Partner looking up local escorts

[Firstimemummy15]

So my lg is 7.5 months old. Since she was born things have not been the same between me and my partner (I initially thought it was just adjusting to having our beautiful daughter). However he seems secretive and has put passcodes on his phone and iPod. I know the iPod code but not phone. Anyone something didn't feel right and I should have but I checked his iPod and he has been looking up local escorts. I don't know whether to confront him or not, I don't even know what I feel for him anymore. I try so hard to do meals for us, or suggest watching a movie that sort of thing but we do the same thing every evening and are in bed by 9pm most nights. Anyway I'm too embarrassed to talk to family and friends so thought I would vent on here! Thanks for listening

If it was me I'd sit him down and have a talk to see whats going on. His behavior does seem a little odd but there could be an explanation for his behavior. Perhaps upcoming stag do/birthday party etc for a friend colleague at work?

Hope it works out for you, let us know how you get on xx

Do you really, REALLY think that, mikeysmum? If your husband was looking up local escorts would you think he was doing it for someone else?

mikeysmum sorry, but that's a terrible bit of advice to give someone who has just discovered her H is the worst kind of toerag. If you had evidence that your H was using escorts and he said it was just for a stag do would you really swallow that?

Sorry OP that you're going through this, but your H is a creep who appears to have checked out of your marriage. Regardless of what he says when you confront him, can you really see a way back to intimacy with someone who uses prostitutes and hides it from you?

What are your circumstances? Is there anywhere you could go in the short term for a bit of space?

New Sorry to hear you are going through this. He is behaving in the worst possible way towards you at the worst possible time for you. Please don't continue to think if you are nice to him and cook for him etc., he will turn into the person you want and need him to be, he won't. That person does not exist. He tried to keep up the pretence but has fallen at the first hurdle. Make future plans that include you and your beautiful girl only. What a pillock!

As soon as the passcodes go on, you know there's something to hide, sorry.

I would probably shoulder surf for a couple of days until you can work out his phone lock code, then have a look before confronting him.

Can't believe the advice above, there could be an explanation, oh yes there is, he's gone behind his partner's back whilst she puts all the effort into the relationship, I wouldn't call that odd, I'd call that nasty.

OP, stop making so much effort, especially when he is looking to cheat on you.

If it was me I'd sit him down and have a talk to see whats going on

And he'd tell you the truth, the whole trith and nothing but the truth, right? Right ho.

jesus! sorry everyone! lets just run him out of town with pitchforks and fire! yes hes probably up to something but your not going to know for certain unless you sit him down and ask him! was just trying to be helpful! welcoming nice lot aren't you?

The thing is Mikeymum27 is that he will lie. The OP will not get the truth by sitting down and having a talk with him.

The stag do is the kind of far fetched shite he may come out with. Men go to lap dancing clubs on a stag do sometimes (and I'm not defending that!) but they don't book prostitutes for it!

Say that was the god's honest truth "I was looking up a prostitute for a friend who is about TO GET MARRIED". Well. That's reason enough not to be with a man, tbh.

There's just no point in you encouraging her to minimise it, because he'll do quite enough of that.

What does the OP know?

1. Their relationship has been bad
2. He's become secretive with his phone
3. He has looked up prostitutes

I think the OP should ask him to leave, and if she wants to discuss it at all, do it during counselling sessions.

Because all she's going to hear from him is "I was just looking". And decent men don't just look.

Many usual declaration of bias: XH was a habitual prostitute user "I only looked" and is currently doing the same to his new girlfriend too.

It's depressing common. And not in any way acceptable.

I'm sorry OP. Tell him you know, and be prepared for the script of lies

Mikeymum it's would never be acceptable to me for my husband to look up prostitutes when going through a bad patch. M
You can be as cool as you want to be but I'd be fucking hurt and very insecure. No man is worth putting up with knowing they are window shopping.

No let's not make out we are in a film chasing a witch, let's just be honest and give the truth.

Is your advice the advice you would give to your daughter Mikey, really?

well how will she know unless she just comes out and asks him? Sorry I can't see any other way than sitting down and explaining you know he's been up to something and whats going on?

