Can ex take daughter to sleep at new girlfriends house overnight?

[mummymummypony]

Hello all!

As the title suggests, I'm trying to find out if my ex can take our daughter to sleep at his girlfriends house on a regular basis without notifying me. I don't know where she lives and I'm not really interested, he just makes all sorts of parenting decisions without consulting me, even right down to changing her bedtime, and I'm just wondering if this is another thing I should overlook. I'm not ready to argue with him and I'm just looking at it from the point of knowing where my child is spending her nights. He point blank refuses to divulge any even minor details and I didn't even know he was seeing this woman for months even though she was caring for my daughter with him every weekend. I knew he was seeing someone but he would lie about it. No idea why. Our relationship is well and truly over and I am really not interested in getting one over on him. I'm just wondering about the legalities of him taking her to sleep at homes that I am not aware of on a regular basis. If it was a once in a while thing I wouldn't expect to have to be told, but if it is a regular place of residency for him surely I have a right to know.

Thanks and hope this doesn't sound like a ramble. Getting quite tired of the back and forth with him so just want to know before I have to have any further discussions with him about this. He hasn't taken our split well, started seeing this woman two weeks after and spends most of the time we talk lashing out at me so I just want to get my facts straight and to the point.

Does he answer his mobile to you when your daughter's there?

In theory this isn't much different to going for a sleepover with a friend or cousin in his time for example- though better as at least her dad is there. But you should be able to get hold of him when she's with him.

Yes he does. There was a period of time when he blocked me from his phone and he still does things like put the phone down on me. He is an emotional abuser. And if I have any concerns, he refuses to discuss anything or inform me of what is going on. For instance, I asked him if he has a car seat for his new girlfriends car. He refuses to discuss even that with me. I have her car seat so I was inquiring. He has taken her in cars without her car seat many times, it was an issue for me when we were together.

So as long as I can contact him it is OK? I'm just wondering what my legal stance is. What they do together is not my concern. I'm just wondering if I have the right to know if she is spending regular weekends at a new address. I don't want the address or anything, just a notification from him as to the bigger changes in our daughters life.

The thing is, he's equally her parent. You are not the boss. It's a shit one to get your head around, but it's true. Do you tell him everything you and she do together?

IMpersonalE, I told my exh that, as the primary carer, I would be expected to know where she was (I made that up, it's not true) but also that I would need to be able to contact him in case of an emergency and vice versa.

I knew when he was taking the children to the ow's house but I didn't know her address. I was always able to contact him, although it was never necessary.

One thing that I hadn't banked on though... whilst she was quire happy having an illicit affair with a married man at work, the reality of saturday morning dance classes and small child paraphernalia cluttering up her modern, minimalist apartment wasn't really something she'd planned on and dumped him after a couple of months

We now have a working agreement re new bf/gf but, as we are both currently single, it's not an issue.

I tend to find I'm more 'whatever' about it now. Didn't want them to spend time playing happy families with the woman who had participated in destroying their family. But if he now met someone nice who was kind to them, I wouldn't mind.

Legally, what's everyone else said. You aren't in charge of where he takes her or who with.

It would be lovely to have a good working relationship and discuss people who are coming into your DD's life but from your description of your ex I wouldn't be holding my breath personally.

In your position I would make very sure about emergency contactability and also be as positive as you can with your DD about this new arrangement so that you can talk about what it's like there etc rather than her feeling like she can't bring it up. I don't say that because of anything in your post, just think some kids would not want to mention dad's new GF to mum and vice versa, which actually ends up meaning you know less about what's going on.

Ummmm whilst all the above is correct you can expect to know the address of anywhere your DD is staying. A court would support this

Would it though, toffee? Really?

I only ask because it's never occurred to me to tell my exh where the chn will br spending time/the night!

I haven't seen that ordered but haven't done family work for years and never been a big issues esp since everyone has mobiles and so few people have/answer their landlines so actual address not huge issue. All assume parent is present- I can see different if child left with GF overnight.

He is the parent to so yes he can do this. Legally he does not need to tell you an address as long as he is contactable by phone.

From what you've written and assuming he has PR then it's not really any of your business. It's a hard pill to swallow but in so far as he's not taking her out of the country or doesn't put her safety at risk then everything else is just between the two of you.

You can raise the car seat issue but unless there are serious risks to dd then you'll not get very far. So you wanting to know of any regular address won't get that far. If you imagine it the other way, if for example you took dd to see your mum or cousin or aunt or best friend whatever EOW then it'd be none of his business to know where or why - just that she's safe is the only concern for the courts. I know it's awful, but the law is often at odds with the realities we face.

No no ladies, it isn't awful, I honestly don't care that much. They have spent every weekend together and she stayed with them for the summer too. What they do really doesn't bother me. I am very over it. He was an emotional abuser, my life is a lot easier without him.

I just wanted to know for legal reasons and so I know in case we talk about it again, or if any emergency comes up. Its just comforting to know where my daughter is. But overall it isn't that bad.

I am very happy for my daughter to talk about the time she spends with her dad. I would never restrict this. My parents went through a painful divorce and I would never want her to experience that kind of thing. And yes, I learn more about her time with him if I am happy to listen to what she has to say.

My major concern was that he started having a new family life with this woman and our daughter literally within two weeks of our split. He is not very well emotionally and has rebounded very hard. But I don't even talk to him about that anymore.

Thank you for the advice, I don't even have the energy to address it with him anymore. I was just wondering, as if they spend every weekend there, I wasn't sure if this would make her home the contact residence and therefore a residence I need to be informed of.