Previously calm husband has started shouting lots and losing temper at the kids

[Mumsfret]

Just that really. I'm not really sure what to make of it but he snaps at the slightest thing at the moment. They can be challenging but they're young and usually it's me finding it all too much and him telling me it won't be this hard forever.
I've asked him if everything's ok at work, with us, etc. He says it is. He knows he's doing it and wants to stop - feels ashamed of himself when it happens - but can't seem to find the patience to deal with the unrelenting demands at the moment.
There are other pressures around at the moment but nothing insurmountable. And he's usually so optimistic and, well, capable. I'm a little worried.
Any advice out there?

Has he been to the doctors? My DH got rather like this and was diagnosed with mild depression. He managed to sort this out mainly with diet and exercise, with some counselling. Looking back, we think it was connected to the coeliac disease which he was later diagnosed with, but definitely worth speaking to a doctor.

Yes I had wondered about that, 2mad.
Sorry to hear about your DH and the coeliac disease. The problem with my husband (& many others, no doubt) is that he won't go to GP unless a limb is hanging off. If it is something like mild depression, I do wonder what might be at the root of it - the trigger, or whatever.
Anyway, your post has helped me not to dismiss my instincts! Thank you.

Give him a choice..he goes to gp to get checked talk about stress etc.
Or he takes himself elsewhere for a week or so. Because you and dc can't continue.

Sorry to hear it, I would advise him to go to the gp, I turned snappy and just generally got frustrated over the tiniest stupidest things, I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression. I feel so so awful for how I was over that period of time. I'm on antidepressants, eat better and look after myself a lot more.

If he won't go to the doctor but you think he might be depressed, could you encourage him to take up a sport, like running, where he can go out and work off that negative energy?

Thanks all. All very helpful and validating.
He does a bit of swimming a few times a week. Probably not enough for a man who was previously very fit/sporty and active. I will try to encourage him to do more and to facilitate it. I'll also work on the GP side of things but have a feeling that even if I get him to go along that he won't open up about the emotional side of things...

Personally I laid it on the line when my DH started doing this after his dad died.

I gave it a few months of pointing out his unreasonableness and overreaction but then at Christmas we had the chat.

I told him I loved him very much but knew he was hurting because he wasn't being himself.

I said that if it continued much more it would damage his relationship irreparably with DD and that I couldn't stand back and allow that to happen. I told him it was time to go to the docs.

I let him mull it over for a couple of days and then he asked if I'd come with him. I'm glad I did as he didn't see much of what he did when answering the questions.

Lastly I told him to leave any disciplin or corrections of DD to me until he regained his equalibrium again.