I don't understand why I've been vilified so much here, was just trying to be helpful..I really hope OP gets to the bottom of it and finishes with him. I completely agree its not acceptable behavior but hows OP going to know unless she asks? I admit maybe he's not going to sing like a canary but gotta start somewhere right? How do any of you lot know how he'll re-act?

Seems you lot have completely misunderstood what I was trying to get across. As for the stag do thing I think some people are quite naive about what goes on..just saying..

I shall await further criticism with baited breath....

Thank you everyone. I have confronted him and of course he has no idea how he has that history on his iPod. I honestly don't know when he would have been able to pursue this if he has as he works 3 x 13 hour days and his mate gives him a lift and he doesn't go out apart from work and the occasional (maybe 1 every couple of months drink in town). I'm so confused and don't want to make excuses for him but I don't want him to think that this is acceptable and I certainly don't want it affecting my daughter

he works 3 x 13 hour days

Presumably he gets a lunch break, though?

Sorry he's lied. Shame you didn't manage to get to his phone. He will delete his history from now on so don't take absence of further evidence as proof of fidelity :(

Ah, you poor love. That's the first and obvious lie - the pathetic "well I don't know how it got there". Pretty common, from my experience and what I've read on here.
Tell you what I've never seen or heard on here - someone posting "hey, my phone has a search for local escorts and it wasn't me and no-one uses my phone - how did that happen?!"
Because it doesn't just inexplicably happen. Phones and iPods and iPads and laptops show prostitute searches because: their owner searched for a prostitute.
If you keep on at him, he may stonewall and say he doesn't know.
But the next excuses are usually "I looked because I was curious, I'd never do it" or "a big boy told me to look" or "I think my mate borrowed it and looked" or "my mate looked to play a joke on me/us".

Thing is, Mikeysmummy says we don't know how he would react. But - thread after thread on here shows very common themes. And a pathetic denial is so common.

I feel for you. My XH denied. Just a stonewalling "I know it looks bad, I'm sorry, I'm the unluckiest man alive because I've done nothing wrong yet that's randomly on there". Unless you've been there, I think it's really hard to understand just how hard it is to go anywhere against that. You don't want it to be true. You think you have no evidence. And by denying, they force you to take a potentially uncomfortable assertive stance of calling them an outright liar.

Good luck, OP. I know you have a hard journey ahead of you!

You think he's at work, you don't know that he is for sure. Sadly I'd bet that he isn't where you think he is.

Cheaters will ALWAYS find a way

Presumably, if he works 3 x 13 hour days, he has 4 days off?
Plenty time there to get up to mischief.

Whilst I agree with all the posters who say this is bad - especially given the 'I don't know how it got there' drivel.......my phone and iPad both have passcodes (standard good security) and my history would no doubt include both weird stuff I've looked up because of mumsnet and also the local punternet people because I'm desperately nosey and wanted to see if I knew any of them! Clearly I MUST be seeing hookers!

Sadly his response rather shows something is up though cos that's such a shit attempted excuse

It sounds like always doing the same thing staying in 9pm bed etc would allow him to save up a lot of money to spend on escourts ...him not taking you out/on holidays etc could e starting to add up unless you know exactly where his outgoings are going I would definitely expect the worst and then take a trip to a local std/gum clinic which could leave you with even more evidence of what he could potentially be getting up to.He could have unsavoury friends who are lads borrowing his phone but unless his friends are very much those types its unlikely and even then it could be a lads group kind of thing.In the mean-time focus on yourself..your health and well-being etc

Well mikeysmum, the op did sit him diwn and ask him. And the response was boringly predictable.

What's your next piece of advice?

op I would end it over this. There's only one reason for looking. I have a pretty definite zero tolerance for this kind of thing though.

And even if he were looking for friends or it was a friend using his phone or someone doing it for a laigh to get him in trouble with his missis... (because these also get trotted out as possible explanations in these situations)

I always tend to feel that you can judge a man by the company he keeps and I'd end it anyway!

Hello ,
I dont know are you still here ,this was long time ago .
I hace same situacion now ,would love if you could help me and told me does your gut had right ❤