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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed ref marriage

49 replies

JAC1976 · 17/09/2015 11:28

Ok so this is a really difficult topic to post. I feel like my head is going to explode! I am married to a wonderful man for 12 years and two children . Problem is there has always been a niggling feeling that I just don't "fancy" him. We have gone through the mill with two children with disabilities and done lots to our house which is wonderful but I am just not happy. Not sure if it s that time of life or marriage - the intimacy for me is just not there - I just find sex with him not something I want. I plucked up the courage to tell him and it cut him up understandably. We are trying to work through it but I just don't know what to do. We are the couple that everyone says are suited which we are but not sure if it's more just as friends - I want to hug him I love him care for him but no urges of sex with him. I am having counselling next week something I never thought I would do but it s tearing us apart. I wonder if I have just switched off from our marriage and worry I will regret it totally. Not to mention the heartache for our children if we were to split it would totally devastate them and my husband and family. One thing he said to me was he still fancies me and wouldn't have married me if he hadn't. The problem is I did not fancy him ( I didn't tell him that) I loved him as a person and I think now things are more evident this is the case. I feel truly in turmoil. I worry I think that things will be better with someone else and they won't. I am 38 years old and worry for our children what it would do to them they adore their dad.

OP posts:
Cherrybakewells1 · 13/10/2015 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plentyavino · 13/10/2015 18:32

I'm so glad I came across this post. I could have written it myself.......12 years with OH, married for 2, we have 2 DC (5 & 6). I've been with DH since I was 18 and apart from 1 awkward first sexual encounter, I've never been with anyone else. I also find myself being not attracted to DH Blush. I feel awful. I have tried talking to him - never been quite as honest - but have said that I'm not happy and feel that we're very distant. Truth is, I just don't find him sexually attractive. These feelings are also coinciding with me suddenly having an extremely high libido. I'm finding myself attracted to other men more and more. There's one particular man that I see most mornings on the way to work. I don't know him at all but there seems to be something there.......or maybe I'm just imagining it. I'm just so completely confused and don't want to give up our lovely family life for me to realise that I had everything I ever wanted. I just feel like I've missed out on the whole dating scene and if that was all I was feeling then I could live with that but it's not.

Our DC would be utterly heartbroken. We have a beautiful home which we would ultimately lose. And I don't know if DH would ever find anyone else that he could be so comfortable around. I'm not saying that I'm absolutely fantastic and he'll never find anyone like me......he's just very shy, quite antisocial unless it's with close friends and could never imagine him asking someone out (he asked me out after a few drinks and he was a young 23 at the time). I feel like if we were to separate and I ended up alone, I guess I could live with that because it would be my choice. But if he was to lose everything, his family life, his lovely home, his comfortable future.....and then end up alone on top of that. Well that would be my doing. And I don't think I could cope with that.

God I'm sorry OP for hijacking this thread. I do hope you are getting on ok and that the counselling is helping.

It's just such a difficult situation to be in ConfusedConfusedConfused

midlife2015 · 13/10/2015 18:53

Hello plentyof vino
I am still struggling sounds like your situation echoes mine - had one session of initial counselling but deep down think it s far too gone just cannot see wood thru the trees! I was chatting to girls at work and perhaps it s just what marriage is?! But I don't want to feel like this about my hubby. He is trying so hard and it s tearing me apart I cannot sleep afraid that I may make the wrong decision. Not to mention the damage it ll do to our home life and children. I understand ref seeing other men and wondering I do the same which is lose is not the right thing when married! This is a quick reasons to say I am here and totally understand what you are going through. Feeling guilty for not being happy with a great man husband et. It s hard! Will be in touch again typing quickly!!

plentyavino · 13/10/2015 21:50

Yip I've also been trying to tell myself that, actually this is what a semi-normal marriage is like. It's hard work and takes a lot of effort. But I do believe that it's quite natural to look at other men and wonder.......although I think that would only be all good and well if I was actually attracted to my own DH too.

I also get the worry about making the wrong decision but to be honest, I don't even think I'm nearly at that stage yet. I just don't feel that I have the right to turn DH's world upside down.

