Family business - difficult position

[erin30]

Hi.

I started a business with a close family member 12 years ago. At the time we had nothing and both worked round the clock for little and eventually got things off the ground. Two years later another immedeiate family member joined us and we made a 3 way partnership

I left the business 3 year ago. I won't go on and make this post very long, but needless to say working in the business with partner number 1 (managing partner) was making me ill. He was very unfair and I felt taken advantage of. He was paying himself double, and giving silly reasons (like I was a Mum) and generally making me stressed out and felt bullied.

At the time I left there was my two partners and another family member had joined as a salaried employee. So I no longer work there, but still own a portion of the business and my family still run it.

However, I have never seen a penny from it.

The business makes a great profit (sales in the millions, increases every year) btu what they do is instead of showing a "profit", they just pay themselves more. So if the company makes a £100,000 profit they just all get a new car, a free holiday and a salary bump to share it between the three of them.

then I get told there's no "profit" to share.

I have let this go for a very long time, but I'm a single parent of a SN child and frequently my "family" members will offer to help me out, lend me money or pay a bill for me - but I can't help feeling like this makes me a charity case while each one of them has their rent, bills, holidays, cars paid for an an exhorbitant salary when what they should really be doing (if they genuinely wanted to help me) is pay themselves a normal market - rate salary, without all the extras and then fairly sharing profits out between the shareholders of the business.

To put this in perspective, the family member who joined last is an admin person and gets paid £70,000.

As you can see...this is a joke.

I feel miffed to say the least as I built the company from nothing, feel like I was bullied out (for exactly this reason as I felt business practices were dodgy and he didn't like being questioned and wanted me gone so he could do stuff like this) and like as a shareholder I should get something.

I think the way they all see it is that I left so it's nothing to do with me anymore.

WWYD?

I don't want to take them to court or fall out with my family over money. I do have my shares legally held but have no access to anything else.

Is there some clever way of going about this without falling out?

This is absolutely outrageous! I suggest you see a lawyer immediately to clarify your position.

Please do not accept the current situation any longer.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

I really want to sort it without doing that.

I was hoping there was some sort of way I could maybe be a little clever, or cunning or manipulative.

I went into it trusting "family" to be fair, and they never really have been.

I have no idea even in my mind if they are right or not.

If they still work there and I don't...don't they have every right to give bonuses and bump salaries every year? It's confusing as I am made to feel like I am being greedy.

I did bring it up once and I was told "you wanted to leave"

Nevermind, really, I was driven out. I really was.

Firstly I'd get legal advice. You might not want to take them to court, but you should be completely aware of your bargaining chips.

You may have no right to force a sale or take any dividends - and it sounds like them paying salary not banking profit is a perfectly legal situation, as long as they're managing the tax properly.

But as it's family, weigh up how strong they'd be in refusing you a direct demand. What happens if you rock up and say "actually, I'm a partner and I fancy working 2 days a week again, and I'll take 2/5th of £70K". It's be a hefty salary and your mental health may stand it if you know you've done it purely for the money and though it's less than X Family Member, it's more than nothing.

No a lawyer will clarify the ins and outs of it all for you. They won't communicate with your family at all unless you instruct them.

Ask for this to be posted to legal as you might get s lawyer on tonight.

You will need a laywer. These family members/whatever are greedy deceitful cunts, they're not going to just give you a share because you asked.

Find out your rights and options, go back in there and threaten court. They might agree to buy you out just to avoid the hassle. Personally I'd go for court though.

Money changes everything :(

I'd rather have my eyeballs pulled out through my arse than work there again!

I did say I would keep the OP short but haven't made clear how bad it was. We were great when we started out. Partner 1 did the website and the banking / finances. I did the groundwork of the design and putting everything together.

As soon as we got bigger it went to his head and he developed a cocaine problem. He went from a sweet, nerd type to being an arrogant idiot. All of a sudden he was buying boats and sports cars on the credit card, hiring girls with big boobs on huge salaries and if I confronted him he would fly into a rage.

He wanted me gone, because I was the only one there to question him so he attacked as hard as he could.

I was responsible for day to day running of the company, yet if I sent a memo to staff asking them to make a purchase order before buying something, he would then email them all saying I was killjoy and to delete my emails. He would then take them all out for beers and have them thinking he was so fun and wonderful. I was a young woman, and no one liked me being the boss anyway.

He completely underminded me, all I did was deal with the falout from his behavior while he was out drinking and the final nail in the coffin was when he called a board meeting to say that because I had a SN child and was leaving at 4pm instead of 5.30pm like everyone else, I was only a part timer and it would be fairest to everyone for me to take a 50% salary cut. By that point I was so beaten down I was at the doctors every week thinking I was dying. I was sick every single day. Nevermind that he never worked at all, and I would continue working late into the night at home for much less money.

I lost 2 stone, could not keep food down, did not sleep and develeped OCD. I was in therapy for two years.

I would never, ever go back.

However, it's the other two family members I care about and would not want to hurt of fallout with.

Hang on a minute.

So he's an addict and flagrantly battered you so hard you had no choice but to leave - or die.

It's completely an aside point that you'd be doing him a favour to get the heavies onto him but you'd be doing the others a favour as well - they're working under this crazed megalomaniac. But that's besides the point.

You owe it to yourself and you owe it to your boy to at least see lawyers to see where you stand. This situation is intolerable.

I'm so sorry this is so awful and you've been through such a harrowing time

They don't argue with him and let him do whatever he wants, so he doesn't attack them. The third partner does not say a word. In return they are paid handsomly.

No one but him has seen a bank statement or tax return for a decade.

