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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do..

15 replies

LoveLetters · 17/09/2015 07:54

This has been going on for weeks now. I'm 6 months preg and as you can imagine, sleep is sacred. My son wakes once a night but goes back quite well. However, my husband keeps falling asleep on the sofa then coming to bed at 4/5am and waking me up. I am then awake til kids get up. If I try and catch up on sleep in the day it makes me feel sick. I am exhausted. We had this talk last week and things got better but once again last night he came to bed at 5am. I've been awake ever since. I lost it this morning spectacularly. Could not control my temper as he kept saying but you went to bed at 10 and sleep in the day even though I keep explaining that I'm pregnant and tired. Cos works late in even cooking his dinner at 9:30pm. What should I do? I'm actually distraught he is so inconsiderate.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveLetters · 17/09/2015 08:25

Anyone?

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 17/09/2015 08:26

Well, you can stop cooking him dinner at 9.30 for a start! Maybe, if he refuses to put effort into coming to bed at a reasonable time, so you know you'll be woken at 0400, your bedtime needs to be 8.30 - 9pm so you are no longer available for evening services. Explain that to him, sorry & all that - if he doesn't like it, the solution is, after all, in his own hands.

RedMapleLeaf · 17/09/2015 08:27

I'm sorry nobody has replied yet. I really don't know what to advise, but I hear you and you are not alone and you are not crazy to think that this is very wrong.

Walkacrossthesand · 17/09/2015 08:28

By the way, what time does he get up?

LineyReborn · 17/09/2015 08:34

He needs to stay on the sofa till you get up.

friendofsadgirl · 17/09/2015 08:34

How about saying that if he isn't up in bed by ??time, could he please just stay downstairs and sleep on the sofa?

hellsbellsmelons · 17/09/2015 08:37

I agree he needs to stay on the sofa until you get up.
Put a cover and pillow downstairs so when he wakes up he can cover himself over and sleep on the sofa.
You may well go to bed at 10 but if he is waking you at 4am then you are only getting 6 hours and with your other DC waking up in the night more like 5 hours sleep.
Of course you need to catch up in the day.
I also agree no more dinners at 9:30.
You get to bed by 9 and he can sort himself out and sleep on the couch.

Robotgirl · 17/09/2015 08:37

Hi love letters
My exP is a musician and sometimes used to get home at 3/4am both when I was pregnant & when my daughter was a baby. It drove me nuts! I could never get back to sleep as I was so angry, and then I'd either lie awake (pregnant & hormonal) or after she was born, wait for my daughter to wake up an hour or so later. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture! You have a child and are pregnant.
You need to talk to him about this (when you are feeling calm) and tell him that it's not only impacting on you, but also your child and unborn baby as it's stressing you out, making you even more tired and ultimately, he doesn't need to be doing this. Hope he starts coming to bed at a normal time & that you catch up on your sleep soon Wink

Robotgirl · 17/09/2015 08:41

Or, yeah, just ask him to sleep on the sofa til he's supposed to get up. Good luck - I feel your pain, OP.

Redredwinegoestomyhead · 17/09/2015 08:44

Hello Loveletters, I understand that if your husband finishes work late then he needs time to unwind...however not by falling asleep on the settee and then disturbing you! You must feel very tired and I'm sure the last thing you feel like doing is cooking at 9.30. Could you not save the family tea and leave it for him to microwave? When I was pregnant I went to bed at 8.30pm as I was shattered. This is a time when your needs are paramount and I do what suits you. No one can understand the tiredness associated with pregnancy until they've experienced it. I was either asleep or retching down the toilet. Flowers for you OP

RedMapleLeaf · 17/09/2015 09:28

He is already sleeping on the sofa. He is still choosing to disturb her for the sake of an hour or two in the bed.

Original poster
LoveLetters · 17/09/2015 09:33

I lost it again this morning. He has agreed that if he isn't in bed by 1pm he won't come up. I am totally wound up by it I am finding it hard to calm down. Sat in Tesco car park trying not to cry. I'm so angry at myself for loosing it. I was swearing at him and all sorts.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 17/09/2015 10:00

Have a good cry. It will help to ease the anger.
If he has agreed to stay downstairs past a certain time then does that work for you?
If so, cry and lose the anger and no doubt things will improve for you.
Your hormones are all over the place at the moment.
You are allowed to get angry, but you need to be able to calm down afterwards as well.
See how it goes over the weekend with him staying on the sofa and you may feel so much better for a good nights sleep.

Robotgirl · 17/09/2015 10:37

Hope you get some sleep over the next few nights. If the new plan doesn't work, change strategy! By the way, is this a new thing? Has he recently changed jobs or something? Did he used to go to bed at a normal time & not fall asleep on the sofa?

Drew64 · 17/09/2015 11:48

Like the others have said, he sleeps downstairs therefore giving you the rest you need to start your day.
It's no wonder you kicked off this morning, you must have been tired and irritable.
The fix is simple though, he sleeps downstairs

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