A friend that embellishes, lies and makes up stories in a group setting - why?

[bacon]

Went out a few nights ago, lovely people, great night. But one of my friends always embellishes the facts on a story - sometimes she'll say remember that? I just smile or giggle. I've caught her out a few times now on things said in the past that she cant remember she said but I have a marvellous memory and its far from the truth. There may be an event in the past that totally true but she'll add so many bits to it that are total farce. While her friends will be impressed and holding on to her every word.

Why do people do this and I dont want to be drawn down this faff.

She does it because she wants her friends to "be impressed and holding on to her every word".

This is usually the sign of someone who's either attention seeking or emotionally insecure about their ability to make and keep friends.

My dh embellishes. He does it to entertain. We all know he does and do make jokes about his exaggeration. You should try gently mentioning it in a lighthearted way and see how she reacts.

Sounds like she's doing it for entertainment value, to make people laugh. Don't see any harm in it tbh

Hyperbole is harmless as long as her exaggeration doesn't make other people look bad. It's entertaining if done well.

One of my friends is the master of it. We hang on everything she says, rib her when her stories drift into the impossible and encourage her to tell favourite tales over and over (each new telling is slightly different from the last).

My sister does it. She's not lying, but she tells stories in an entertaining way. I've heard her tell other people about something I'd been involved with and I barely recognise it. I know to take it with a pinch of salt, but she's funny.

Do you think you're a bit jealous of the attention your friend gets? To me, that's what the tone of your post suggests.

I had a friend who did this, but in relation to bad things that had happened. She'd always embellish and make it out to have been the worst possible case imaginable. I caught her out a few times, as we both shared a couple of serious health issues and in a one-to-one she let slip that her situation was not as bad as mine and it turned out she hadn't required all the medical interventions she had claimed, and which I was now facing.

I got really hacked off with it. Her situation was bad enough and was deserving enough of sympathy and support without her having to lie and 'go the extra mile'. I felt manipulated into levels of sympathy (I would still have been supportive, but I would have liked to have been supportive based on the truth, not based on lies). And because I was more private about the specifics of my health issues with friends, I was often told, well at least you're not in as bad a way as X. Which also hacked me off.

The whole friendship ended up being a major headfuck and I ended up never knowing whether what she was saying was true or not. I believe she has mental health problems (just my opinion, which I freely admit I am not medically qualified to give) and I believe that this was the only way she could deal with what was happening to her. Fine. But I can choose not to deal with it. And I did. She then moved away and neither of us have made any efforts to keep in touch.

A bit of hyperbole in a group setting is fine IMO if it's to make the story better and make people laugh. I know several people who do it to some extent. Yes, if you were there at the time you know it wasn't quite like that but I think it's generally pretty harmless unless there's a significant backstory.

I have a friend like this, OP who I massively distanced myself from.

Hers is not for entertainment value, which would be fine, I think.

She lies and exaggerates everything, pretends we knew celebrities when we were younger, it's really weird.

I can't be doing with her anymore. She's told loads of weird lies about me and while none are hugely damaging they certainly paint me as a totally different person to what I am.

I have no idea why she does it but I've grown totally sick of it and have little to do with her now. I can't keep up with her!

I embellish stories for entertainment value, so long as they are harmless does it matter?

Oh ffs. I do this as well. It's called storytelling. I don't add things that make me look good (quite the opposite, I'll often add things that make me look stupid because that's funnier), but if I'm expecting people to listen to me in a social setting I should be giving them something they enjoy hearing. It's performance, it's storytelling and people enjoy it.

As long as she's not embarrassing or denigrating you or anyone else to do it, why on earth do you care so much? You sound like a bit of a killjoy. (And as an aside, why should I accept that your memory is marvellous and hers is faulty?) Are you jealous that people enjoy listening to her stories more than they do yours? It sounds like it.

I think you need something real to worry about. Set something close to you on fire.

I also do it, although I'm very careful to make sure I'm not hurting anyone in the process- the only person I'll send up, for instance, is myself. As Sheba says, it can make a story funnier- it entertains people.

However, I have a 'friend' who does the opposite- she'll embellish a story with insulting (about other people) details in an effort to make it more interesting/funnier. It doesn't work.

It sounds as if your friend likes to entertain, and there's nothing wrong with that. It also does sound as though you're slightly jealous and as though your own talents- 'marvellous memory'- aren't being recognised as you think they should.

