My brother's girlfriends had babies right after me and made it into some kind of competition?

[WinterForest]

I wasn't sure where to post this. Basically I've been having some issues with my husband's brother's girlfriends (H and A) :/ I've always been polite to them and we always used to talk a lot...and then I became pregnant with my son. Both of them sort of changed. H stopped talking to me all together and A has become sort of mean with me. I have always been kind with them even to this day but they won't have it.

After two months of being pregnant H announced she was newly pregnant with her first baby as well (a boy). I told her how exciting it was but she didn't want to talk about babies or anything with me. I always felt like I had so much to say to her since we were both new moms but she had no interest in talking about it, this made me feel isolated and feeling even weird about it all. Was she angry that we were having a child and then decided to have one herself? :/

Time went on and my son was born and two months later her son was born. We both had c-sections, and she didn't want to talk about it. She would just ignore me, so I pretty much gave up with talking to her. :(

Then 4 months ago A also became pregnant with her first child. A girl. She isn't born yet, but she keeps writing strange things on her facebook about "FINALLY I can also post that I am now pregnant. The youngest baby always gets the most attention ;)". From then on she keeps writing things like this like "First girl in the family! Who needs another boy?"

She doesn't want to talk to me at all, and when she does it's rather mean. What is going on? It's as if some kind of war has begun amongst the brother's girlfriends and it's making a huge needless division between the family. Why can't they just be happy about me having a son, and them also having babies (who can play together if they ever allow that). I can't help but think both of them wanted to have babies just because I had one and they felt left behind or something (which is understandable) but now it's just getting really old fast. I am still kind to them.

It's times like this I feel as though women should come together in times like this, not turn it into some kind of competition. :( Ugh. It's breaking the family apart. My son was unplanned too, so it's as if they are both blaming me for making them become mothers too soon or something and trying to beat me at the mother game. I want no part in it so I don't even talk to them now. What should I do? Just ignore them? All I want to do is share out experiences together but ...wow, is it ever weird right now.

Myself and the two girlfriends used to talk all the time. We always acted like friends to be honest. I was really happy when I found out H was pregnant and maybe I said something to offend her? I don't know. I never preached because I seriously am usually asking how to take care of a baby and take advice, I don't really give it unless I'm asked and even then I don't really know since I'm new to it all. Maybe they thought I was bragging about my baby I still have no idea. I didn't mean too, and I couldn't help but flood my fb with his baby pictures and such.

H and my husband's mother used to be best friends as well...now they act like mortal enemies and it's driving me crazy. The other girlfriend absolutely hates my husband's mother. I seriously have no idea why they are acting like this with me though...but maybe it's because I talk to my husband's mother?

It all boils down to her crying at night though. I did ask my husband to talk to her but he doesn't like talking to her. Nobody really likes her right now, except for me, so I try and deal with it. Although I can kind of see why people have a hard time talking to her.

I just wish I wasn't in the middle of it. It actually feels like some kind of baby wars right now. (when my son went over with my husband to visit his mom and "H" she took a picture of my son and her son beside each other and wrote "which one's cuter"?) This really made me angry and my husband's mom told me not to trust either of them anymore. Sometimes I feel like just not talking to any of them and just going on with my life because it's hard to deal with.

No my husband has two brothers, each with a girlfriend and each with a baby.

I don't get it sorry. Did she throw her rattle out of the pram because she was not the only pregnant women in the world, and some of the attention was taken from her. If I've got it wrong then I do apologise

I would try to concentrate your thoughts on 'it's not me, it's them'.

I lived a similar situation, with my SIL (DH's sister), we were both pregnant at the same time. Initially all was well - certainly well enough for her to make me godmother, but something happened, and she and BIL just seemed to not like us anymore. I have wracked my brain to come up with what that something is - and I still don't know. We haven't seen them for years now, and it makes me sad that my dc have cousins out there that they never see. But it really, really wasn't our choice. DH just shrugs it off and says 'me & my sister are very different people'. Hey ho.

Your SIL's comments on FB are very strange - makes me think they were trying at the time, and just v upset/bitter -even- that you got pregnant first.

This really made me angry and my husband's mom told me not to trust either of them anymore.

Oh get a grip woman and open your eyes. You are allowing yourself to be manipulated. Why did that jokey comment bother you so much?

Make a decision to mind your own business. Be polite and stop being manipulative mil's mate.

Sometimes you feel like just getting in with your life?!

Yes - DO THAT!!!

Even your husband doesn't like his mother. This has little to do with your pregnancy and a lot to do with the common denominator, I'd say.

The SIL relationship can be really tricky, as can the MIL one. Throw some DC into the mix, and you either have something that is going to glue the relationships together or thrust them further apart, or sometimes both.

If you are the only one talking to MIL, they are maybe jealous that you have her approval, yet they don't. Does your MIL dote on your child more than theirs? It sounds like this could be the case. My MIL has always had her favourite grandchildren (oh, the irony, given that my MIL raged for years that her own mother behaved like this). Or as another poster said, they were maybe TTC for quite a while before you.

I think you need to give this time and space. The DC may grow up enjoying each other's company as cousins. It is early days at the moment. Try t take a step back, and bow out of any competition. Q: 'which one is cuter?' A: oh they are both cuties. Can't wait to see you both again.

Actually I didn't really think it had anything to do with the mother in law, actually you raise a really good point Berylstreep. I didn't really think of that at all but it actually makes sense. "A" absolutely can't stand her and "H" is now acting this way as well. My husband dreads talking to her. She is pretty nice but she can be rather...meddling in a way I guess. Since she is the grandparent she always thinks her ways goes, type of thing. (I noticed this a lot but I never let it get to me). She does seem to obsess over my son A LOT. Her fb is flooded with pics of him. She also has pics of "H's" son but not as often.

Yeah you know what I think A and H don't like me because I'm on good terms with my husband's mother. Yikes :( I had no idea of the family quarrels of them before I entered into this family so I am only recently figuring this stuff out. I think I will take a back seat and just relax now that I know that. Whatever is going on with MIL and the two girlfriends isn't something I can help with at all. MIL wants me to solve it...but I can't. Thanks for the help and advice this makes a lot of sense. At first I had no idea what was going on, hence my weird first post lol. Thanks :) It doesn't really make me feel better that they are are all on such bad terms but it's relieving to know that it's not something I can fix...they will have to in time hopefully. I'm not going to get involved anymore (been thinking of just even making my fb profile private from them without deleting them so no more harm is done). (I don't want my son to grow up reading those things from them) Ugh!

Sometimes we can get on with a type of person that others can't. It is a blessing really, but a shame that you got caught in the cross-fire.

I think some posters are being a bit hard on you.

It sounds horrible and disappointing - you don't have the supportive extended family you had hoped for. And it's horrible for your MiL who must feel the same.

Also positions and alliances have become a bit entrenched.

I'd be interested in the age order of the brothers - is your husband the oldest?

And what are they doing about it? They are the siblings so really they could be doing more to sort this out themselves.

So, she's an interfering old cow who thinks she knows best, goes crying to people frequently to get them in side, bitches about not trusting people, wants other people to sort out the problems she has caused, and openly favours certain grandchildren?

Yeah, I'd give a wide berth to those closely allied with her too.

I pain am extreme picture - but a possible one. You realise these other women may have been told not to trust YOU, by her? She sounds like shit stirrer.

Even the fb "who's cuter" crap - could be a childish response to MIL blathering on about her first grandson. Favoured son of a favoured son?

I'm confused though why you just haven't had your husband speak to his brothers to understand what's going on.

FB isn't the place to play out your family spats - it's really immature, regardless of the situation.