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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Let's hear it for the good guys out there

46 replies

Mrskeats · 16/09/2015 11:29

There are so many threads on here about men that treat women terribly so I wanted to share my story.
I was previously in an EA relationship for 18 months which ended horribly. I have also been divorced and ended a four year relationship after that.
However my new man has completely altered my view of men. He is amazing; kind, thoughtful, intelligent, emotionally open and the last fee months have been incredible. Let's share our stories of the great men out there as they are around if somewhat hard to find

OP posts:

Wombatinabathhat · 16/09/2015 18:43

My exh was very abusive in every way. I finally left him and vowed never to remarry, however, 2 years later I met my DH. He is a wonderful man in every way. He has been a fantastic SD to my son.
I moved in with him less than 2 months after I first met him and we married 4 years later. 25 years on I love him more than ever, as does my DS.

I hope your experience is as good OP
Good luck

Original poster

Mrskeats · 16/09/2015 18:47

That's a lovely story wombat. Goes to show when you know you know :))

OP posts:

Wombatinabathhat · 16/09/2015 18:56

Thank you. I don't mean to gloat and I realise it's not that way for everyone but as you say, sometimes it just feels right.

LadyLu87 · 16/09/2015 19:09

Please stop trying to police my thoughts / the thread. You don't get to make assumptions and each person has said were pleased but be cautious. Nothing wrong in saying that. "Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups". What a strangely presumptious and passive aggressive stance you have! You dont get to tell me I am negative- how amusing! I'm out anyway. I see only one person bringing attention to negativity here. G'night :)

ICyou · 16/09/2015 20:47

I'm married to a lovely man, kind, generous, very involved as a dad. We're a team through thick and thin. We've had some hard times and stressful times in our lives but 11 years on we're doing grand.

MrsWOLF1 · 16/09/2015 22:06

Met my Dh when I was 15 he was 24 married at 16 .6 boys ranging from 35 to 15 . Obviously we have had our ups and downs but talking / Sharing / supporting each other has meant we are growing old together . And he still makes me giggle

TopOfTheCliff · 16/09/2015 22:51

MrsWOLF1 Do you mean you had 6 sons by the time you were 36?? eek!

donajimena · 16/09/2015 22:58

I feel sad that posters have rained on your well intentioned post but I completely understand why.
You only need to scroll through a few threads to see that people can be in partnerships for years and be surprised at their behaviour 30+ years down the line...
But who can see the future?

You have to have faith in relationships and if you put in 10O % and are respectful thats all you can do...
I'm happy at the moment in a fairly new relationship with a seemingly normal guy.
Its amazing. But I am keeping my finances separate. I am keeping up my hobbies. I'm putting my children first.
I won't breathe out until my final breath.
I'm glad you are happy OP and I believe there are loads of good men out there. Im hoping I have one too. But you cannot guarantee anything!

croon979 · 16/09/2015 23:00

I dated twat after twat for years, then I met my husband who is kind, generous, smart. Gorgeous, funny and frankly everything I ever could want. There are unfortunately a lot of twats out there but there are a lot of good guys too.

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 16/09/2015 23:11

I met a bloke on holiday... came home and dumped my boyfriend for him.
27 years later.. still married to a kind, loving, GOOD man, a great dad who would move heaven and earth for his kids, and they know it.
We have been through tough times.. illness, job worries, child worries, and at every step he has been by my side. Does his share of all the boring home tasks (and does the weekly shop as I hate doing it!). He has his hobbies, I have mine and we give each other space to do them.. we are individuals but a family team . I think I was very lucky!

And he's still gorgeous :D

TiredOfPeople · 17/09/2015 07:05

My now husband and I moved in together after 2 months, we were inseperable. Long and short, we THEN came to know each other, wasn't easy, took some doing, his mother got in between us, blah blah hell for a few years stuff happened but now we've both changed as people and he's the best I can imagine being able to have. People change - true love is being able to change with them, grow together through the bills, the debt, the bad times, the poor economy etc etc.

CheerfulYank · 17/09/2015 07:20

My DH is a good man. :) He's funny and works hard, always listens to me, completely equal parent etc. He's also very tall. I like that in a man :o He's very gentle and serious. Shy and always thinking. I went home from our first date and told my best friend I was going to marry him. A dozen years and a house and three children later, I'm so glad I did.

