Friendship paranoia and anxiety

[Lj8893]

Since being a child, I have struggled with friendships due to bullying by friends in primary school and then being the victim of a Wendy (who was also my cousin) in secondary school.

Since then, I have always had friends but struggled to make close, long lasting friendships. I do have a couple of close friends but don't see them very often due to location and busy life's etc.

Currently I am going through some bad paranoia that my other friends and acquaintances don't like me. I had a thread a while back regarding a "friend" who didn't come to my wedding and didn't contact me either, and has since removed me on Facebook (I know I know!) and I think that hasn't helped. Now every time I see other groups of my friends chatting on Facebook I'm paranoid that I'm being left out which I know is ridiculous and sounds really pathetic and immature! I'm a 27 yr old mother ffs!

I don't know what's wrong with me really, I'm starting to think that I'm just unlikeable. Maybe I'm annoying, or boring, or not very nice?

Yes my parents spent years saying the same to me (if only it were so easy!) They've given up now - I'm clearly a lost cause! I'm having to let my kids learn for themselves and I try and listen and can't advise much else as I don't want them to feel like me. But at the same time I'm desperate for them to make strong connections with their friends! How does that happen though? My daughter told me the other day that I don't have many friends and she looked a bit sad for me!!

I think I found it a lot easier making friends before dd. obviously it made things easier to socialise.

Maybe it is me too though, I think I am pretty unsociable, I tried baby group and hated it, but I think a lot of that is down to being hurt and disapointed in the past. Sometimes I think my expectations of friendships are too high.

Hows everyone's relationships with family members - healthy or unhealthy. Thinking that maybe the problems stem from there?

My family relationships are healthy. Very close to my mum, close to my dad (have had my ups and downs with him but my friendship problems started before that), very close to my brother.

Sometimes I think my expectations of friendships are too high.

Me too. needy

Nc with my family. Yep growing up in my family didn't help.

I think mine stems from when my cousin (same age) moved to my area when we started secondary school. I made every effort to make her feel comfortable, bringing her into my friendship group and she Wendy'd me out. Not on purpose, we were 11, but she "stole" my best friend. It hurt a lot. And then since we had started secondary school, I didn't know anyone else so had to be a loner till I made new friends.

Expectations too high. Me too. And I'm probably throwing off some sort of 'let's be best friends like Monika and Rachel' vibe that is scaring people off.
My family relationships are complicated. They blow hot and cold. I never feel stable there either, so yes I'd say that might have something to do with it!
Lj that sounds difficult. Are you good friends with your cousin now? Do you feel like you've buried that particular hatchet with her?

Yes I think so, although obviously I'm still reminded of it every now and again and it still hurts a little. My mum hasent ever got over it, she's still so angry!

Me and my cousin don't live in each other's pockets but when we see each other we are close.

Oh dear, sorry that happened. I must admit that it's happened to me so many times I don't feel angry at the other person at all, I just instantly feel like it's a personal failing of my own. I think I'm just a friend repellent!!