (if they say anything at all). Sometimes said out of kindness, or disinterest, or discomfort. I'm finding it irritating although I know generally people mean well.

Some of the gems I've heard:

'But you always looked so happy' (yes I was very good at hiding the pain I was going through)

'You've hurt his male ego'. (used to explain ex-h's extremely shitty behaviour towards me post-breakup)

'It'll be nice for you to get some time free from the kids' (about my 'free' weekends every fortnight. Instead I spend these weekends missing the DC so much I never enjoy myself)

'We/I never liked him because of (insert event here)' (yes and you're telling me this now?)

'Don't worry you'll find someone else' (I don't want anyone else)

'Marriages are hard' (no shit. And divorces are just SO much easier)

'How are the DC?' (finding it extremely hard as it happens, like their whole world has come crashing down. Funnily enough people don't know how to respond if I say that).

I realise I just sound incredibly prickly and like nothing would be the 'right' thing to say. Overall I'm surprised by how rare it is for someone to say 'how are you?', which I guess is what I want to hear.

Anyone else had any gems from well meaning (or not so well meaning) people about their divorce?

[campervan67]

I've had so many clangers:
"he must be having a breakdown/midlife crisis/ be depressed, we're so worried about him" - from exH's family, and various mutual friends. No, actually, he's just a twat who ran off with another woman.

"you're so lucky to have every other weekend free, I'm so jealous, I never get any free time" from various school mums I know. Yeah, cos it's so easy.

"ooh, online dating must be so exciting" no, it's shit

"if my DH did that I'd cut his balls off/throw his clothes out in the street/never let him see the kids etc" actually, you don't know what you'd do until it happens.

"I'm so worried about my relationship, if YOUR DH could do it, anyone could do it" thanks for turning it all back to yourself

I much prefer people who genuinely ask how I am, and actually listen. And don't judge.

[Handywoman]

I had this from a school-mum friend (who isn't a close friend but is a psychologist FFS....)

'But what about the children?'!!!


Oh yeah, thanks, the impact on them had not crossed my mind........

besides leaving exH was the best thing I could have done for them

FFS!!

[LookAtMeGo]

Aww, I must have been really lucky. I had nothing but comments that helped to lift me. To the extent where I went around telling everybody I met,strangers, acquaintances, ANYBODY, what had happened to me. I'm usually a private person, but it felt good to let my grief out and I found everybody made really supportive comments.