No strings encounters safety advice

[babyoutofthecorner]

Has anyone done any no strings encounters online and have any advice about doing it safely?

I quite like the idea and am chatting to one or two but wanted to know:

1. How to know if they are married or not
2. If it's safe to meet at your home
3. If you do the above what precautions would you advise taking?

It's most convenient for me to meet at home during the day but the first person I was thinking of meeting with says he doesn't have any social media and won't tell me where he works so I feel like I have no way of identifying him so I said "no" and asked to meet in public.

I regretted inviting someone to my home after I met him four times. He was a professional man, clever and smart but he turned nasty after I told him I didn't want to see him again. (We didn't even have sex!)

I have met so many angry men over the last couple of years I am much more careful these days.

When you meet someone new there is always an element of risk even without the arrangement for sex. I think the hotel idea is a good one.

togoboldy Fab is Fab swingers. Is really good actually. Have met two men now from it and the first one I actually ended up dating for four months, turned into a very sexually satisfying relationship. Ha ha! Second one I just met today. I think it is full though of either married men, attached men (I made sure my first guy was neither), or just people who I suppose are a little lonely, maybe had their heart broken and I find a lot of the men want more than just ONS. Of course there are the hardcore sex people too! Wouldn??t google it at work though!

I would say to anyone interested that it's not quite as seedy as you think. Enough people send me unrequested photos of their cock on Tinder or POF that I honestly feel like AT LEAST the men on these sites are a bit more honest.

Me and this man have agreed to go on a few "dates" and get to know each other. So much for no strings hookups! It's quite hard to do that safely without getting to know the person somewhat.

He's making it quite difficult though if he can't accommodate me at his house (lodger), can't offer me any security to let him into my house...so it's becoming less convenient. I'm not being the one to take all the risk while he takes none.

The last guy I met on FAB was open about his identity actually.

If I met a guy on OLD who seemed to be cagey about who he was I'd just dump.

I don't know. It's difficult. I just know the maths...

POF / Tinder Match = 2 years, sex with TWO of them, dated about 20. Mostly idiots, liars, mean or hurtful

FAB = 4.5 months, great sex with a great guy and on to the next one quickly. Chatted for two days, met already.

Maybe it's a bit more simple and straightforward.

For whatever reason I have had great dating experiences but never from OLD. I was thinking today I would really like a proper man in my life but tired of the OLD idiots and was wonderign where to meet them.

Yea that does sound difficult. Unless you have endless money for nice hotels it's a bit of a pain. I'd give it a couple more meetings if it were me, but if he is not forthcoming with sharing basic info it's probably a no go.

or maybe you could go to clubs as suggested! I went to one once, though not in this country. It was fun. Didn't get involved with any strangers but the setting was fun, and I would feel safe in that environment, then we could go our separte ways.

I find the problem with saying I want to meet a few times is people start getting panicky and suspect that I am actually looking for a boyfriend or marriage. Sigh.

I'm in a really similar position to you OP, but I got bored of POF and Tinder waayyyyy before 2 years haha. It's so tedious. Maybe I should try FAB. Or maybe you and I should hook up

We've been on FAB for a few years, it's one of the better UK swingers sites.

OP, I'm confused

I thought - wrongly - from your first post that you hadn't done this, but now it looks as if you have and your main concern is that he won't ID himself properly.

Whereas I would have thought, if you have been on these sites before, you would have come across that. or does everyone blithely say "hi, I'm Neil Roberts, I work for the Bank of Utopia, here's my Twitter account..." etc..?

1. How to know if they are married or not

most will be, learn to live with it

1. If it's safe to meet at your home

NOOOOO!!!! that's why Travelodge and Premier Inn exists

1. If you do the above what precautions would you advise taking?

Tell a friend (a trusted one) and agree to call post event, advise hotel etc

Be careful OP!

Lorelei If the guy has paid, then the site has his credit card info, IP address, etc. Of course he could have stolen them but you know, it's an extra line of enquiry for the police, once they find my corpse

As I posted earlier, I always tell a friend exactly where I'm meeting anyone.

baby He has a lodger? And won't tell you where he works or his real name or his FB? He's married. Sorry.