Yes it was flagrant. They all know it. But all too scared to do anything about it. He was also very clever at making everyone feel like it was "his" company and he gave them a job out of the kindness of his heart. It's difficult to explain...he is very clever!!!!!

Who's going to want to lose a massively overpaid job?

He's created a sort of financial blackmail where he has everyone like a puppet.

Both of them think he is an arse in business, but he had made them feel they would be nothing without him. Maybe true...he is exceptionally good at business dealings and what not but exceptionally bad at running a business. He and I were a good team in that sense, but he did not want me there asking for bank statement and for him to explain where money had gone.

That said, if this makes sense, the two family members are very important to me and I love them and am happy to see them on big salaries - they worked hard too, have families and are both much older.

It's stuck between a rock and a hard place.

What kind of family is this anyway who would stand by and let you be treated like this - while they're rolling in the lolly you broke your back to provide?

Maybe they're cowed into submission by idi amin. But it's still no excuse to see you struggling so badly when you have a sn child and do nothing about it except year you like Cinderella.

I ask again, what kind of family is this! And why are you protecting them at your considerable expense?

Treat

He loves it...the whole family says where would they be without him. He manipulated it so that everyone forgot it was me also who built this company. I worked for three years without a salary. 18 hours a day. Answering the phones and emails until 2am with a newborn baby. I put everything into it and covered his butt through the cocaine and drinking and all the things he did. We nearly lost the business twice from is spending. I was the sensible one but he got all the glory. He's very superficially charming and people see him as a Richard Branson and me as a pencil pusher.

you know what I mean!!!

He is just so clever...it's hard to describe. He comes across as a lovable rogue.

X-post

Oh op

One of the family members (Partner 2) says to me all the time "you deverse x, y x) but she is way too scared and beaten down to say anything. I think she has been made to feel like she does not deserve her position- much like Iw as made to feel - although reality is he BEGGED her to leave her well paid ob to join us, and then spent the decade twisitng it so she felt like he'd done her a favour. Much like me, by the time you have put a decade into a family business - where do you go? Leaves an awfully big gap on your CV.

The other family member is blackmailed financially.

On the very same day he voted a "yes" on my paycut, family member 3 was given a convertible as a gift.

Yes, no lie.

It was THAT flagrant.

Don't throw yourself and your son under the bus just so aunty edna and uncle harry can carry on having a champagne lifestyle. You're asking for what's legally yours, you're not going to march into their house and take what's theirs.

Did they sacrifice themselves to protect you when you were being abused and illegally victimised at work?

So you are just going to take this?

Please find some inner strength. I feel so annoyed I your behalf!

Take a stand, go back to work, there are laws in place to protect you.

Surely he is acting illegally!!

He sounds like a narc op. Whether that's the drugs or not is a moot point.

You are not going to be liable if the business goes tits up are you? If he does something illegal will you get shafted?

BTW is partner 1 your cousin, or your brother?

Presuming OP is listed as a director at Companies House, Sleepy, yes she would be held jointly liable for any illegal dealings or bad debts.

I left a £55,000 a year job with great perks to start the company because I had a SN son and wnated to work my own hours.

I wroked my backside off for 9 years. Often going without a salary. Often working 80 or 90 hour weeks. Never having a holiday. Always doing the grunt work while he did whatever the heck he liked.

By the time that 9 years was done..."entrepreneur" on y CV means I can now only get jobs around £28,000 at the most, which makes it a struggle.

It was hard that it was my company, and yet he made me feel like I did not deserve to be there and made me fel guilty about having an SN child.

He shamed and humiliated me and really it was all about money.

He was fine when we had done, but as soon as there was a lot of it and he got on the cocaine he wanted it all. He wanted to be the big man about town, he wanted to go and spend £5000 on dinner on the company credit card buying Crtsyal and he did not want to answer to anyone.

He had to get rid of me.

He was since arrested (since I left) for the drugs and did a couple of weeks in prison in the end for not listening to what the judge told him he was and wasn't allowed to do - so he is off the drugs now, and seems calmer, more normal - but he still hasn't volunteered giving me my share.

All in all if we look objectively he probably owes me a few hundred thousand. It's a lot considering I have to scrimp to have the £25 for DS's lunch money!

What % of the shares do you own?

Yes, if something happens, I am legally liable for debts etc.

If no ones seen a tax return for a decade, the other two need to be very, very worried indeed.

You need to see a lawyer.

What do you want from this thread OP? You asked WWYD but every suggestion your objections boil down to "But I'm too scared to do that."

You have a son with special needs. You need to think of his future. If you're struggling to find £25 a month for food then I'm guessing you're not working at all now. Get your big girl pants on and get an appointment booked. Find a solicitor who'll take his/her fees out of your final settlement.

I know your family is dysfunctional and this bloke bullied the shit out of you, but you have to break the cycle and look out for you and your son.

I think what I really wanted to know, was is there some one for me to extract a profit share by some sort of mean that doesn't look like I am attacking.

So for example... "I was talking to my accountant today and he says I need the company profit and loss statements for my tax return"

I don't know..something clever like that I hadn't thought of.

I cant take legal action, I can't go to a lawyer, I can't "fight" him (tried for years and itdestroyed my soul) so I really want to play him at his own game.

Does that make sense?

This year they are set for a bumper profit, and I should be getting a chunk of that and wanted a way to maybe manipulate that into happenning.

I am not a manipulative person, or a devious person, but I am starting to feel like I have laid down and taken this for so long and that is really the only asset I have,

No house, no car even, no husband and it's a big asset to have and get nothing from.

I was also wondering when I die does it pass to DS? I would like to hope I have left him something and see no real way out of my financial situation.