Seems never-ending...I date, I've met some lovely men who want to take it further, but I never want to and don't know why? I'm 32, is this is for me?

[sugarlove55]

I started dating 6 months ago after a not so nice break up (what break ups are?!).

I've met a couple of slightly weird people, but the other 5 who I saw a few times have been lovely, decent men, with good jobs. They were polite, from stable backgrounds, and made me laugh.

All my friends (expect one - just one!), is married. I know I can go out and make more single friends, but life isn't that easy, I have a busy job and love the friends I have. Hence the online-dating to meet men, though I don't ignore other possibilities of chatting to men on trains, bars or through work!

I'm starting to wonder if this is just me - why can't I pursue something with someone who is so decent? My two exes I fancied from day one, and there was a spark...but they both had issues (not huge ones, but issues), and in a way I felt like I could care for them a bit. I'm clutching at straws here to work out why I haven;t wanted to take it further with any of these recent men, and that's the only thing I can think of. And of course, the more I got to know these men, I'm sure they would have had plenty of insecurities too.

I can't work out what is going on... what am I looking for? These men on paper are perfect. And even spending an evening with them is fun and nice. Part of me always looks forward to going home (alone!) afterwards. I don't understand this as I really do want a family and a future with someone, and I've always 'fallen' easily into relationships in the past, and it felt natural to do so.

Am I doomed...why aren't I happy or excited with anyone I've met?

Feeling fed up.. xxx

"I'm starting to wonder if this is just me - why can't I pursue something with someone who is so decent? My two exes I fancied from day one, and there was a spark...but they both had issues (not huge ones, but issues), and in a way I felt like I could care for them a bit"

That's part of the problem now right there. You want to take care of people who have issues; you want to fix them and make them "better" because that then makes you feel better about yourself. However, you cannot do that in relationships because such an approach simply does not work. You perhaps subconsciously think that men without hangs ups are boring because then you do not need to fix them.

I would seriously consider thinking about what you learnt about relationships when growing up as well; what sort of an example did your own parents show you here?. It may be worth discussing all this with a counsellor as well.

I also think that widening your own social circle would be an excellent idea; make time to do other social things that you have never tried before.

Yes, you're a 'fixer,' and it will all end in tears unless you educate yourself about co-dependancy. Read some of the literature out there, check out on-line articles. Once you know what you're dealing with you can adjust your thinking and start to fall for those decent blokes and most importantly, avoid the other sort.

Most people I know are decent human beings with stable jobs. That doesn't mean we could or would settle down together; it's not enough to base a relationship on - you need a spark too.

I think you just haven't met the right one yet and should go on some more dates.