My dad is also lovely. He and my mother are 56 now and have been together for 40 years. He became a dad at 18 and always did the best he could for all of us. He worked more than one job for years; I remember him being exhausted beyond reason one Saturday when I was very small, and still rolling out of bed to take us to the park for ice cream. It's funny to look back on it now and realize he couldn't have been more than 24. I thought he was so old and wise and knew everything. :)

My first real boyfriend was a great guy. Unfailingly sweet and loyal. Used to draw pictures of the presents he'd get me "someday". :) Joined the Peace Corps after we broke up. We keep in touch over FB. I think we truly loved each other but were too young.

TheDowagerCuntess · 17/09/2015 09:11

My Dad was the first good guy I ever knew. I remember my DB and me asking him once who his best friend was, and him saying DM. It seemed a weird concept to us as youngsters, but of course makes perfect sense to me now. :)

He was my blueprint (he passed away last month), and I feel very fortunate to have had only lovely partners, culminating in DH.

MrsWOLF1 · 17/09/2015 09:49

Topofthecliff YEP 6 boys last won born when I was 36 !!

wideboy26 · 17/09/2015 10:10

Blimey - and I thought we were rather special with 4 sons. We're comparative lightweights! (But oh the joy!)

Original poster

Mrskeats · 17/09/2015 10:27

Some lovely stories here. Nice to know there are in fact lots of good guys out there. :))

OP posts:

HyacinthBouquetNo1 · 17/09/2015 10:59

I have been married for over 25 years, together since I was a teenager. He would do anything for me and the kids, he is someone I can totally rely on, he would never hurt me and I don't know what I would do without him. We have had bad times in the past, (debt, illness, etc) , but he always makes me laugh and feel secure.

Drew64 · 17/09/2015 11:28

Firstly I must apologise to Mrskeats for this retaliation

LadyLu87

You've said you were out so it's such a shame you won't be able to see my reply to you.
I've made NO assumptions, just stating facts.

"What a strangely presumptious and passive aggressive stance you have! You dont get to tell me I am negative"

Well thank you for the insult, It's no wonder that if you think this of men that you would post your negative comments. Can I suggest with such a negative attitude you refrain from posting on the relationships board. Negativity does not help posters who are looking for support.

Oh, and I get to tell you what I bloody well like. How dare you try to silence what has proven to be my justified comments.

Do one, jog on, nothing to see here

Deetrix · 17/09/2015 18:01

I spent 7 years with an EA ex, we have two children together and had been highschool sweethearts.

Whilst we were in highschool, a boy in some of my classes also liked me. But (to my immature eyes) he was geeky and overweight and although I was nice to him - had no interest otherwise.

Two years after my ex and I had split, I joined the company where that boy in highschool worked. We met up and he was gorgeous! He had lost the weight and albeit still geeky ( ), utterly charming and confident.

That was 2.5 years ago and i consider myself very fortunate that this man gave me another shot at a date. We've been deeply in love ever since :)

He is amazing with my children and they adore him. My family all really like him and even my ex does. He is so kind, thoughtful and generous. He is my best friend and I tell him everything. I honestly did not know men like this existed. He makes me happy every day :)

Deetrix · 17/09/2015 18:14

Oh that sounds like I'm terribly shallow about weight! I'm not at all, I was just a shallow teenager. He lost it naturally without trying (puppy fat?) And regardless I would love him no matter his size :)

GrammarTool · 21/09/2015 07:54

My STBXH is one of the good guys. Of course he is human so not 'wonderful in every way' (or we weren't wonderful for each other in every way, hence the separation), but he is emotionally available, supportive, a highly involved father (always got up to the dc in the night more than I ever did, despite always working full time), does housework, emotionally grounded... and so on. I trusted him 100% when we were together, and still do.

He now has our DC 50% of the time - there was never any question of it being otherwise. I am so glad that our daughters have had such a wonderful male role model, hopefully meaning that they will have high standards when they choose partners in the future.

I'm really thankful that I've been able to leave the relationship without any cynicism about men at all.

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