Divorce with no family around

[nowayjose1]

Hi,

After feeling like this for two years I'm sure the best thing for my husband and I is to separate.

We have two children 3 and 5, I have a great circle of friends but I'm absolutely petrified of being alone! Basically I don't have contact with one single member of my family (not because I'm horrible! Dad alcoholic, mum abusive so cut contact years and years ago)

I just can't bear to think I won't have anybody :-( obviously will have my lovely children but silly things like what will I do at Xmas time etc. What if never meet any else again! I don't want to end up completely alone.

I guess I just wanted to hear uplifting stories from anyone who has separated without a family network to feel supported.

Thanks :-)

I have sisters but they're not local. NC for years with my parents.

First divorced Xmas, dropped my daughter off with her dad at 11:00.

Came home and RELAXED. Ate the cheese and pâté that I loved without any rubbish old turkey roast that I didn't care about. It was bliss. Actually got a call to see new-ish BF in the evening and nearly didn't bother, I was having so much fun relaxing alone.

Don't fear being on your own. I was far more lonely in a shit marriage!

People put all sorts of emotion into Xmas and I think it's just not helpful. Any other day of the year, some child free time to please yourself would be seen as a good thing!

cabrinha good for you. How lovely to see such a positive response to the OP's dilemma.

It's not just Christmas the OP is worried about though, is it? It's potentially a lifetime of being alone. And the thing is that when you're on your own all the time anyway eating what you want and relaxing alone isn't a novelty.

If the choice is being alone eating what you want and relaxing whenever you want, or being alone in a shit marriage which is eating you from within and preventing you from ever feeling relaxed surely it's a no-brainer Blackcloud?

You'll be ok. Things change. There's always something around the corner and that's exciting - you get to choose what happens next.
I was a single parent ten years ago and I felt liberated when I left my abusive ex. I did get lonely moments which passed but now I'm married (not that happily I might add) I look back on my single days very fondly.
I don't really remember feeling that lonely very often. I didn't even have any friends either!

I agree there is way too much build up and emotions put into Christmas. I'm thinking I would maybe go away or do some volunteer work. I know my friends would invite me over but then I worry they will feel obliged too each year! I know it sounds silly banging on about Christmas but I'm just using it as an example.

I think I need to change my mind set and understand that yes its going to be very different but not necessarily bad!

Plus like you say would I rather stick in a crap marriage and feel miserable forever. So I spend a few Xmas alone, hopefully won't be forever anyway!

Great to hear from someone else who has divorced and has no contact with the parents! (Obviously sorry you went through that though!)

Goddess, the op says she's terrified of ending up completely alone and the truth is that she might do.

She hasn't said her marriage is shit, just that she doesn't want to stay married and the truth is only she knows whether her unhappiness within a marriage is worse, potentially, than being alone - that's different for everybody.

It's lovely some people find positivity and enjoyment in being alone but others don't - that's all :)

The truth is that as we're not programmed to die at exactly the same time as our loved ones, anyone of us can find themselves 'ending up completely alone', Blackcloud.

The only certainty in life is that we only get one go on this particular karmic ride and we're best advised to make the most of it by living it to the full.

Of course, but we have choices as to what living it to the full might entail.

We all have our individual interpretations of what that might entail, Blackcloud, but imo it would be nigh on impossible to live life to the full from the confines of an unhappy marriage.

I was in your boat. I don't have any family. I amalone and I feel it. I'm not going to lie!

However...

I wouldn't return to my unhappy marriage for anything!

It is a possibility that you'll be alone forever, of course it is, but it's unlikely and you have friends. I didn't have friends either. I know people now and I have a social life. I do stuff. I do more and have more of a life than I ever did while married!

I had contact with my family when i divorced but had 3000 miles separating us. I couldnt go back as I was not allowed to take the kids. They couldnt come to visit as too old/frail/sick. I also didnt want to burden them with the details,it would have been too much for them.

I had very few friends (read 1 ) as I had been isolated and lost them all.

My kids were 5,6 and 7

Throwing that fcker out was the best thing I ever did for myself and my kids. It was not easy and yes I did get lonely. I discovered that lonely was better than sad and scared. watching the kids discover the joy that could be had at home instead of having to be silent all the time was the best feeling ever.

I also met my now Dh and have been married very happily for 13 years at this point. So never give up hope. I was 37,broke as fck,had 3 kids and a very very nasty exh. I figured I was alone for life, so wasnt looking for another man let alone a husband.

It wont be easy but It can be done and you gain all kinds of strength from knowing you did it yourself ( well at least I did )