It's just hard some days as on the one hand I feel that thinking about breaking up our lovely home/family, all because I'm not sexually attracted to DH is quite selfish........but on the other hand, is this going to be it forever?? Lusting after other men out of sheer sexual frustration, always wondering if there was someone else out there.....

Sorry to hear that you are no further forward after the counselling. Are you planning on doing more sessions? I hope you don't mind me asking but, if you and DH were to separate, what would happen in terms of living arrangements? We have a beautiful home, in a lovely street with the most fantastic neighbours and this is another nagging factor in the back of my mind. If DH and I did split, I would hope that we could sort finances so that one of us could continue living here as DC love it....close to school and they have all their friends close by.

Yes please do keep in touch, it's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this (I couldn't speak to anyone about it as on the outside DH and I have a lovely marriage/family life ConfusedBlush)

midlife2015 · 14/10/2015 09:52

Hi cherrybakewells thank you for asking how it is going. I have had the initial counselling appointment where I cried lots !! I am waiting for further sessions then we may have couple counselling. I am just not sure it will help I know it sounds negative but I wonder if I will ever get those feelings of attraction towards my husband. What is mad is he is a nice looking man !!! But just doesn't make me feel like I want to have sex with him. I have read on here that a lot of other people are in similar situation but think there is no rights or wrong. We are talking lots and it is clear that if he split it would rip his heart out he still loves and fancies me (I love him but no attraction) what a mess!! It s very exhausting and we have enough going on in life with its trouble between us. Thank u

plentyavino please do keep in touch - pm me - it s nice to know someone else is feeling the same ( sorry for you though because it is a horrible feeling) . I feel like I am ungrateful or like I am going mad especially when my husband is a wonderful man and father. We have the lovely home we have worked hard for and live in an expensive beautiful area - if we were to split I just don't know what would happen to our home. That would also be heartbreaking for children and us. I am thinking it through and would either work more hours just to keep our home - God know where my dh would live cos we can only just afford this house with our wages. I would only want the best for my DH as I do care so much about him and ironically would want him to find someone else before I did! That may say it all. I would be gutted to have to move out of this house . We also have a dog so not sure if I am in reality thinking we can manage keeping him.

We had another talk last night emotions etc my hubby is trying really hard and think I am pushing him away. I am considering telling my mum but don't know if that is right she is a great support but don't know if maybe too much for her to know and worry about. Wouldn't it be great to have a crystal ball as I would hate to cause all the heartache of splitting then regret it later, however I cannot help but think I don't want to hang around much longer if this isn't going to work as I am 40 next year.

I am thinking about it day and night - can i ask you plentyavinodid you ever have the attraction to your husband? How long have you had theses feelings ? Also if you saw your hubby with another woman how would you feel? (Someone asked This earlier a very good question) I think I would not mind and just want him to be happy yet very sad for the fact it didn't work. Also I ask myself if we didn't have children would I split and I am pretty sure the answer if yes.

One question I ask myself - is it that I think the grass is greener (no I know it s not!) also this man at work has unsettled me - But deep down I know he is with someone and it is unlikely that anything will happen if I split. I believe my libido is increasing and the problem is my feeling towards my husband - he is my best friend but not lover . The question is can it be retrieved or grown!
Funny enough I was chatting generally to work girls yesterday (they do not know my situation) and they were both saying ref lack of passion/sex in their marriage they work have children etc so it made me feel like perhaps this is just marriage full stop!! But yet I want to want to have sex with my husband . Fast forward 15 years I just don't think it ll be any better. My husband thinks we just need quality time together etc and work on it but deep down I just think I never had these feelings so are they going to re appear or be created! I know starting any relationship it must fizzle to the norm so perhaps I shouldn't have such high expectations.
Sorry for rambling on please feel free to message me x

DrMorbius · 14/10/2015 10:32

Funny enough I was chatting generally to work girls yesterday (they do not know my situation) and they were both saying ref lack of passion/sex in their marriage they work have children etc so it made me feel like perhaps this is just marriage full stop

Deep down you know that is not the case, you are just trying to convince yourself of that to make things more palatable.

Do your DH a favour and be honest with him. Write him a letter containing what you have posted here (or show him your post). Tell him explicitly you just don't "fancy" him and never have. Tell him the intimacy is just not there - and you find sex with him not something you want

Of course it will be hard for both of you, but he has laboured under an illusion that his marriage was happy. He thinks things have changed, but probably thinks that there is a chance they will recover.