I never let the truth get in the way of a good story

Let's face it, life is generally pretty dull. If you can make people laugh with a good story, why not? As long as your not hurting anyone in the process there's no problem surely

Jesus, Sheba calm down!

Walter, Anais Nin once said that we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

Believe me, when I'm foaming at the mouth, you'll know about it.

In the meantime, I suggest you and OP don't ever read any travel writing or memoirs. If you knew how writers like James Herriot and Bill Bryson produce such sparkling, enjoyable, entertaining and moving books, you would be Very Cross Indeed.

Sounds like you're one of those dramatic attention seekers that everyone pretends to enjoy listening to, and this has hit a nerve.

You'll see from my post that my 'friend's' exaggeration hasn't just been harmless entertainment...

But why would you let that get in the way of a good twatty post, eh?

Walter, I'm flattered by your attempts to make the thread all about me, and puzzled by your attempt to make my direct response to the OP all about you. My advice remains that you avoid travel or memoir writing because it would make you even crosser than you already are.

As you were, people.

In the meantime, I suggest you and OP don't ever read any travel writing or memoirs

This wasn't addressed to me?

I embellish too. I tell a great story. My Dad always said..."why let the truth get in the way of a good story?" . Which makes me laugh. It's never lies, just a bit of exaggerated story telling. For example if i fell over and my feet and face were covered in mud i might say "I was covered to toe". It's harmless. Just entertaining and hurts no one and gives people a laugh.

I do have one friend who always cuts me off in the middle of stories and constantly goes on about me exaggerating to the point when she's around I don't speak.

I always get the vibe she is jealous? I don't see any point to her micro checking every fact and it spois harmless fun.

It always felt to me that me exaggerating was harmless but her obvious need to cut me down was a bit more worrying.

I avoid her now.

erin30, I'd like to hear your stories. And don't worry, when someone's telling an anecdote that everyone's enjoying, and some pipsqueak tries to ruin it by whining, "Ooooh, you weren't actually COVERED in the mud you knoooooow", EVERYONE knows what they're doing and why. And yes, it's envy. OP clearly resents the fact that her friend's audiences are always "impressed and holding on to her every word". She'd do much better just to enjoy the tales and maybe take a few pointers if she wants to learn how to hold a crowd.

I've been doing it lately when telling people some funny stories from early on in my pregnancy. I pretend my husband was there at the time. He wasn't, but it's so much more entertaining to relate his exasperated and bemused responses than to say, "I did this stupid thing and nobody was there to give me any witty reaction so I just went on and did something else. Thanks for listening!"

A friend of mine is a successful stand up comedian. His stories are not always 100% true. I remember they started back when we were teenagers and he'd tell personal anecdotes that had us in fits, or at least extremely engaged until the end. I sometimes knew when he'd made something up or embellished a little but I was having far too much fun to care and so was everyone else. As long as he wasn't being unkind to anyone else to do it, I appreciated the entertainment.

I'd personally prefer a funny story over a boring one! OP I'd really let it go and focus on the things you like about your friend . Unless you have other reasons not to like her.

I know my friend tries to cut me down all the time and her only criticism of me is that I embellish a story.

I am also kind, loyal, there for people, generous, compassionate, supportive.

My friend is quite passive aggressive towards me. She does stuff like "accidentally" texts my ex boyfriends. Allegedly wrong number etc.

I am not saying you're jealous of your friend, but if you look at why her stories being factually correct bothers you so much it might help.

Most funny stories are embellished

Another story embellisher here, but only in the most light hearted and harmless way just to add entertainment value, also like Shodan said, I'm mostly sending up myself. It's never done to be a drama llama or with the intention to mislead or garner sympathy or to worry people. I think intention is everything here.

And I would never, ever tell an outright lie, no matter how hilarious or entertaining it might be. If i say something happened, it did. I have very little tolerance for people who tells lies and believe their own claptrap.

My friend is highly entertaining has s mantra 'never let the truth get in the way of a good story' it is blatantly obvious she is embellishing for entertainment value though.

I think if you know she is lying, being a massive drama llama or having totally false memories/perspective of what happened in an alarming way then you are right to be irritated or concerned.

But if you are just being snidey about the fact that she spins a funny and entertaining yarn out of what is basically the truth, then I'd say you were a bit jealous of her ability to command an audience and get the laughs to be honest.