My DH has gone into relapse over the last two months, and I am struggling.
He suffers from manic depression and began using two years ago, in secret whilst I was at work, to "self mediate" and make himself feel "ok." At the time I found out we sought medical assistance and support, he greatly improved and life was much better.however he discharged himself from their care after 5 months saying he felt like a new man and was fixed.
The old behaviours began to show again recently, the lying, not eating, insomnia, lack of physical closeness, manipulative behaviour, the starting of arguments over nothing and the physical symptoms (soiling himself and our bed clothes)
I am now going through the stages again with him, where his is in complete denial about what he is doing, that everything else is to blame and what he is doing isn't causing him any harm but helping him, he is trying to bargain with me, tell me that it is all my fault.
Although I know none of this to be true and that it's the addiction talking it's an incredibly stressful and destructive environment to live in.
I am at the stage now where I am torn, I don't know now whether cognitively he is ever going to come back from this. This first week of being clean is the worst the withdraw is difficult but after that there seems to be some clarity from him in regards to the situation. His drive returns he can see what's going on.
I care deeply about him, and I know he is suffering from an illness. Sometimes I just want to scream and cry the stress is incredibly difficult to deal with.
I have RL support however it has reached the point where they have told me that they thinks it's best for me to leave, and that I deserve better.