Stop this facade and let him make a decision based on the facts, rather than the illusion that has been created for him. Then at least you will both have honesty and who knows maybe even happiness.

midlife2015 · 14/10/2015 11:02

Thank you
deep down I know what my feelings are (but naturally want to be able to change it due to the destruction it will cause) I have been totally honest with him but he still feels we maybe able to work on it. He wants to fight for our marriage and He cannot cope with not being with me, seeing the kids every day etc. I tried to explain that he would still see them lots I know deep down he is petrified of losing our family life. I just wish I didn't feel like this or that he felt the same. He said he didn't know what I was expecting out of marriage so it does confuse me - making me feel like perhaps I expect too much. I could end up being with a bloke I fancy but is a total waste of space.
We are going away for a few days as a family then he is away a few days which I think will give us space we need (or I need)

DrMorbius · 14/10/2015 11:19

Fear of the unknown, fear of failure is natural.

I have been totally honest with him So he knows that you never wanted or want intimacy with him in the future?

Does he also know that you would have liked to have intimacy with a colleague, if the colleague would have recipricated? I also taken bit of a liking to a colleague but that is going nowhere as he is with someone.

midlife2015 · 14/10/2015 11:38

Fair enough ! He knows I struggle with attraction to him and not sure if I want sex with him. His response was that I just wanted his dick rather than him last time we dtd! Which I can t blame him for saying I was honest with him saying I worry I see him like a best friend rather than husband.
to be fair as my DH raised the point that I have only just disclosed my feelings 3-4 weeks ago so I have to at least give it some time and effort I owe the marriage and kids that. And yes I know I maybe kidding myself but spose at least I know I have tried my best.
I feel I cannot tell him about the colleague as I don't feel this is the cause of it all - I know it is gutless I just don't want it to look like I am about to have an affair this isn't the case. I jut think if I felt differently about my DH I wouldn't be even having theses feelings regarding my colleague.
Am I totally kidding myself ?!?

midlife2015 · 14/10/2015 11:40

Is it still possible to want to hug, cuddle my DH cos I love him so much yet am not attracted to him- how screwed up am I ?!

DrMorbius · 14/10/2015 11:55

Not screwed up at all. You sound like your DH is reall, a really good friend/brother. Both are not people you want sex with.

For both of your sakes you need to end the facade and move on. Much easier for me to write than for you to actuate.

midlife2015 · 14/10/2015 13:11

Yes I know
Thank you

Cherrybakewells1 · 14/10/2015 14:34

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 14/10/2015 16:10

This is a really difficult situation to be in.

And I guess it all boils down to what you want the most. If you could choose between the life that you have now or, a new life, in a smaller house but in a passionate marriage, what would you choose? And there is your answer.

I chose the latter. I just didn't fancy my ExH anymore. But in fairness he made it easier to leave, as he cheated (a lot). It pushed me to make a change.

I am now married to a man that I am extremely attracted to. We don't dtd as much as I'd like, due to very long working hours/odd shift patterns etc, but when we do it's amazing. Aside from that we are very romantic, kissing, holding hands and telling each other we love each other a few times a day. We still fancy each other a lot, 7 years on.

You deserve the whole package. We all do. But yes, if you leave, there's no guarantee that you'll find what you're looking for.

And it will be disruptive for the kids - lots of traipsing between houses - alternating Christmas - it's a strain and you will feel a lot of guilt. I still feel guilty and I think that will only end when the youngest has left (next year). At the moment she alternates between us and I hate that I've done that to her. I know that she finds all the bag packing a pain in the arse. But she has a stable base here and at least I married someone and didn't introduce her to a string of men. My ExH got a new Partner who stayed for 4 years, but he cheated on her, and now he's alone again. So, kids worry about him, meaning they'll probably want to be with him at Christmas. So, I lose out and I did nothing wrong. Aargh. I hope this gives you an idea of the downsides! You don't say how old your kids are. If they were almost adult, I'd be tempted to wait before you leave.

