hello
My friend directed me over to this chat area as she mentioned everyone gives really good advice. So I hope you can help. Its something I have never encountered before and its a strange one which is making me feel uneasy.
I have been with my partner just over 4 months now, knew him from college and we were so close so ended up going out and our relationship is so sweet, affectionate and loving. We can talk about everything and anything when together which is what drew me to him in the first place. He is 10 years older than me which isn't a problem for me nor him. We are very open together and told me he loved me a few months back whilst getting very emotional and intense.
He has been married before, I havent and no children from either side of our relationships.
We are so intense together that when it comes to sex, I cant seem to relax around him. Nor do I feel I know what turns him on either, the reason I say this is because he admits neither of us has been honest about things which is true in this area. i.e. like what we like. He is very full on with me physically when we are out together and things like using toys I have brought into the conversation which he appeared to be going along with ok and even bought me alongside other things. Then we have this row and he says he is turned off by it, by things I have mentioned to do.... but in another instance he starts asking if i like doing other things which I would say are quite extreme and very full on.
He can take quite a while to cum on the first instance and he says as he is been use to giving its hard for him to receive so much so part of me feels like I am not turning him on, like I should and still not sure who or what he is or likes in bed as one minute he says he likes this or I thought he did and the other times when I ask he isn't sure on his answers. So its making me feel a little unsteady, yet still fancy him. I am feeling he is finding it hard to really be himself sexually with me, like if he really told me I may not like it perhaps but i wish he would....
I don't feel intimated by him in any way, or feel he is controlling me or dominating me but do not understand what makes him tick but yet he is all over me and really turned on when he always sees me, so I don't think its anything to worry about..... Maybe its me and he said he was sorry for being too full on with me, which resulted in me being quite reserved and prudish around him as in not wanting sex, within our lovely honeymoon 2 month period or at the beginning.
is it just me, that if someone is really full on physically be it in public or alone in the house, it can make you feel slightly uneasy and too much. He says he is sorry for this too and admitted he can be with me and cant help himself....he admits to being really into sex..then on the other instance tells me he is quite happy with once a week...so who is the real him?
So why is it, when it comes to sex it takes ages first of all and he says because I have a high sex drive, which is very true, he thinks I want it all night, which would be nice, but its more about quality than quantity I tell him, but he is now admitted that its not something he is really bothered about however that was quite the opposite at the beginning. He said he is use to once a week....with his last partner.....and we have had it pretty much every time twice when we see each other.....
He is coming over tonight because he says he wants to be honest about things with me and vice versa. The row made things a little difficult as we ended up pretty much slating one another, awful I know, he told me i don't do things correctly. I told him I am bored and don't get him sexually. So its not the best start.....my anger, his defence kicked in and I am frustrated too because I really fancy him but find him complex sexually.
But we love one another...so has anyone else encountered strange sex at the beginning, its a first for me, where I am constantly thinking is it me? what does he like? am I doing ok....I thought I was confident but feel I am feeling more unsexy and less desirable. He says all he wants is for me to feel desirable, sexy and wanted by him which he makes me feel outside the bedroom but in bed I feel prudish weirdly and inhibited. Not sure if i am explaining this very well but its on my mind alot.......any thoughts? Sorry you are probably reading this thinking...did that make sense lol!