Suicidal Threats

[Coquelicot1986]

I want to be with someone who is married, he is of the same opinion. This is not a whim we have a history going back 30 years. I could write a book/film about it but am trying to keep this brief.

When he told his wife he was leaving she threatened to kill herself so he now feels he cannot take the risk.

I do not understand how she can want to stay with someone who is in love with, and wants to be with, someone else and I don't understand how he can stay in the relationship for the sake of someone else when it is not what he wants.

I see this as emotional abuse and have read that it is the most effective way of making a partner stay.

I feel like we are in a no-win situation and do not know how we can progress. We are all unhappy even her even though she still 'has' him.

Has anyone any experience of this?

You sound awful. She's not an emotional abuser, how ridiculous.
I know someone who was in your position. The man said his wife told him she was suicidal so he was too worried to leave her. It turned out he had no intention of ever leaving her at all and she hadn't said she was suicidal. He made it up as he wanted to have his cake and eat it.

More fool you for being his bit on the side for so long! If I were you I'd prepare myself for holding out another 30 odd years cos surely if he hasn't left her already then his not going to.

I do not understand how she can want to stay with someone who is in love with, and wants to be with, someone else
But you are in a very similar situation, surely? You want to be with someone who has married someone else, usually a sign they were in love, and who has been with someone else for many years (not at gunpoint so far). Yet you still want to be with him. I'd have thought you could empathise pretty well.

When you are suicidal, doctors tell you to inform your family so that they can spot any suspicious behaviour and take action if necessary. I had no-one else to tell, so told my ex-husband, but he didn't react in the slightest, not even stepping up on the childcare when I said I didn't feel capable of looking after the kids. Maybe your adulterer actually has a tiny spark of sympathy for the woman who was supposed to be closest to him. One day you might be in the same position; would you rather he didn't care at all?

Wow, you steal time, energy and money from this Woman and now you think she is faking a very real understandable emotional response. I know of people who threatened suicide and saw it through.

Watch An inspector calls, on iPlayer, op.

What's the relevance of the OPs user name, please?! I feel like I've missed something....

I'm glad it isn't just me iasm.

If she was born in 1986 then she's far too young to have been knocking boots with Mr Shifty for 30 years.

He's spinning you a line most likely.

I'm nosy. Explain this 30 year history?
Have you been sleeping with him the whole time? Did he meet and marry his wife before or after your 30 year history began? Why has it taken 30 years for you to realise you want to be together?

(Fully admit I'm mainly being nosy)

She's not coming back people.

You must lack emotional intelligence if you can't understand his and her feelings and reactions.

Either that of you are blinded by your own selfishness

On the off chance OP is genuine, my STBXH told his counsellor and even me that I'd threatened suicide if he left. I was totally puzzled, I'd never said any such thing. It was a great relief to get the lying bastard out of my home.

Thanks to this thread I realise that was probably the lie he told OW, to explain why he didn't leave me despite her leaving her home, marriage, children and job for him. I think he told that lie so often, so convincingly he eventually believed his own lie.

BTW they are not together. Out of the affair bubble they actually didn't even like each other very much. So sad.