midlife2015 · 14/10/2015 16:37

Thank you I really appreciate people's responses and advice - I know it s my decision ultimately but good to hear from other people. My children are 9 and 7 - will totally be affected not not mention my DH. Yes I will try to be patient and will await the counselling. However I am exhausted at the moment of the constant thinking and it can drive you crazy. There is so much to consider if we were to split. I also know at the moment I am unhappy and snappy at the kids. Am hoping the couple Days away will give me the break from over thinking also when Dh away for few days it will give me the space .
I have to say iliveatthebeach you shouldn't feel guilty your exDH cheated so had a part to play. Glad you have found someone you are happy with

Thank you cherrybakewell I am going to give it some time my family at least deserve that.

plentyavino · 14/10/2015 17:51

Hi midlife, when I read your comments they sound like everything I am experiencing as well (apart from the counselling). It's just such a horrible feeling to have. I know that if we didn't have DC I would have separated from him by now. I spoke to one of my close friends/colleagues today and told her about my situation. I've never told anyone before as I'm embarrassed to admit that my marriage is on the rocks. She said 'you cant stay together just forthe kids'. And my response was 'can't you?'. Because at the end of the day I wouldn't just be shattering my DH's happy life, I would be turning my childrens' world upside down. They would be devastated. Deep down I just don't think I'm strong enough to go through with it.

I was attracted to him at first. He was a bit of a bad boy......I was 18 Blush and he made me laugh. Like really laugh, a lot. But I wouldnt say I was overly attracted to him sexually. Hes not your tall, dark,.handsome kind of man but he had other qualities that I loved. I really hope that does nit make me sound shallow. I just think that I have pethaps changed over the years and the other qualities that I loved, arent there anymore. We've never been great together in bed and looking at it now, I think we're just not compatible. Reaching orgasm is a rarity for me Blush I did talk to him about this a couple of months ago and he was so good about it. Saying we need to rekindle the romance and get back to being comfortable around each other again. The one time we were intimate since then, he was very much focused on making sure I was enjoying it (still didn't reach it Blush)

I've been feeling like this for quite a while. Probably about 2 years. I think if I seen him with someone else I would feel jealous. That sounds awful considering the feelings I am experiencing. But I guess it means that there are still some loving feelings there......

When I spoke to my friend today I told her I will be pushing these unsettled thoughts down as I just don't know how to deal with them. I realise that can't be healthy but I'm too scared to do anything about them...

Perhaps your family trip away will help you to determine if there can be a future for you together. At the very least, it may be good for you to get away from everyday surroundings and try to see things clearly.

Can I just thank the person who posted the link to the 'How we end up marrying the wrong people' article. It was very insightful.

devastatedcoconut605 · 14/10/2015 20:26

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midlife2015 · 15/10/2015 09:12

Thank you - I have days (like today) where I wake up it feels like a horrible dream, I cannot bear to split our family when it s all about my feelings ref sex towards my wonderful husband and I know it's not an easy work out there re dating at 40 years of age. Others days I just can't carry on when I know there is no passion etc. I will take time and read the articles mentioned

midlife2015 · 15/10/2015 10:34

plentyavino can I ask where to find the link you mention ref how we end up marrying the wrong people
Thank u

moopymoodle · 15/10/2015 10:51

Google- conscious transitions, sheryl Paul

midlife2015 · 15/10/2015 11:15

Thank you I will take a read

plentyavino · 15/10/2015 20:20

Devastatedcoconut605 - thank you very much for your wise words. I definitely owe my DH another chance, he really is a wonderfully kind husband and father.

Midlife - sorry it may have been from another thread in Relationships.......here is the link - hope it works

thephilosophersmail.com/relationships/how-we-end-up-marrying-the-wrong-people/

ILiveAtTheBeach · 15/10/2015 20:44

Regards the Orgasm side of things, I guess you have to ask yourself how important is it? In the grand scheme of things and life. I'm not sure I know the answer. But I do know that with ExH, they were very very hard to achieve, as the lust had gone. With my current DH, it takes minutes, as I just find him so attractive. ExH was 5 ft 7, size 7 feet, skinny and wimpish. DH is 6 ft 3, size 12 feet and built like a brick shit house. I feel very protected by him (no-one would take him on). I could never go back to short and skinny! I think there's someone animalistic going on. Grin

ILiveAtTheBeach · 15/10/2015 20:45
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