Anyone know or been involved with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?

[LapisBlue]

Hi all,

Following from the really interesting and useful thread about psychopaths and sociopaths, I was wondering (given my personal experience) if anyone has ever been married to a BPD man (or woman)?

I am still reeling from how I have been treated and I'm finding it hard to move on from his irrational responses to things, uncontrollable rages and violence. He has been convicted of assaulting me and is now COMPLETELY ignoring me.

Anyone else had a similar experience?

Lapis - what do you mean , he's ignoring you ? Do you still live together ?

No, he left the house the night of the assault and is elsewhere (at his parents' house). We have a joint business together and he won't even discuss that. I have been "ghosted", apparently.

The police picked him up the evening after the assault. The last time I saw him was in court.

Good , I was just checking that you are physically safe .

What's to happen about your joint business ? Can you run it without him ?

You need to get as a far away from him as possible before you worry about understanding him

Yes, exploring other options at the moment.

I am safe. The bruises and cuts have faded but the memories of his mental health problems and how they manifested themselves will take a lot longer to fade, I think. Early days at the moment.

Hi Lapisblue

I have BPD and I'm happy to chat if you wanted to?

Yes, married to someone for 26 years, originally diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, then Bipolar, then 5 years ago diagnosis changed to BPD with Cyclothymia.

Have had a few violent episodes and threats, thankfully none recently. His temper is largely controlled now but his arrogance and conceit is very hard to live with. I would leave if it wouldn't make things difficult for the children.

Hi mammabmamma, thanks for engaging with me. Hope you're OK.

Wow, to the previous poster. 26 years? How often were the outbursts? With me they were every 10 days to 2 weeks.

Has he been diagnosed and/or received treatment for his 'mental health problems'?

Are there are any court orders in place which prohibit him from making contact with you?

Why do you want to talk him and can you not communicate whatever you have to say to him through a third party such as a solicitor?

He would just be angry, all the time over simple things, then it would build up to extreme levels about three or four times a year. He now posts online in facebook groups and twitter where he can argue to his heart's content but from a safe distance.

Yes, he has been diagnosed. There are no court orders but given that he's ignoring me I don't think I need them.

Solicitors are beyond expensive. I want to engage with him to get closure, to work out what we are doing etc.

Sorry, guys. I just wanted to know about what others' experience of living with BPD is like on a day to day basis so that I know it's "not me". Guess I know that already but this is a very confusing time for me.

Another with BPD happy to talk

But I think it's important uoi realise that BPD cannot be blamed for violence etc. many of us live with and control it to the point where the inherent manipulative qualities are always bubbling and in need of restraint but wouldn't ever physically hurt anyone

I have a friend who has been diagnosed with this and she is the nicest, kindest funniest person I know
I'm privileged to be her friend and don't think having BPD is an excuse to be vile
My oldest son also has this and is in no way nasty or violent
I believe it is now being called emotional intensity disorder which tonme sounds more accurate
Sorry for what you are going through but not everyone who has this is like your partner and I'm just concerned about generalisations

My ex had/has this but I think I heard it decreases in severity as the person gets older. Not sure how correct this actually is but he's early 50's now and considerately calmer and easier. I had court orders and a psych assessment as DC are involved. No contact was allowed other than telephone/letterbox

But as young adults they are now free to pursue visits. He's been here with his new partner and we don't see anything other than a normal person with a normal relationship now

My DS is assessed as having a personality disorder which my guess will be BPD due to some psychotic and paranoid features. He does try and manipulate, yes, but never uses threats or actual violence to get his needs met. His difficulties are by far and away emotional.

I would say the person who suffers most is him actually, and I am really pleased that there is a more positive terminology being used because my experience in MH as a professional is that those with such 'disorders' are not spoken of very kindly. I hope you things work out for you OP

I'm a bloke with BPD. I can be a pain sometimes, but in no way am I a bastard. Some people with personality disorders are arseholes, some people without personality disorders are arseholes too.
I'm very sorry to hear of your experiences.

My ex had BDP. If I can give you one bit of advice it's this. Do not have any more contact with him. You cannot negotiate with this man about your business and you will not get the closure you need. His emotional state will be heightened because of the court case and the chances are he will blame you entirely. Get a third party in.