Do you know any narcisists who are, but don't want to be?

[PosyTivity]

I think I do. Someone disruptive and disturbing, but I don't think she wants to be.

Any others?

I don't think narcs would consider themselves as narcs.

Not enough self awareness.

People can act horribly without being narcs.

People who are genuinely narcissistic alack the self awareness/insight to recognise it. Part of the condition means tha tthe individual believes they are always right and often feels that they are the victim as other people refuse to recognise this and reject them. It's why NPD is so difficult to address; the person rarely seeks treatment because they believe other people are at fault. Not them.

It is possible for someone to have unpleasant personality traits and recognise these and wish they weren't like it though. But because we act quite instinctively, it's possible they don't see themselves behaving unpleasantly until after the fact.

Not everyone who behaves unpleasantly is a 'narc'. In fact, the vast majority aren't.

It is something that is widely 'diagnosed' on here though.

Maybe she's just a dick? People on here throw around personality disorder diagnoses like sweets, they are not very common, and they are not all monsters, I know someone with NPD, actual, diagnosed NPD, and she is not a monster at all.

Conversely I know people who have been assessed by a psychiatrist thoroughly, who are still arseholes, and there is zero wrong with them in terms of their MH/cognition.

People are people, some are cunts and some aren't, just life.

An actual narcissist probably wouldn't seek treatment or want to change, or if they did seek treatment the idea of having a one-on-one audience might be too tempting for them to engage properly and work through their problems (I don't mean that in a nasty way, just when their whole psyche revolves around being adored and admired, you can see how it happens).

I used to think I was one. I'm sure lots of people in my past think I'm one too. Fuck i was a total bitch in the past. Something is wrong with me for sure though, not sure what it is yet. Definitely not a narc though, I just snapped at my dh for the first time in years and feel guilty about it.

The very fact you used to think you were one is evidence that you are not.

My mother has narcissistic traits (I'm not going to say she's a 'narc' because a) she has not been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and b) I loathe the pop abbreviation!)

She is a very unhappy person most of the time because other people fail to prioritise her in the way that she expects them to.

My husband's OW decided without having met me that I am a narcissist, based on the shit he was feeding her about me to justify his affair. I said to my therapist that I wondered if she was right, as I was after all in therapy to talk about ME, and all I did after the affair was sit round obsessed with my feelings. The therapist said that all of us have some narcissist traits, and also pointed out that the popular understanding of narcissism as accepted on a parenting website might not correspond 100% with the clinical definition .

It might be that your friend has been brought up by people who taught them unhealthy responses, eg encouraging egotism, not teaching them boundaries. But with the right support people can learn to manage this and change.

Nope. They think they are God's gift. Which is kind of the point, no?

Labels aren't particularly helpful, a lot of people can be on the spectrum of many things without them being labelled whatever.

You can be on the spectrum and have traits without being a full out narc.

'Unhappy because other people fail to prioritise her in the way she expects them to' - thanks, folkgirl, this sums up someone I know to a T! First of all you just see the unhappiness, and feel sympathy for the friendship difficulties - then you gradually realise how high are the person's expectations of others, and how little interest they show in the well being/life of anyone else, and it starts to make sense!

Walkacrosstheroad I have literally just sent a text to a dear ex-colleague of mine, who still (sadly) has to work alongside this person, with the exact same sentence! Spot on!

Walkacrossthesand

She is a very unhappy person most of the time because other people fail to prioritise her in the way that she expects them to.

FolkGirl - that pretty much nails it.