I read it as he is a lodger - I'd understand why you wouldn't want to take someone you didn't really know back to a house where you are simpky a lodger. Being a lodger is pretty common

All right, well I asked him directly about being married and he is :(

Says they separated 6 weeks ago.

Which is why he is so cagey.

I did sense he seemed normal and lovely but was being very cagey.

He does have a lodger though.

Not sure about even casual sex with someone in that situation????

ToGoBoldly Honestly...when you feel a bit "no more!" bout OLD it's worth a go. Not for everyone, but if you're up for a bit of no-shame sexual enjoyment then why not?

Being honest the one man I gave my number to last time I was on, wanted to date me pretty much for the first meet and took his profile down right away. We actually ended up dating for 2 months before we even had sex because he wanted to date me instead. Better than anything I got off POF and he was gorgeous and normal.

I suppose there's all sorts to be found on there. I personally like that I can demand EXACTLY what I want when I want, the men tend to be hotter and no one is trying to bull shit me into bed with total bollocks and lies because we are all there for the same thing.

This new guy was the first one I gave my mumber to nd not gone so smoothly as the first one but there's plenty more fish in the sea.

But yes...let's hookup! ha ha ha ha!!!

Ah bummer that he's married

I'd steer clear, I'm suspicious of the "I'm separated" crew unless they can prove it to me with paperwork. And i probably wouldn't want to get involved unless they are fully divorced, in which case I'd want to see a decree absolute.

Not really sure what to make of it as it was a text conversation but he said that they have been separated for a year, been through relate, failed at relate and she moved out 6 weeks ago as it had taken her a while to adjust to it being over. He says she's not very happy with the split and they have a little one so he still sees her a lot.

Sounds very messy to me, but I'm not terribly fussed about his emotional state - only sex and I won't be expecting to fall in love but I really do fancy him but don't want to be the cause of anyone's suferring.

Anyway, at least he was honest.

I'd never be with anyone married and would not date anyone who was newly separated but maybe I will still go ahead with a bit of fun. I do feel a bit weird about it / sorry for the wife as I'd be gutted if I'd newly separated and my stbXH was up to that sort of thing.

Morally wrong or not?

Ha ha, ToGo, he didn't need to tell me he was married so was inclined to believe he;s separated. To be fair a lot of the men on FAB openly say they are married and plenty of the women on there don't mind apparently. I do think (gut) that he is being honest. He's texts and facetimes me at night.

Then again she might be in bed or on holiday!

I don't think it's morally wrong, I just think if you want no strings it's probably more fun if you go for someone who's not in a potential emotional mess

I joined fab

Stampede. I haven't even out a photo up. They must smell fresh meat.

I do have a colleague who is legitimately separated after a very long term relationship, which took a long time to completely end. They have a child. Only difference is he was the one to move out, also about 6 weeks ago. We don't fancy each other in the slightest but chat often, I have no reason to think he's bullshitting me. Just piping in really to say that the scenario can be true, although I agree the whole newly separated thing is often a red flag.

Yes, I definitely believe some separations are genuine, it's just a case of being sure which ones...

Ha ha, good for you ToGo!

Tips are: Only make face pics private, and you can send them to people you trust. Try and pick verified users. Be really specific on your profile about what you want - don't be shy to be really demanding. I put on mine I only wnated educated men in suits - it's just what does it for me and it's more acceptable to be specific on there compared to OLD.

Enjoy it!!!

Meh, I rekon he is married maybe. He just went quiet between 8pm and 10.30pm for the first time all day. I know it's casual sex but I really don't want to be party to shagging a married man. Might have been having dinner or talking to his "housemate" but he managed to text me all through meetings today so I feel on gut that he might be iffy.

Having lunch with him tomorrow...I might do some snooping or slip him truth serum!

I just joined up too, seriously no photo, and had men and groups and all kinds message me already. I got overwhelmed and logged off haha!

I put in that I was looking for females or couples and men still messaged me.

Sorry OP to answer your post. At least he was honest about being married. If you are definitely not going to get attached to him then you can go ahead with fun. Meet at a hotel or somewhere unroll you know him a bit better.