Is my adult DS just too nice?

[zas1]

My DS age 22 and in last year at university is, everybody agrees, a lovely young man always kind and considerate to others. He has got a job lined up after he graduates in an environment where lots of selfish egotists predominate,which worries me as in how will he fit in Also, despite being good looking intelligent & personable he doesn't seem to have had much of a love life. I wonder sometimes if he is going to tell me he is gay. Whether he is or not I just worry he will be taken advantage of say in a relationship. Everybody he meets loves him, even when he has his bouts of depression he cares about others a lot.

Too nice for what?

I don't really understand what you're asking.

There's nothing wrong with not having had much of a love life. If he's good looking, intelligent and personable, then it's clearly either a choice he's making, or something he's keeping from you.

At 22, don't presume you know everything about him.

Too nice as in he won't flourish in relationships or at work, not sufficiently self-focussed for the kind of environment he will be in

I worry about my eldest being too nice. He is such a gentle, helpful soul that I worry about him being exploited at work. He's doing an apprenticeship at the moment and I have noticed that he seems to spend a lot of time helping his fellow apprentice out. I think I need to talk to him about making sure he gets his own work done and the other lad doesn't take credit for things he's done.

It is nice that he's so easily pleased and the world is very kind to him, however. He does seem to get back what he gives out. He's different to your boy OP in that he's had a couple of longish term girlfriends. The first was a complete using, histrionic mess who cheated on him and dumped him after giving him the run around. He learned a lot from that!

I don't think we've got much to worry about. They do learn from their experiences and I think will be ok.

Well the truth is that he will manage just like everyone else. He will make mistakes and he will learn from them. Presumably he knows the field he's entering, having trained in it.
He will make bad relationship choices and get things wrong ith colleagues. And then he will suss it all out like everyone else.

There's nothing you can do about it.

And he will be fine.

I think what you are saying is that he might not be assertive enough.

Being nice and being assertive are not mutually exclusive, of course.

Learning to be assertive can take a long time. I have struggled with it and because of that I have encouraged assertiveness (not selfish behaviour, and not rudeness or aggression) in my DCs

As for work - if the field he is in actually requires/attracts competitiveness or 'aggression' and that's just not him, either he'll reject it as a career, or muddle through and find a company or a field that suits him.

He's 22, with time he'll continue to develope as a person. Who of us are the people we were at 22? This is all part of life's rich tapestry.