Why do I feel like this?

[Dollygirl2008]

Hi, firstly Id like to say thank you to all the people that have been replying to my other posts - I cant tell you how much support I get from you all, so thank you.

Situation in a nutshell (although my first post details it all) but my other half of 26 years left 3 weeks ago to move in with a woman from work - they've been having an emotional affair for a few months now, just after we'd decided we had pretty much reached the end of our road - we have a gorgeous girl, 6.

However, since he's been gone - I feel nothing - or at least, very little, and I'm scared why. I'm insanely jealous, don't get me wrong, but not that OW has him - more because he wants her rather than me. Maybe its a case of "I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him?". Anyway, I don't miss him at home, I don't want to see him. I picture him and OW together (yep, the full works) and I feel nothing. Gutted that I couldn't "keep" him, but I hardly cry, if anything, its just pure anger that he felt it acceptable to move straight in with her on the day he left, and didn't take any time out (she has 3 children). I found out that they had a nice "family" weekend last weekend at a festival and although I initially felt sick, I recovered quite quickly and got on.

I guess I overanalyse it - why do I feel like this - was I that unhappy? Maybe. He was quite controlling and I felt like I was trying to please him rather than be myself. I'm focussing on myself and DD but I can't shake this worry that its all going to hit me like a train. Maybe I need to see them together to make it real? Is this normal...

You poor thing you are just going through the motions of overanalysing, eating away at you, questioning etc.
It sounds all normal to be feeling like this.

This was NOT your fault in any way. If he had a problem with you or your marriage, a good man would have sat down and explained this, want to get some outside help, literally anything before resorting to having an affair. This was entirely about him.

I wouldn't worry about it. Why do you need to feel devastated? When my xh left, I felt much as you describe.

I've not felt like ive been hit by a train yet and it's 3 years on. Yes, I think you're over analysing it

Quite simply, you feel like this because you are better off and happier without him.

The feeling shit you couldn't keep him is your indignance talking. You know it was about him and not you.

And now you are free to live your life without him.

From what you say, he did you a favour really by ending it. I think it's possibly dented pride(?) that is at base of the jealousy, when you say you don't miss him and don't feel much otherwise. I don't miss my ex either (although I was the one to end things). And we were together 20 years, so a similar length of time, and sometimes I think surely I should miss him or feel bereft in some way, but I really don't. It's mostly relief and peace . Long may it continue.

I think many many women would love to feel how you feel. I can say that I didn't so I feel quite envious of your nonchalance. Having said that, emotions are illogical things so you can't know how you'll feel tomorrow or indeed next year but you are off to a cracking start

The other feelings/thoughts you describe are entirely normal and just the course of processing what's happened. KOKO (keep on keeping on) - A little MN mantra for you.

I think that over-thinking it is part of the process. Have you read any books about dealing with separation?