What is wrong with me

[Monkeychops12]

I feel there is something wrong me and I don't know what.
My partners personality has completely changed over the last few months and he says it my fault as I cry easily, I'm not sure what I'm meant to do to fix that, I have tried doing what he wants all the time it doesn't matter what I do I just can't seem to fix our relationship which was good.
I need some help as I'm struggling being ill atm but as I've been asking for help to much he doesn't want to help, he works evenings and weekends and I'm struggling with 2 dc that don't sleep I feel like I can't ask for help anymore as he gets upset with me, he's angry that I don't want to Dtd or I push him away we've tried a few times but it hurts after dc2, hes getting angry if I don't agree, he's started to make joke in front of people that so it looks like I don't do anything ie if I ask him to do something for a dc he says I never do it but normally have and always do it, I'm not allowed to tell other what's going on as he doesn't want others to know we are not getting along.

My dm also tells me how much I screw up and that I was a bad child/teen now adult she thinks I don't appreciate her and no matter how much I try and tell/show her I'm reminded of things I did ie run away as a teen ect.
I was abused by a family member along with another family member I always wonder if I could have stopped it getting as bad as it got.

What is wrong with me I hear of everyone having nice family's and I feel like I must be the problem to have so many not so good relationships, I wish I new what to do to fix them all, it feels they would all be better off I wasn't around but my dc need me so I wouldn't do what I keep wanting to do.

I nc for this.

Your DP is abusing you. Your mother sounds abusive. And you have suffered other abuse from family members.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.

Your past abuse makes you vulnerable to other abusers, but you can escape the cycle of abuse and take steps to help yourself on the road to a healthy relationship with yourself and with others.

Call womens aid, they can help you. Good luck

I don't feel I can call I think I may be overreacting, I'm just not sure of anything as he can be nice for a few days then not be nice but when things are good they can be great and it normally something I do that upsets him, sorry not sure I'm making sense I've not been getting a lot of sleep lately.

Maybe look at the website? You can use incognito browsing so he wont know you have looked.
Feeling confused is normal when living with an abuser. They keep you confused and wondering if you are overreacting and so you stay. The cycle of nasty then nice is very typical too.
Abusers will always blame you, but their outbursts are their responsibilty, not yours.

Sometimes I think posters on here are too quick to call 'abusive' - but Monkeychops your partner is abusing you. None of it is your fault. Have a read of this www.mumsnet.com/relationships/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship

I think you might be depressed (crying a lot) because you are struggling on alone with your two DC, not getting enough sleep, and not getting any support from the one person who should be supporting you.

And the person who abused you when you were a child/teen is responsible for their actions - you are not, you did not cause it, you were just a child/teen. You deserved to be protected, not abused. Your mother sounds awful and damaging.
napac.org.uk/

You don't have to struggle on alone - please get help.

You didn't have a nice family.
You learnt some awful lessons from vile abusive adults when you were younger.

Please go to your GP and get referred for counselling.
You don't need to cope with all of this on your own.

Then contact Womens Aid and get an exit strategy in place.

Please do NOT stay in another abusive relationship.
You are now seeing that it's not 'normal' so it's time to take the steps to break free and start yourself on a new patch without abusive people in it.

I keep overthinking everything over the last couple of weeks and I just can't see how it's not my fault at time as if I had done things different when I was younger it wouldn't be like this now so I've made everyone around me this way, I know in my heart it's not rational but in my head that's how I feel.

Hells you've commented on a thread on another board I started under my original name today thankyou I will try I can't promise ask for help, I just don't know what I would say.

Everything's confusing as I want us to work and he used to be great and can be then times he's really not.

"I just don't know what I would say"

You could make an appointment to see your GP, and tell him/her that you're really struggling at the moment, you were abused as a child, your mother is emotionally abusive, and now you're starting to realise that your partner is being abusive too. Please could he/she refer you for counselling, as you can't cope.

It doesn't matter if you cry in front of the GP - they will have seen that many times.