9 days no contact with ex, when does it stop hurting

[OiledBegg]

My relationship of two years broke down on 6th September, he took all his stuff on the 8th back to his and haven't seen or heard from him since. I'm heartbroken. We are still friends on FB and I find myself checking when he's online even though that tells me nothing, I've lost all hope now I think. It was mainly him who ended the relationship, he's suffering depression and doesn't want any commitment right now. I was hoping that a few days away from me and he's realise what he's lost and want to talk. I'm still struggling to not call him myself. I miss him so much, thought my future would be with him and him only. I'm trying to make plans for other things and keep busy but feel like I've had an arm chopped off

Firstly: I know you don't want to, but you have to delete him / block him off fb. Trust me. And the other 100 people who will tell you the same thing. You'll only torture yourself

Secondly: you have to keep busy. Don't go to bed until you're falling asleep on the sofa. The minute you wake, get up. Otherwise you'll just lie there and wallow

Acknowledge that it will take time. Everyone will say "it'll fade in time". And you won't believe it. It took me personally almost 4 years. But, it happened, one day I remembered and it didn't hurt anymore

Cry if you need to. Go for jogs or some form of exercise (even if you're crying whilst you do it)

But please, block him on fb

Good luck op. You'll get there

Thanks Noisy - I am psyching myself up to delete him from my FB, I know I need to for my own wellbeing it feels like a final link between us, as pathetic as that sounds!

Not pathetic and I can't really preach as I stalked online kept in contact with my "1" for over a year before I finally managed to delete him.
But I can't stress enough how much you suddenly feel better when you can no longer check up on him every day

It will get better. You don't have to believe that right now, or next week, or next month. But one day, hopefully soon, you'll be ok again

(And then you can take great satisfaction in calling him every name under the sun )

my break up tips are exercise and alcohol. and there is research that suggests that paracetamol may dull emotional pain in the same way that it does physical pain - its actually the same part of the brain. give it a go?

exercise - endorphins are your friend. and plus it feels like something positive to do when you feel bad about yourself. nothing like a run to clear your head.

get some friends together and get drunk. it is critical however that you are removed from all forms of communications - no drunken texting/fb-ing or emailing.

it does hurt like hell but it will get better. good luck OP!

I agree with bumble, exercise is good ( I joined the gym ), alcohol in the evenings helps , also agree with deleting him off FB, if you don't it will drive you nuts looking at when he's online and looking at what he's been up too, you need to try and move on, it's hard and it takes a while but things will get better xxx

OiledBegg * you have some good advice her especially from noisy oyster.

It will get better, time is the healer i know that sounds hackneyed but it does help no end. Keep yourself occupied is excellent advice too, its helped me in the past in similar situations. Be realising that it weren't going to fly long term sometimes relationships do sometimes not its just the way it is.

Look to the next one if i were you, it will happen one day!.

Big hug for you in the meantime:-)

don't just delete him - block him. Stop looking and torturing yourself. No good will come of that.

Exercise, work, call on friends, keep busy. You need to go cold turkey with him and fill your life with lots of other stuff. And keep eating.

When I blocked an ex, it felt amazing. I felt free and I didn't have that anxious checking your phone all the time feeling. It really helped me get the headspace I needed.

Hi Oiled, my relationship ended in June & we were no contact for 2 months. God it was awful. All the time I just wanted him to come after me, tell me he was twat & how could he let me go etc. of course, he didn't. I spent the whole summer break pining & thinking about him all the time. Everything reminded me of him. When I saw him (by accident) again it made me so upset. He came to collect the last of his stuff last week & I was devastated. He also is suffering from MH/depression issues & claimed he didn't want to bring me down. But all I keep thinking is 'why would you want to be on your own when you feel like that?'. To answer your question it does get easier, but 14 weeks on it still hurts. I'm hoping to start 2016 with it not hurting so much!

Shouldknowbetter that's exactly what my ex was like - saying he's bringing me down and I deserve better and he'll only let me down. It made no sense really but I've stopped going over the reasoning now and just letting it be.
I've not had a drink since before the spot as I'm worried that once the initial buzz/relaxed feeling wears off I will be more depressed and maybe more likely for my resolve to slip and "accidentally" call him or something.

Hey maybe it's something blokes like that say to absolve themselves of any responsibility??!! It's shit isn't it? God, I wish I'd never got involved with him... The other thing that worries me going forward is: how would I know if a bloke is like that again? I honestly don't think I could go through all this crap again!

I've been where you are.. It's tough but I promise things will get easier. If you find things to do to fill your time it will stop your mind constantly wandering to thoughts of him. Clean the house, get out with your mates, go shopping, de-clutter your wardrobe, offer your advice on Mumsnet... anything just do something.
Please take the advice to delete any contact details you have for him.
In the first few days of the "The Dementor" leaving me and my boys, I was an emotional wreck. I demeaned myself and sent numerous emails & texts saying how sorry I was!!! and for us to try again (I feel such an idiot even now). He just didn't give a sh!t.

Time is the greatest healer. A year on I am 100% over my ex and its crazy to think that I once loved him and how upset I was when we split.

It sounds like you don't have children, which is great as it means you don't have keep seeing him. That was the hardest bit for me as it kept bringing back memories, resentment of his new life so like I said, just give yourself time.

Shouldknowbetter2015 * you just have to try again and its part of life.

"maybe it's something blokes like that say to absolve themselves of any responsibility" well there is another thread hereon and in that one its a girl giving a decent sounding bloke the run around. Theres no guarantee that the next one will be any different or he may well be an absolute dream. Its hard, but please giver yourself a time to get over it. And as Rebecca says be thankful that no children are involved too!.

I have heard that the general rule of thumb is it takes half the length of time of the duration of the relationship to get over a break up. I would say that's been the case for me. Obviously, everyone is different, and it doesn't mean you'll be completely over it... Echos of pain may persist for many years. And the acute pain you're in now won't last a year, either. But feeling at least ready for a new relationship generally OK... That should be within a year.

And I agree with everyone saying delete or block on Facebook. You'll start healing when you decide to let go. And you risk a lot of heartache if you're still there to see posts about the new romantic interest in his life.

Thanks everyone. I got upset again last night after a couple of days of no tears, hoping it's just a blip as I've got a cold and generally knackered so felt low anyway.
No kids together, I have a son who is 10 and going to be at his dads all weekend but I've got things planned so hopefully my mind won't drift too much and also am going to have him removed from my FB by the end of the weekend at the latest