Pants on fire liar wwyd

[Bettyblue45]

Dh and I have been married 10 yrs and had ups and downs but nothing big.

He went out last Thursday with an ex female work colleague and her boyfriend. last Thursday night. Came back and told me all about their connversation - all three of them. However last night I found out that her boyfriend wasn't there and it was just her. Asked him why he was lying and and who he'd met last thurs and he lied again saying he'd met both of them. Finally realised the game was up and told me yes it was just her but he lied bcos I'm so paranoid about her.

When they worked together there was a long history in emails - nothing sexy - lots of chat, coffees, in jokes and xxx's. Btw I don't get the number of chat emails that pass through their in boxes. He now deletes all her emails after I fumed about them.

Don't know what to do he says there is nothing going on but he lied to me about meeting and I completely believed him so how do I trust him. Oh yes I did get a 'sorry' with the 'but I had to do it cos your paranoid'. Feel let down, ashamed ( as people think we have a good relationship so finding it hard to talk to others) and sad.

he might have gone training on other occasions, but I would not take his word for it that he has gone training tonight

If you'd followed him from the house you would have found he texted her within minutes.

You can't trust him. He's looked you in the face and lied to you. That just isn't what you want in a husband. You have to be able to trust him, to know he has your back.

Love - I'm sure he does love you

Honour - nope

Cherish - nope

What's the back story? How did you see the emails? Would you say you are paranoid about this woman or is he just making it up to suit his story.

I say this as I had a male friend who I knew well before my previous partner came along and he was obsessed I was up to something with this man when I wasn't. I just liked him as a friend and we met up from time to time to catch up and stuff. He gave me the drop him or I'm off ultimatum. I wasn't prepared to do this so he left! Its not always an affair.

Happytuesdays99 - checked his phone. He knows I do this. I'm not happy that he has such a close relationship but I would never ask him to not see her as that's unfair. I have a moan and snide remark (I know can't help myself!) when he sees her but not yelling like a crazy lady. It's the lie that makes me see red at the mo!

I was in a similar position to you Happy, but you and I did the grown up thing and be truthful and if the partner didn't like it, they could leave. The OPs husband blatantly lied to her face, and then tried to make her look irrational and stupid afterwards. Even if he's not sleeping with anyone else, that's so disrespectful. So how she found out is by the by. Expecting your partner to not lie and not make a fool of you is not asking too much.

So, he will do anything to fix it, bye bye I am off to training... So he gave how many hours, as long as it really didn't cut into his life one second.

What an insult to you.

I suggest you consider a trip to an STI clinic sorry.

There is not a chance in hell that bloke would have gone "training" as usual, leaving me looking for support from strangers

You are being made a mug of, op

I'd contact the woman's husband/partner and compare diaries, tbh.

My advice is simple, because you can't MAKE somebody love you and care about your feelings. Tell him straight. ' if you want to be with her, then be with her. Don't fuck around making up stories. ' then you also have to tell him 'if you want to be with me, then knock it on the head with this woman or I am off (give date). ' tell him to be a grown up and make him understand you are not to be fucked with.

I predict that when he gets back he will suddenly change his mind about contacting her in front of you.

They will have had time to get their stories straight and use it as 'proof' that you are paranoid. Then it's back to his usual tricks...

Can you hire a detective? if you want a complete proof of his actions before you decide what to do/where to go from here...

Crazy idea

maybe, just thought OP seems uncertain of trusting him at all now...

She doesn't need to trust him, he's already proved himself to be untrustworthy. She needs to trust her instinct.

that's true!

You don't always need to trust your instinct. It's not always right. My ex instinct was I was having an affair when I wasnt.

Checking phones is a bit obsessive to be honest.

However, you need to talk as its clearly having an effect on you.

I agree instinct alone isn't useful, but instinct coupled with someone lying to your face, you can conclude a sacking offence.

Playing detective will only make you feel and look mad and irrational.

I would contact the other dh and ask if she is in tonight? That will tell you a lot. I would also make thr other h aware that your dh configured a huge lie as to him bring there and ask him why would he fo that do you think? It raises a lot of questions

Fuck this shit.

I'd dump his belongings in her front garden .